A year later

A year ago I was just 4 weeks away from my surgery.  I can't even begin to explain just how much my life has changed.  I'm going to try my best to share all the marvelous things I have experienced.

This post was supposed to wait until my actual Surgiversary but today I hit a HUGE milestone.  I am finally in Onderland.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that means, my weight is in the 100's.  When I woke up this morning I weighed in at 200.00 lbs.  After a long poo and stripping off all my clothes I weighed in at 198.9.  If I wasn't so sick from this head cold I would of screamed.  I am literally almost half the woman I was a year ago.

So besides the numbers on the scale what else has changed?

1.  For starters my clothes size.  I started out in a 28/30.  Today I fluctuate between a 10-14.  It's a funny thing actually,  This is the only group of sizes I have found to be so different.  When I was a size 20 I was a firm 20, same goes for every size from 16 and up.  A size 10-14 is a funny thing.  Some size 10s fit me awesome while others won't go over my thighs.  Some size 14s just fit and some fall right off.  I am officially in a size of clothes that I can't leach off my friends.  That feels weird.  I actually have to start buying clothes.  Thank goodness for Goodwill.

2.  My self confidence is through the roof.  I still have my insecure moments but at this point I see them as being normal.  I no longer hold my head down when I walk.  I know I am full of awesome and finally no one has to remind me of that.  I can thank my awesome online and real life support system for helping me realize just how much I rock!

3.  I have a job.  I stand on my feet for 9 hours a day and I freaking love it.  Most people would consider my job mediocre, but I love it.  I couldn't ask for a better work environment and I really feel good about what I do.  Plus it's like getting paid to work out.  You could ask for more?

4.  My friends.  The people I talked to prior to WLS aren't really around anymore.  Some have faded away for various reasons.  Some I had to release because I realized just how toxic they were for me.  I no longer have the patience for drama or negativity.  The people I now consider my friends compliment me in every way as I hopefully do them.  I value my friendships more than ever and maybe it's because I'm finally at a place in my life where I can see just how much we mean to each other.  Some of my closest friends I have never met face to face.  Its amazing how close you can be to people on the other side of the continent.  We fight the same battles and hold the same values.  My in person friends mean just as much to me.  My friends mean the world to me.  Thats not something I could of said a year ago.

5.  My family.  Family has taken on a whole new meaning for me.  The support they have shown me through the past year means so much.  They have never failed to lift me up whenever I've needed it.  My immediate family has shown me what it's really meant to be loved.  I couldn't wake up every day without knowing they have my back.  Through thick and thin they have shown me just how unconditional their love is.  We are closer than we've ever been.  I have no doubt that what our relationships lacked was hugely my fault.  I kept myself excluded from family activities and relationships.  My brothers wedding was a huge turning point for me when it came to how I interacted with those that mean so much to me.  It was the first time I saw just how much my energy had to do with how I enjoyed social family situations.

6.  My posture.  As silly as this might sound this is big for me.  I never realized how hunched over I was.  I stand straighter, sit straighter and my back thanks me for it.  It takes some getting used to but every day I make it a point to check how I"m sitting and standing.

7.  My energy level is amazing.  I never thought I would feel this active.  I can't sit still.  I go for walks in the morning and I'm almost ready to start jogging.  My ten year old thinks this is awesome.  He joins me for my morning walks most of the time and honestly it is the best quality time I could ask for.  We talk, we share and we enjoy the silent.

8.  Lastly the scale.  I can't wrap my head around what it says to me.  198lbs.... I know I still have plenty of weight to lose but honestly if I didn't lose another lb I would be happy right where I am.  To me 198lbs is heaven.

Sharing this past year on my blog has been quite the experience.  I still plan on posting although I can tell you now that sitting still long enough to type all of this out is hard.  If I'm not working the last place I want to be is tied down to my computer chair.  The best way I think to get updates at this point is my Facebook page.  I won't completely abandoned this blog though.  I still have a ton of reviews to post.  Hopefully the next thing I'll be posting is new pictures.  I look awesome and it's about time I share.

