I gained some and I lost some

I'm almost 10 months post-op.  I've learned a lot in these past few months.  I've also lost a lot.

I've learned that friends come and go but family (blood or bond) will stick with you forever.
I've learned that I know nothing close to what I thought I knew.  Each and every day is a learning experience whether it's about Weight Loss Surgery or life in general.
I've learned to love my body no matter what misshapen form it may take on.  Right now I look like a deflated Macys balloon, but put on some clothes and I look like a million bucks!
I've learned that love knows no bounds.

I've lost a few friends along this journey and I miss them dearly but sticking up for myself and my beliefs are something that is easier to do now.  No matter what the circumstance I have finally learned that it is not ok to be trampled on or under appreciated.

My biggest accomplishment?  I've lost 175lbs!

My hair is finally starting to grow back!  See:

What you can't see is my "new growth" that takes me about half an hour to tame.  But it finally looks a bit fuller :)

Here is my most recent before and after for those keeping track :
Yellow shirt June, 2011 @ 379lbs / Purple shirt April, 2012 @205lbs

10 lbs of Patience

( SCHOOLS DONE!!!!!  Well ok, almost done.  I have a week worth of tests and then I'm DONE!!!!  Which means, coming back to my blog and no more empty promises of posts.  )

I feel like I can't escape the dreaded ten lbs.

I've always been a weigher.  I was warned this was a bad idea and for some I've seen first hand how bad of an idea it can be, for me thought this whole DS experience has felt like a science experiment.  I weigh every day sometimes twice a day.  I can't imagine not weighing everyday.  I like to see how what I eat, how I move, and where my cycle is changes what I weigh at any given time.  I'm also such a huge loser that my 2 month long stall didn't even freak me out.  It almost felt like a mini vacation if that makes sense.  When I lose everyday my body almost feels tired.  Plus when I stall I almost always go down in a size or two and imho losing inches is far more satisfying than losing lbs sometimes.

I feel like 10lbs is this revolving goal.  I couldn't help but laugh about it this morning.  First it was 10 lbs or more that Greenbaum wanted me to lose before my surgery date.  Then I was waiting on the edge of my seat for 10 more lbs until I hit under 200lbs.  Then the tension in my house could be felt as I waited patiently for the last 10lbs before I hit The Century Club.  NOW I wait again for the last 10lbs before I'm in ONDERLAND!!! I'm not rushing it, right now I'm in a losing streak and for the past week have been averaging about a loss of 1 - 1.5 lbs a day.  Even if I stall thats ok too, I'm about to ovulate and that sometimes puts me in a little bit of a stall.

I say this every time I hit a "milestone", if I don't lose another lb I'd be happy where I am right now.  I weigh 209. 20freaking9.  I haven't weight that since I was a teenager.  More importantly I have NEVER felt this awesome in my life.  I also have to admit that I'm a bit scared of what seeing a 1 in front of my weight is going to feel like.  I don't ever remember seeing that.  I'm nervous and excited all at the same time.

One of the ways I help keep track of my weight is a nifty little app on my Android.  Check out my chart:

As of this morning:

HW: 379lbs (6/2011)
SW: 360lbs (7/11/11)
CW: 209lbs (3/30/12)
GW: 150lbs

Happy New Year!

This past year has been filled with laughter, love, tears, compassion, hardship, but most of all for me it's been about perseverance.

For my blog readers you have been able to see a small snippet into my life and experience some of what I'm talking about.  For friends and family you have seen first hand what this past year has entailed for me.  For both my readers and my loved ones I owe all of you a HUGE thank you.  Without the support and compassion that I have seen there is no way I would be where I am right now.

Here is a small list of the things I have experienced this past year.  I will try my best to keep them in order.  For those who are keeping track.  There is plenty to be thankful for in my life online but this is my DS blog therefore I'm going to try my hardest to keep on track with the theme.

1.  Life Came to a HALT:   In the beginning of the year, around January, I realized at 30 years old my health was declining faster than it should.  I was overweight, unhappy, uncomfortable but most importantly, unhealthy.  I started on my journey to a healthier new me.  I joined OH and started seeking out surgical options.  I also scheduled a doctors appointment with my new PCP to discuss what I could possibly do.  At this point, the option I liked best was the Lap band.  By February I had done enough research to learn that with my weight, lifestyle and for best overall results the only way for me to go was a Duodenal Switch.