The Blame Game

My whole life I've been able to blame my weight on a lot of my problems.  Everything from problems with jobs and relationships to problems with daily life and responsibilities.  Think about it, at 379lbs I wheezed when I just sat still, walking was a chore and no matter how clean I was it was hard to keep giant fat rolls from creating a small past mid-day.  My main focus was food so when given a job to do all I could think about was the next break I could grab and what I could eat.  I was always tired because even if I used my CPAP machine my sleep apnea was so severe that I never slept peacefully.  I would fall asleep in the middle of the day doing tasks at the computer because my body was so tired from the restless sleep apnea brings.  

Now at 200lbs I'm still "a big girl" but no where near as big as I was at 379lbs.  My sleep apnea is almost resolved and I can actually get a decent nights sleep, this means no more falling asleep while doing simple tasks.  I can run and go anywhere without running out of breath.  I don't wheeze when speaking to someone nor do I mouth breath anymore.  My confidence is at an all time high and I approach life's situations with a new outlook.  My weight is no longer an excuse.

Thinking about the fact that my weight isn't at the forefront of my life anymore I applied to jobs.  Better than applying I scored a job!  I could of easily found a desk job that had me sitting all day, but I didn't want that.  I wanted a job that keeps me moving, on my feet and interacting with customers. I wanted flexible hours and a great staff.  I found all that and more.  I work at WAWA!  Those of you on the East coast will know exactly what I'm talking about and why I'm so excited.  Those of you who don't know, I highly suggest on your next trip out this way you seek one out.  Wawa is a deli/convenience store with superior customer service and atmosphere.  I have friends who move away from them and have their coffee and products shipped to them.

As far as a weight update goes, I'm bouncing between 200 and 210.  I hope it's not the end of the road for me (and I doubt it is) but regardless of what the scale says I feel fantastic!  Today I even had my 10 year old jog with me.  We watched The Fat Boy Chronicles together for motivation and he's going to be joining me on my morning jogs for now on.

In the next few days be on the look out for my favorite new product!  I had the amazing opportunity to review Oh Yeah! protein drinks and I am blown away by them.  I'm waiting to hear back to see if I can do a give away with my review before I post.  Keep your fingers crossed!

Speaking Out

We finally were able to find a decent car at a decent price.  That meant a whole lot of running around and doing errands yesterday. It also meant seeing a lot of people some of which I've never met and some of whom by chance got to see my old ID.  These stories are worth sharing and this was the first place I thought of.

For me speaking out about my weight loss is easy.  I don't think twice about it.  Some of the "vetts" who have had this surgery far longer than I taught me that speaking out and paying it forward is the best thing I can do.  Because of them I've even gone as far as print up full color business cards as my "before" picture for moments just like the ones below.  As soon as I can snap a good picture of them I'll post them on my Facebook Fan Page for you to see.

My first trip yesterday was to the insurance company to give them a copy of the title for my new car so I could head to DMV and get it registered.  I love my insurance company.  They are sweet, always remember who I am and probably the chattiest bunch of kind women I have ever met.  One of them in particular always remembers who I am and it never fails to make me feel special.  She always remembers who I was until yesterday that is.  I haven't seen them since August, and even then I think she had off for the day, so I haven't seen her in probably a year.  Yesterday she had a full conversation with me and had no clue who I was until she heard my name and her jaw dropped to the floor.  I spent the next half hour with some of the women from the insurance company crowded around to hear all about my surgery and I even passed on my "before and during" card.  I don't know that I made a difference with any of them per say but even if in passing they mention it to a friend who contemplates it or what I had to say simply lowered the stigma of WLS in general than I did my job.    Not to mention the flattery that comes along with someone being so shocked to see the new you.  I absolutely love it and I'm finally starting to get used to the compliments.


Next, I stopped by my dads house to grab him so he could keep me company on my all day adventure and while I was there he had an old family friend there who hasn't seen me in ages although has been following my updates on Facebook.  The look on her face when I walked in is what I live for!  I wanted to squeeze her and never let go.  My favorite comment?  "You look like you're already at 150lbs" Bless her heart! Thank you "S" for making my day!

My last and final trip of amazement believe it or not was the Department of Motor Vehicles.  They wanted to confiscate my license because I was over due for a new picture!  This of course led to a whole conversation with the picture ladies who I also ended up passing my card onto.  I love when I leave a place such as a store or office and as I'm leaving, after the conversation of my weightloss is over I still here on the way out "Keep it up girl!" and "Congratulations!".  By the time I made it home last night I was on cloud 9.