2.  Time to Move On!:  By the time February rolled around I was determined on the DS.  I started to research doctors and found Dr. Greenbaum.  Not only was he one of the top docs for my surgery in the country but he was right up the street (literally 5 minutes from my house).  The best part was he took my insurance!  That was it.  mind made up, surgeon picked and support system in place!  for the next few months I researched, hit some road blocks and kept on 'truckin.

3.  Life is Forever Changed:  By June I had completed my testing, had gotten approved by insurance and had my surgery date scheduled.  On Monday, July 11th 2011 weighing in at 360lbs (I lost 19 lbs on my pre-op diet) my life changed forever.  By the end of that day I had custom designer guts and would never be the same again.  For those that paid attention I have the COOLEST surgiversary date ever!  Every year on 7/11 7-Eleven offers free Slurpees.  That means every year on the day I will relive one of the moments that changed my life forever I get a free Slurpee (I will be going for the sugar free version this year).

4.  Reality Slowly Slips Away:  Since 7/11 I have not had one week where my body hasn't changed.  If pounds weren't melting off the inches were.  I've seen frustration with my vitamins and water.  I've been furious over the fact that I can never seem to eat enough.  I've watched my immediate family change their eating habits and my wife lose weight in her own amazing way.  Nothing about my life is the same as it was.  I don't have any of the same clothes I had a year ago, My feet are smaller, I swear I'm shorter but mostly I have never felt so amazing in my life.

The old me vs the new me?

This time last year:
I weighed 379lbs.
I was wearing a size 28/30 or a 5xl with my shoes at a 10.5
I ran out of breath going across the room.
Stairs were my worst enemy.
My sleep apnea setting was the highest it's ever been, 16.
My blood sugar was completely out of control.
My cholesterol and blood pressure was getting higher every day.
Because I had no energy parenting was a chore.  To think about how this effected my son makes me sick.
Although I thought I was cooking healthy I had no idea what I was really doing to my family.
I hated going out because face it, at 379lbs taking a shower was a chore.  Going out to the car and moving around was torture.

Today:

I weigh 240lbs.

I am wearing an 18 or a 1x and my shoes are a 9 - 9.5 (I steal my sons clothes now)

I have to run around the block to run out of breath.

I love stairs.  I love the burn they make my legs feel after I've run up and down them a few times.

I am about to have a new sleep apnea study because my setting of 16 is entirely too high.

My blood sugar?  Normal.  All the diabetes signs I had such as the black rings around my neck are gone!

My cholesterol?  Normal.

My blood pressure?  Low.

My son doesn't have as much energy as I have.  Sometimes he can't even keep up with me.  

I now cook only healthy.  Everyone in my house is benefiting from the way I cook.  

I hate sitting in the house.  I look for every excuse to take a shower, get dressed and go out.

This past year has been memorable in so many ways.  I could keep going on and on but you'd get bored.  One thing is for sure, I may be thinner but I feel huge with the amount of love and people I now have in my life because of a surgery I never thought I would have the guts to have.

Thank you so much for every comment, message and like you have shown to my page.  I appreciate every single one of you.  Wether I've met you in real life, have already known you, or we know each other through IM's and forums, you have all made a tremendous difference in my life.  From the bottom of my heart, Thank you.

I can't ring in the new year and send out the old one without taking a moment to thank one of the most important people in my weight loss surgery journey.
R.I.P. Stephanie.  I will miss you forever and beyond.  I have you to thank for so many things.  Thank you for being all that you were and all that you will always be in my heart.  I dedicate my journey through WLS to you.  

-Forever Your's-

The Vanishing Mom

aka

Joianne

Confessions of a Scale-O-Holic

First thing first, I know you love the new look!  I needed something simple. This works for now but it's not what my final look will be.  I'm soo indecisive. 