My lesson in all of this is, don't be afraid to be open about you're surgery.  You never could imagine the way a few compliments from a stranger or a conversation with an old friend will make you feel but better yet how great it will make them feel.  You don't have to take it to the lengths I have by blogging.  Sometimes just a little info for someone who has never heard of your surgery or met someone with WLS can be the encouragement someone needs to start taking control of their own life.  I wish I would of met someone who had WLS years ago, maybe I wouldn't of waited so long.

Happy New Year!

This past year has been filled with laughter, love, tears, compassion, hardship, but most of all for me it's been about perseverance.

For my blog readers you have been able to see a small snippet into my life and experience some of what I'm talking about.  For friends and family you have seen first hand what this past year has entailed for me.  For both my readers and my loved ones I owe all of you a HUGE thank you.  Without the support and compassion that I have seen there is no way I would be where I am right now.

Here is a small list of the things I have experienced this past year.  I will try my best to keep them in order.  For those who are keeping track.  There is plenty to be thankful for in my life online but this is my DS blog therefore I'm going to try my hardest to keep on track with the theme.

1.  Life Came to a HALT:   In the beginning of the year, around January, I realized at 30 years old my health was declining faster than it should.  I was overweight, unhappy, uncomfortable but most importantly, unhealthy.  I started on my journey to a healthier new me.  I joined OH and started seeking out surgical options.  I also scheduled a doctors appointment with my new PCP to discuss what I could possibly do.  At this point, the option I liked best was the Lap band.  By February I had done enough research to learn that with my weight, lifestyle and for best overall results the only way for me to go was a Duodenal Switch.

2.  Time to Move On!:  By the time February rolled around I was determined on the DS.  I started to research doctors and found Dr. Greenbaum.  Not only was he one of the top docs for my surgery in the country but he was right up the street (literally 5 minutes from my house).  The best part was he took my insurance!  That was it.  mind made up, surgeon picked and support system in place!  for the next few months I researched, hit some road blocks and kept on 'truckin.

3.  Life is Forever Changed:  By June I had completed my testing, had gotten approved by insurance and had my surgery date scheduled.  On Monday, July 11th 2011 weighing in at 360lbs (I lost 19 lbs on my pre-op diet) my life changed forever.  By the end of that day I had custom designer guts and would never be the same again.  For those that paid attention I have the COOLEST surgiversary date ever!  Every year on 7/11 7-Eleven offers free Slurpees.  That means every year on the day I will relive one of the moments that changed my life forever I get a free Slurpee (I will be going for the sugar free version this year).

4.  Reality Slowly Slips Away:  Since 7/11 I have not had one week where my body hasn't changed.  If pounds weren't melting off the inches were.  I've seen frustration with my vitamins and water.  I've been furious over the fact that I can never seem to eat enough.  I've watched my immediate family change their eating habits and my wife lose weight in her own amazing way.  Nothing about my life is the same as it was.  I don't have any of the same clothes I had a year ago, My feet are smaller, I swear I'm shorter but mostly I have never felt so amazing in my life.

The old me vs the new me?

This time last year:
I weighed 379lbs.
I was wearing a size 28/30 or a 5xl with my shoes at a 10.5
I ran out of breath going across the room.
Stairs were my worst enemy.
My sleep apnea setting was the highest it's ever been, 16.
My blood sugar was completely out of control.
My cholesterol and blood pressure was getting higher every day.
Because I had no energy parenting was a chore.  To think about how this effected my son makes me sick.
Although I thought I was cooking healthy I had no idea what I was really doing to my family.
I hated going out because face it, at 379lbs taking a shower was a chore.  Going out to the car and moving around was torture.

Today:

I weigh 240lbs.

I am wearing an 18 or a 1x and my shoes are a 9 - 9.5 (I steal my sons clothes now)

I have to run around the block to run out of breath.

I love stairs.  I love the burn they make my legs feel after I've run up and down them a few times.

I am about to have a new sleep apnea study because my setting of 16 is entirely too high.

My blood sugar?  Normal.  All the diabetes signs I had such as the black rings around my neck are gone!

My cholesterol?  Normal.

My blood pressure?  Low.

My son doesn't have as much energy as I have.  Sometimes he can't even keep up with me.  

I now cook only healthy.  Everyone in my house is benefiting from the way I cook.  