OK I'll admit it.  I've been weighing myself.  Mostly out of curiosity.  It's been beaten into my brain to stay away from it but I can't help it.  The worst thing about weighing yourself has already happened to me, I've stalled for a week and it didn't freak me out.  I expected that to happen.  For the past few days I've been losing at an amazing rate.  So fast in fact that I'm expecting my next stall.  I've lost about 3lbs a day for 3 days now.  Here are my stats so far:

379 - 2 week Pre-Op visit
360 - Day of surgery (7/11/11)
309 - Today (9/5/11 which is 8 weeks.  I'm not celebrating anything until my official two months next week)

I have officially lost 70 lbs.  Thats HUGE!  I feel amazing!  I have so much energy.  I can move in ways I couldn't just 70lbs ago.  I'm still not comfortable in my body though.  A 3x is still tight on me so I'm making that my first small goal.  I am so happy it's ridiculous.

I've stopped telling everyone around me about how fast I'm losing because it's starting to piss some people off.  It's a jealousy thing for sure.  Before my surgery if someone kept tell me how they lost 3lbs in their sleep I'd be super jealous too.  I just wish they knew this wasn't as easy as it looks.  I mean, it's not hard at this very moment but it's not a walk in the park either.

My newest complaint?  Eating.  Who would of ever thought I would almost never be hungry?  I've set a timer to remind me to eat and if I don't I find myself going almost all day with nothing but water in my system.  I've been eating a small portion of protein centered food every 2 hours.  So when I go out that means packing myself a snack or two.  If I don't do these things my blood sugar drops (yes you read that right, the prediabetic is having low blood sugar problems).  My body will even itself out over time in this respect but it takes patience and getting used to "grazing" my food throughout the day.

Speaking of which.  I have a B.A.T. calling my name!  YUM!

Friends in Low Places

The whole time I've been thinking about what I was going to write in this blog I have this stuck in my head

Listen while you read, it really will make the whole blog that much more enjoyable.
(deal with this version, apparently Garth Brooks doesn't like to share so I couldn't find his version on YouTube)

When I started the path to get my DS I figured I was doing something for myself.  I thought this was going to be a solo journey that I would need to find internal strength to complete.  Over the course of the last few months I've learned that I could never of been more wrong.  Yes I need internal strength to conquer my obesity, but when that's running low I have amazing family and friends to help hold me up. Some of the places I've found those friends are surprising and humbling. 

Take for example my friend Wendi.  We met online through ObesityHelp.com and then really connected on Facebook.  Our surgeries were at the same time so as we progress we are able to compare notes and share tips/secrets.  She has also been a huge source of inspiration for me, not to mention just a great friend all around.  She's the person who really inspired my blog today.  Just as I was feeling out of control and a little helpless to my vitamin regime Wendi messaged me and told me she couldn't use her vitamin organizer, and did I want it?!  I never mentioned to her the problems I was having, I was a little ashamed, so her timing was impeccable.   Not to mention the organizer she had was the same one I was so bummed out about not being able to afford.  Instead I've been using little baggies, which works but it can be a little daunting.  Now if only I can find a way for her to ship me some of those awesome zucchini flowers she's got in her yard!

This is my new pretty.  I will call her Emily.  She is my new friend.

When I opened the box this morning I sat and stared.  How in the world do we go through life without people like her?  People who unselfishly and without bounds love us as if we've always been a part of their life?  Friends who without the internet we never would of met? 

This past week has been full of those friends for me.  Losing one of my best blog buddies Stephaine, spurred an online grieving process with some of the best online friends I could of asked for, BlackBerry Mama and Heidi and others who belong to my Facebook OH group and my ObesityHelp.com online forum. It's comforting to know that when I may feel lost and alone with how my new life is turning I always have a group of people I can turn to.  Not only will they understand how I feel but they have no problem smacking me around a bit to get a point across that I may not of seen otherwise.  The best part?  OH holds conferences that will make seeing these amazing people possible.  In a week or two I'm going to start the "Send The Vanishing Mom to OH Conference" petition. 