I hate sitting in the house.  I look for every excuse to take a shower, get dressed and go out.

This past year has been memorable in so many ways.  I could keep going on and on but you'd get bored.  One thing is for sure, I may be thinner but I feel huge with the amount of love and people I now have in my life because of a surgery I never thought I would have the guts to have.

Thank you so much for every comment, message and like you have shown to my page.  I appreciate every single one of you.  Wether I've met you in real life, have already known you, or we know each other through IM's and forums, you have all made a tremendous difference in my life.  From the bottom of my heart, Thank you.

I can't ring in the new year and send out the old one without taking a moment to thank one of the most important people in my weight loss surgery journey.
R.I.P. Stephanie.  I will miss you forever and beyond.  I have you to thank for so many things.  Thank you for being all that you were and all that you will always be in my heart.  I dedicate my journey through WLS to you.  

-Forever Your's-

The Vanishing Mom

aka

Joianne

Holidays Every Day

I didn't make too big of a deal about Christmas on here.

I have my reasons.  One of which is that I've been so darn busy with the family that coming online to do anything was almost impossible.

Another reason is because I have a problem with the "Holidays".  Yes, this time of year is magical and amazing but shouldn't the rest of the year be the same?  I try to find one thing in my day (in my week at least) that makes me feel just as magical the rest of the year.  This past year has been full of amazement for me.  I have a whole blog post of "Wows" ready for New Years so I'll save that rambling for this weekend.

Christmas here at the VM house was nothing short of amazing though.  It was simple, sweet, and filled with family, just the way it should be.

I indulged a little bit more than I normally do.  I had a bit of sweet potatoes, red potato salad and a tiny slice of my Sister in Laws Famous Apple Cake.  With all the carbs I managed to get down I lost 4lbs.  Crazy for the Normies with their Normie bellies but for my DS belly awesome stuff!  Carbs are normally a no-no for us.  Carbs are easy to digest therefore we absorb all those calories and they can have the same effect as it does for anyone else with some added gas.  However if you follow your DS diet and indulge a little bit on a rare occasion expect it to shake things up a bit, in more ways than one.  Every DSer reacts a bit differently but for me all I had was a tiny bit of extra gas and the loss of a few lbs.

For Christmas we go to my wife's Aunt for Christmas breakfast and than we come home and I have some of my family over for dinner.  This year we were able to have my dad, my Sister in Law and her awesome boyfriend, and on Monday we took a trip to my moms to spend some time with my Step Dad, my Mom and my Step Brother.  Like I said, simple and full of family.

How were your Holidays?

Christmas Came Early!

Last night was amazing.  

Good friends

(L to R An online friend who also used my surgeon, Dr. Greenbaum, and myself)

A night out on the town!

(My wife and myself)

I LOVE my support group.

Dr. Greenbaum offers an awesome support group for his pre-ops and post-ops.  I still rely heavily on my online support groups but for the chance encounter for one on one a support group in person can be an amazing experience.  One of the perks are Holiday Party's.  Last nights was no exception.  I got my certificate for the Century Club (increments of 100lbs lost).  My wife won an amazing gift basket but most of all we connected with some pretty awesome people.  Not to mention I looked fabulous.  Please excuse my hair though, by the time I took this picture I was wiped out.  I had to put my shoes back on just to take the picture.  :)

Fresh Beginings

On such a sad day when the world seems to come to a stop for some I like to think that it's a day of new beginnings. 

Today ten years ago I decided to keep a baby that I didn't think I was ready for.  Today my 9 1/2 year old stands besides me and reminds me of each life that was lost and how grateful I am am to them. We will always remember and cherish each and every family who lost a loved one. I hope one day he will grow up and help keep their memory alive. I can see the spark of hope in his eyes.  

At 8:46 my son and I held each other for a full minute, I had to wipe the tears but it led to a great discussion. We then sat down and talked about why 9/11 is so important, not just for a country but for him and I. We spoke of how almost 3,000 lives were lost that day but 2 were saved. We talked about why it's important for him to live his life with passion, hope and perseverance. One day that boy is going to make a difference in the world. He already has changed my world forever.

This year I reflected on how much the last 10 years have changed not just myself but those around me.  I think I can speak for all my loved ones that we are better people than we were 10 years ago.

So as I sit here sipping on my Chocolate/Banana Chike protein drink, I'm listening to the memorial at Ground Zero.  My heart goes out to all those who lost a loved one.  I also want to thank all those who have served/or are serving our country to keep our freedom.  

This year I've already taken the first steps to a new me.  I'm proud to be part of this country, a mother to my child and a DSer!  

Friends in Low Places

The whole time I've been thinking about what I was going to write in this blog I have this stuck in my head

Listen while you read, it really will make the whole blog that much more enjoyable.
(deal with this version, apparently Garth Brooks doesn't like to share so I couldn't find his version on YouTube)

When I started the path to get my DS I figured I was doing something for myself.  I thought this was going to be a solo journey that I would need to find internal strength to complete.  Over the course of the last few months I've learned that I could never of been more wrong.  Yes I need internal strength to conquer my obesity, but when that's running low I have amazing family and friends to help hold me up. Some of the places I've found those friends are surprising and humbling. 

Take for example my friend Wendi.  We met online through ObesityHelp.com and then really connected on Facebook.  Our surgeries were at the same time so as we progress we are able to compare notes and share tips/secrets.  She has also been a huge source of inspiration for me, not to mention just a great friend all around.  She's the person who really inspired my blog today.  Just as I was feeling out of control and a little helpless to my vitamin regime Wendi messaged me and told me she couldn't use her vitamin organizer, and did I want it?!  I never mentioned to her the problems I was having, I was a little ashamed, so her timing was impeccable.   Not to mention the organizer she had was the same one I was so bummed out about not being able to afford.  Instead I've been using little baggies, which works but it can be a little daunting.  Now if only I can find a way for her to ship me some of those awesome zucchini flowers she's got in her yard!

This is my new pretty.  I will call her Emily.  She is my new friend.

When I opened the box this morning I sat and stared.  How in the world do we go through life without people like her?  People who unselfishly and without bounds love us as if we've always been a part of their life?  Friends who without the internet we never would of met? 

This past week has been full of those friends for me.  Losing one of my best blog buddies Stephaine, spurred an online grieving process with some of the best online friends I could of asked for, BlackBerry Mama and Heidi and others who belong to my Facebook OH group and my ObesityHelp.com online forum. It's comforting to know that when I may feel lost and alone with how my new life is turning I always have a group of people I can turn to.  Not only will they understand how I feel but they have no problem smacking me around a bit to get a point across that I may not of seen otherwise.  The best part?  OH holds conferences that will make seeing these amazing people possible.  In a week or two I'm going to start the "Send The Vanishing Mom to OH Conference" petition. 

This doesn't discount the amazing friends and family I have right here in real life.  My Mother, Father, Step-Dad, Wife, Son, Grandmother, and Best Friend are all not just supportive, but just as excited as I am.  I have met almost no hesitation with them.  If nothing else I've even been able to change some of the things they previously thought about WLS.  My Mother and Father tell me everyday how proud they are of me.  My son who is large for his age and has always had an appetite like a teenager (he's 9) is starting to be more aware of what he puts in his mouth.  We're watching him choose healthier options and move around more than ever before.  His reasoning?  He wants to eat healthy like his Mommy.  My wife has cut out all of the carbs in her life (yes even Pepsi) and has lost 20lbs so far.  My Step-Dad, who isn't the biggest supportive of WLS itself has even made the positive comment or two.  My Grandmother got me a WiiFit for my birthday next week because I'm so excited to use it to work out(this will be a whole blog post for itself probably tomorrow). 

Today I feel blessed.  On a day that is rainy, muggy and gloomy, after a week of sadness, I really needed a blog about the love we feel as we journey through life.  It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

Tell me, How has major life events changed how you view your family and friends?

A Tisket, A Tasket

I've got Scentsy in my Basket!!!!!

Because my mind is on overdrive I can't help but do more than two things at once.  My surgery of course is no exception.

I really want some Scentsy.  Like really really break my heart bad.  But I can't afford that.  I'm having life altering surgery.  Do you know how much THAT costs?!  So to help with the costs of my fragrance habit I decided to have a Scentsy Party! 

If you don't know what Scentsy is think Partylite or any other candle company but with nothing but wick-less candles.  I also think their smells are stronger and they have a larger variety. 