This doesn't discount the amazing friends and family I have right here in real life.  My Mother, Father, Step-Dad, Wife, Son, Grandmother, and Best Friend are all not just supportive, but just as excited as I am.  I have met almost no hesitation with them.  If nothing else I've even been able to change some of the things they previously thought about WLS.  My Mother and Father tell me everyday how proud they are of me.  My son who is large for his age and has always had an appetite like a teenager (he's 9) is starting to be more aware of what he puts in his mouth.  We're watching him choose healthier options and move around more than ever before.  His reasoning?  He wants to eat healthy like his Mommy.  My wife has cut out all of the carbs in her life (yes even Pepsi) and has lost 20lbs so far.  My Step-Dad, who isn't the biggest supportive of WLS itself has even made the positive comment or two.  My Grandmother got me a WiiFit for my birthday next week because I'm so excited to use it to work out(this will be a whole blog post for itself probably tomorrow). 

Today I feel blessed.  On a day that is rainy, muggy and gloomy, after a week of sadness, I really needed a blog about the love we feel as we journey through life.  It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

Tell me, How has major life events changed how you view your family and friends?

I am Woman!

Hear me ROAR!

Todays theme song:
I am Woman - Sex in the City Cast

This is it everyone!  Thanks for all the well wishes and wishes of luck!  Tomorrow starts the rest of my life!  The next time you hear from me I will be an official DSER!!!!!! I love you guys!!!


Here's my Surgery Happy Song Playlist:


Run The World - Beyonce
Somebody to Love - Justin Bieber
There Goes My Baby - Usher
She's So High - Tal Bachman
Landslide - Smashing Pumpkins
Today - Smashing Pumpkins
Lullaby - Shawn Mullins
Whenever, Wherever - Shakira
I'm a Woman - Cast of Sex In The City
No Day But Today - Cast of Rent (Movie)
Fuckin Perfect - Pink
Raise Your Glass - Pink
Sunrise - Norah Jones
One In A Million - Ne-Yo
Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
Steal My Sunshine - Len
Pray - Justin Bieber
Never Say Never - Justin Bieber Ft. Jaden Smith
Born To Be Somebody - Justin Bieber
Imagine - John Lennon
Not Afraid - Eminem
My Sacrifice - Creed
With Arms Wide Open - Creed
Higher - Creed
Shine - Collective Soul
Talking To The Moon - Bruno Mars
Empire State Of Mind (Part: II): Broken Down - Alicia Keys
Who Says - Selena Gomez and The Scene
By Your Side - Sade
What A Wonderful World - Kenny G
You're Beautiful - Kenny G
Did It On 'Em - Nicki Minaj
Good Riddance - Green Day

F****n Perfect

Theme song for today:
F****n Perfect by P!nk

Because of my surgery I have been working extra hard to let LV know just how perfect he is just the way he was born.  I tell him all the time he is perfect in every way to me.  I never want him to think that he will have to go to the extremes I am.  Instead we are working extra hard on showing him how to eat and live healthy.  We teach him why we eat certain foods and what they do to our bodies.  We push him as hard as we can to exercise.   Once I start to heal and can really start to walk outside he's going to be my walking buddy.  Of course I know from growing up that all the good parenting in the world can't prevent everything.  My parents were terrific.  My mom worked really hard at making sure we ate the right things.  We were always outside playing.  There was no need to push us to exercise.  Yet I still grew up to be the chubby girl in school and eventually the fat chick I am today.  My self esteem has been in the dump for years because of my weight.  I never want LV to feel like this.  Today's theme song is one we play a lot in my house for that exact reason.  Yes, curse words and all.   And LV can sing it at the top of his little lungs if he wishes.  He's actually a HUGE fan of Pink (my mom is too, must be a family thing).  Pink's music is empowering and  motivational.  Her music can touch you deep down to the core and really make you think twice about situations.  She can also make you feel like your on top of the world and can conquer anything. She's one of the top artists on my play list I made for my surgery.  Maybe tomorrow I'll share it. 

Tomorrow I start my clear liquid diet and I do a final check of my bags for the hospital.  LV will be off to my dads for the night (and the day of my surgery).  The anticipation is driving me nuts.  Since I'm sure Monday will be full of fun things in my IV, I can't wait until Tuesday, that will be the day I can sit in bed look at my belly and say "finally"!