I'm having a "Basket Party" which means that I have a display set up here at home where people who are going to come visit me after my surgery can sample and see what they're about and if they like they can put in an order.  I can also shamelessly whore myself out online to you guys and everyone over at OH to get online orders at my Scentsy Basket Party Page. My part ends the first week in August so take your time if you need it.  HOWEVER if your interested in the old scents they brought back you can only order them in the month of July. 

My infomercial is over.  Please tune in later for my regularly scheduled post.

It's Not Physical It's Mental

I was on my way home from the grocery store today, with my son next to me snoozing away.  The wind was blowing through the car, the weather was amazing and for a split moment, my hectic world was peaceful.  It gave me a chance to reflect on the past week and a half, my upcoming surgery and everything else going on.  I love driving, it keeps me centered. 

Of course since my surgery is in just a few days the most prevalent thing on my mind was how my pre-op progress is going.  When I first started my liquid diet I resented myself for having to be pushed to this limit.  I despised the shakes and everything else that came along with it.  Regardless of how I felt I did my best to stick with it.   I went head on and did everything I could to liven it up with SF syrups and different blending methods.  A week and a half later and it's second nature to me.  I don't even think about food the way I did before.  I crave salt but that I make up for in broth.  I don't crave to chew, which I thought I would.  I've learned to focus on liquids and nothing else.  It gave me a whole new perspective on why Dr. Greenbaum makes you follow this protocol.  I feel better prepared to come home post-op and "eat" like this.  I've lost a little more than 10lbs so far but for me it's the mental training that it's done for me.  I don't crave foods.  I'm not focused on eating.  I find myself having more free time during the day instead of eating or thinking about what I'm going to eat next.  I grab my shake and cup-o-water and I go.  Life is more than food.  Without the DS I know this train of thought would be temporary.  With my soon to be switched stomach this train of thought will be easier to keep.  I can't wait to have my new tool!  I know not all doctors chose the two week liquid diet for their patients.  I know some post-ops are glad they didn't have to do it.  As a pre-op I have to say that so far this is the best thing I could of done.  Nothing can prepare me for whats about to come next but I can say I've tried my best, researched all I could and mentally and physically prepared myself for the next leg of my journey. For me and my journey this seems perfect. 


On my drive I also thought about how close I am.  This time next week I will be in the hospital recovering from my surgery.  HOLY CRAP! It's really about to happen!  I've had people ask me if I'm nervous or if I'm thinking about backing out.  I'm not nervous about the surgery or life as a DSer.  I'm nervous about the first few weeks home and taking care of my gut rearrangement and wound care.  I'm confident that I'll be fine but I want to make sure everything is right.  I over-prepare for everything and this worry is just part of the protocol.  And backing out?!  Heck no!  Never in a million years.  I'm gaining one of the best weight loss tools available to me and I worked damn hard to get it.  I'm on my way to being skinny! 

Friday Rewind!

Because I make it a habit of posting once a day there's not too much to tell you that you haven't already heard [read].  So instead here are some of my thoughts and hopefully some inspirations!

Being fat sucks.  Being a fat lesbian sucks.  This is something I've always known but recently I've started to see how much I regret it in completely different ways than I once did. The stigma that comes along with being a heavy person goes far beyond what one might comprehend.  People immediately think your dirty, stupid, ignorant, lazy and sloppy.  These are qualities that don't come with size but yet as personalities.  I hate that these are the things that are immediately thought of me.  And in a lot of instances people don't take the time to get to know a person to find out that these things aren't true.  No matter what my size ends up being I will never put a persons look, size or situation ahead of getting to know them because I will always be "that girl" deep down.

I've had jobs turn me down simply because of my size, regardless of being qualified or not.  I've had medical problems go ignored and blamed simply on my weight.  People have lost out on being friends with me because they never took the time to get to know me.  This all makes me realize what a sad, sad world we live in.  Being fat isn't the only obstacle that will get you ignored the way I have been.  Being a different color, having a disability, age, dressing beyond the norm, being GLBT are just a few among the many of things that will have others look the other way.  If nothing else this journey has taught me to be more tolerant of others.  This is something I would like to spread around a bit as well.

I challenge my readers this weekend.  I receive about a hundred unique views a day on my blog.  I challenge each and every one of you to warmly say hi and possibly engage in a conversation with someone who normally wouldn't.  Even if it's a warm smile to the gay couple walking across the street, or offering the elderly woman help with reaching something in the grocery store, compliment the shoes on heavy set girl who is obviously trying to blend in by wearing something cute.  I'm not asking you to befriend everyone who might run into today.  I'm just asking that you say hello, and smile.  You have no idea how much of a difference that makes in a persons day who is normally met with shrugs, frowns, abuse or being ignored.  And who knows, maybe that help will brighten your day too.

Dr. Grenbaum and The Vanishing Sisters

[EDIT: this was written on Monday but I had to wait until Tuesday to post, expect more rambling from me later today!]

Today I met what I will affectionately call the Vanishing Sisters.  They are the nurses and program advisors for the Bariatric Program for Dr. Greenbaum.  I never really spoke to much about my surgeon so lets start off with that.

Dr. Greenbaum

I've been interested in WLS for years but the time and place and situations never seemed right.  About six months ago I had an appointment with my Primary Care Doctor (PCP) who said that if I didn't do something drastic my pre-diabetes would turn into full blown with little help of diet in a matter of just a few months.  My father was and still is recovering from a massive heart attack that should of left him dead 2 years ago, he is my biggest inspiration.  Taking these things into consideration I decided Fuck it, lets do this!  I diligently searched obesityhelp.com and dsfacts.com and consulted with my insurance company.  Through them I found Dr. David Greenbaum (also his profile on OH).  Not only are his past patients a great dedication to a wonderful surgeon and bariatric program but everything I have read about and heard about this man is wonderful.  He comes highly recommended and his stats are amazing.  No he is not "God" but I've heard his hands are like magic once he opens you up.  His after care is also phenomenal!  He follows his patients very closely and makes himself available to us for anything we need.  So now that I've told you about the amazing surgeon I was dying to meet you have to hear the kicker.  The best part, the part that made all of this seem worth it, his office is 5 minutes from my house!  I've heard of people traveling to him from other states, driving for hours on end just to use him.  He's 5 minutes from me!  That among so many other things made me feel like this was meant to be.

The Vanishing Sisters

Yesterday was pretty normal, routine pre admission testing things.  Some blood work, a chest x-ray, vitals.  I actually ran into an old friend, it was soo nice to see her.  She is and always will be one of the only phlebotomists who can draw my blood without any pain and actually get my veins to work.  Seeing a familiar face also put me at ease a little bit. When that was all done I had my bariatric class.  This was fun!  I am an over-preparer.  I had literature that they didn't even have.  I had information stored in my noggin they had expected to teach me.  All thanks to the wonderful people over at obesityhelp.com .  They had me prepped and ready to go.  TinaMarie actually liked one of the packages I had so much she copied it for herself.  I still managed to learn alot though.  I learned about the tubes and drains (which I already knew but never saw) and a Novocaine pump for the suture line.  We ended up just reviewing what I already knew and chit chatting for the time we had. Once we were done with TinaMarie and Debbie We were introduced to one of the Prepare for Surgery volunteers.  She was WONDERFUL! She gave us our book and a relaxation CD and a "happy stone".

Not only do I feel confident and more relaxed about my surgery but I feel confident about my support system.  They talked to my DP like she was part of the team and actually had some things for her to sign.  Now I just have to wait these two weeks, It's like the last two weeks of your due date when your pregnant.  No matter what you do to speed things up it just won't happen until it's time and it seems to take forever.

Reflections

I'm writing this on a Saturday because last night I grabbed the midget and decided to spend time at my moms for the weekend.  My partner had other family obligations and I have to admit, she was right.  She told me to use this weekend to spend quality time with my family.  As much as I would of loved her here to enjoy the weekend with us, this has really given me time to reconnect with my mom.  We had my celebratory Last Night o' Food and munchies.  My mom and step-dad treated us to some Mexican, and for dessert, a smoothie for me, and some ice cream for the rest of the bunch.  I of course came home (well to her house) and almost collapsed from all the food I ate.  It was a great ending to a great day. 

My mom lives in the woods.  

No really, I mean the woods, like Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs woods.

Nothing spells relaxing than the sound of nothing but trees and birds.

Her house is nicely tucked away and behind her house is a clearing with trees and plenty of woodland animals to make you feel like you steped into the story of Red Ridinghood.  It's relaxing, calm and the perfect start to my liquid diet.  I was totally apprehensive of coming here to start this. I have recently quit smoking, my monthly friend should be here by tomorrow and I just had to say good bye to my soul mate (food).  I had wanted to curl into a ball, put some Netflix on with my headphones and not leave the bed all weekend.  I'm glad I have family who pushes me.  My mom played guilt trip until I agreed to come and I am grateful for every minute of it.  I can go out on her deck and listen to the trees, or I can curl up on her couch with her and watch some QVC (hey, don't judge us), or I can sit at her kitchen table with an awesome view of everything that is calm.  Not to mention I made sure I packed my xanex for the tough moments.  Plus this isn't really good bye to food.  Since I chose the DS it's more like "I'll see you later good friend" My diet post surgery won't be restrictive like some of the other weight loss surgeries.  I'll be able to eat all I love again, it's just a matter of time. 

This is the perfect ending to a near perfect week.

I thrive for schedules

I need a schedule for everything.  I've always thrived this way, and as my mother can tell you without a schedule I can not function.  My blog should be no different.  Starting next week my blog schedule will be as follows:

Monday - A day to learn, this will consist of an article, a news source, or something of educational information about WLS or healthy living in general.
Tuesday - Tell me Tuesdays will be a post of suggestions from my audience.  Until my audience grows I'll be asking loved ones for suggestions.  Maybe it's a recipe you want me to try out or a specific topic that would be interesting to write about.  As long as it involves WLS or healthy living it counts!
Wednesday -  This will be my product review days.  I've already been contacted by a few companies who are popular in the WLS community that will be sending me samples to try out and review.  This should be fun and will kick off the ground more once I'm a few weeks post-op.
Thursday - I need a day to ramble and Thursdays will be it.  It will also be my day of rest.  If you ever expect to not see a post from me expect it to be on a Thursday. However since I like to talk a lot (well, type I guess) I will probably find something to bore you with. I've contemplated making it confession Thursdays.  We'll see about this one.
Friday - Week in review.  How was your week?  I'd love to hear from you and I promise to share all of my nitty gritty details with you. 
Saturday and Sunday - Why would you really be reading this on a weekend?  I can't be the only one without a life.  But if you really want to hang out with me I can make this a recipe post. 

Tonight I will be making banners.  A few for me and one for a company that has won my heart.  See you tomorrow!

Today in the forums I had posted about a great website I found.  This was one of my replies that I made for someone that had a hard time growing up.  I felt like it belonged here on my blog too:

Thank you for sharing! 

WLS won't fix the emotional scars.  A therapist might be able to help.  I have one now and she is amazing.

I'm a pre-op and I can only speak from what I've learned from post-ops and what I've learned from my therapist.  WLS is not a magic button.  It will not give you the answers to your problems.  It is however a terrific tool to help you lose your weight.  It will not give you confidence.  That comes from within.  But it will help you get to the point where weight isn't your biggest concern anymore so you can tackle the other peoblems in your life.  It will not make you pretty.  In fact from what I've learned the bags of skin and eventual scars from plastic surgery will give you a whole new set of insecurities.  But it will help make you feel lighter and better able to put on a spanx and go out into that world and hit it head on.  You feel amazing when you look back at all the weight you managed to lose and keep off and realize that YOU took control of the situation and managed to get yourself there.  YOU took all the vitamins and supplements to make yourself healthy.  YOU followed your doctors orders and were able to handle any complications.  WLS won't do that for you, only you can. 

I used to think it was a magic button and it took me about a year to realize it's not.  Yet I still can't wait to be under that knife.  I can't wait to have bags of skin and save up for a tummy tuck.  I can't wait to own at least 5 pairs of spanx.  But most of all I can't wait to have a tool that will assist me in finally having control of my life.  I can't wait to worry more about what I'm going to wear to look my best than if my bigg ass is going to break a chair.  I'm 379lbs and I can't wait to see 200 or less.  I can do it without WLS but without WLS I couldn't keep it off, I wouldn't be able to maintain.
When I think back on what I've been through in my life I try my hardest to use it as motivation.  Every hateful word, every pencil that was thrown to me in the hallways of school, every punch from a boyfriend and he called me a fat bitch, every "butterball" or Marshmallow Puff comment, and every friend I lost because they wouldn't take the time to know the girl behind the chubby face.  Those are the things I use to drive me to the WLS.  They make me stronger.