A year later

A year ago I was just 4 weeks away from my surgery.  I can't even begin to explain just how much my life has changed.  I'm going to try my best to share all the marvelous things I have experienced.

This post was supposed to wait until my actual Surgiversary but today I hit a HUGE milestone.  I am finally in Onderland.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that means, my weight is in the 100's.  When I woke up this morning I weighed in at 200.00 lbs.  After a long poo and stripping off all my clothes I weighed in at 198.9.  If I wasn't so sick from this head cold I would of screamed.  I am literally almost half the woman I was a year ago.

So besides the numbers on the scale what else has changed?

1.  For starters my clothes size.  I started out in a 28/30.  Today I fluctuate between a 10-14.  It's a funny thing actually,  This is the only group of sizes I have found to be so different.  When I was a size 20 I was a firm 20, same goes for every size from 16 and up.  A size 10-14 is a funny thing.  Some size 10s fit me awesome while others won't go over my thighs.  Some size 14s just fit and some fall right off.  I am officially in a size of clothes that I can't leach off my friends.  That feels weird.  I actually have to start buying clothes.  Thank goodness for Goodwill.

2.  My self confidence is through the roof.  I still have my insecure moments but at this point I see them as being normal.  I no longer hold my head down when I walk.  I know I am full of awesome and finally no one has to remind me of that.  I can thank my awesome online and real life support system for helping me realize just how much I rock!

3.  I have a job.  I stand on my feet for 9 hours a day and I freaking love it.  Most people would consider my job mediocre, but I love it.  I couldn't ask for a better work environment and I really feel good about what I do.  Plus it's like getting paid to work out.  You could ask for more?

4.  My friends.  The people I talked to prior to WLS aren't really around anymore.  Some have faded away for various reasons.  Some I had to release because I realized just how toxic they were for me.  I no longer have the patience for drama or negativity.  The people I now consider my friends compliment me in every way as I hopefully do them.  I value my friendships more than ever and maybe it's because I'm finally at a place in my life where I can see just how much we mean to each other.  Some of my closest friends I have never met face to face.  Its amazing how close you can be to people on the other side of the continent.  We fight the same battles and hold the same values.  My in person friends mean just as much to me.  My friends mean the world to me.  Thats not something I could of said a year ago.

5.  My family.  Family has taken on a whole new meaning for me.  The support they have shown me through the past year means so much.  They have never failed to lift me up whenever I've needed it.  My immediate family has shown me what it's really meant to be loved.  I couldn't wake up every day without knowing they have my back.  Through thick and thin they have shown me just how unconditional their love is.  We are closer than we've ever been.  I have no doubt that what our relationships lacked was hugely my fault.  I kept myself excluded from family activities and relationships.  My brothers wedding was a huge turning point for me when it came to how I interacted with those that mean so much to me.  It was the first time I saw just how much my energy had to do with how I enjoyed social family situations.

6.  My posture.  As silly as this might sound this is big for me.  I never realized how hunched over I was.  I stand straighter, sit straighter and my back thanks me for it.  It takes some getting used to but every day I make it a point to check how I"m sitting and standing.

7.  My energy level is amazing.  I never thought I would feel this active.  I can't sit still.  I go for walks in the morning and I'm almost ready to start jogging.  My ten year old thinks this is awesome.  He joins me for my morning walks most of the time and honestly it is the best quality time I could ask for.  We talk, we share and we enjoy the silent.

8.  Lastly the scale.  I can't wrap my head around what it says to me.  198lbs.... I know I still have plenty of weight to lose but honestly if I didn't lose another lb I would be happy right where I am.  To me 198lbs is heaven.

Sharing this past year on my blog has been quite the experience.  I still plan on posting although I can tell you now that sitting still long enough to type all of this out is hard.  If I'm not working the last place I want to be is tied down to my computer chair.  The best way I think to get updates at this point is my Facebook page.  I won't completely abandoned this blog though.  I still have a ton of reviews to post.  Hopefully the next thing I'll be posting is new pictures.  I look awesome and it's about time I share.

I gained some and I lost some

I'm almost 10 months post-op.  I've learned a lot in these past few months.  I've also lost a lot.

I've learned that friends come and go but family (blood or bond) will stick with you forever.
I've learned that I know nothing close to what I thought I knew.  Each and every day is a learning experience whether it's about Weight Loss Surgery or life in general.
I've learned to love my body no matter what misshapen form it may take on.  Right now I look like a deflated Macys balloon, but put on some clothes and I look like a million bucks!
I've learned that love knows no bounds.

I've lost a few friends along this journey and I miss them dearly but sticking up for myself and my beliefs are something that is easier to do now.  No matter what the circumstance I have finally learned that it is not ok to be trampled on or under appreciated.

My biggest accomplishment?  I've lost 175lbs!

My hair is finally starting to grow back!  See:

What you can't see is my "new growth" that takes me about half an hour to tame.  But it finally looks a bit fuller :)

Here is my most recent before and after for those keeping track :
Yellow shirt June, 2011 @ 379lbs / Purple shirt April, 2012 @205lbs

10 lbs of Patience

( SCHOOLS DONE!!!!!  Well ok, almost done.  I have a week worth of tests and then I'm DONE!!!!  Which means, coming back to my blog and no more empty promises of posts.  )

I feel like I can't escape the dreaded ten lbs.

I've always been a weigher.  I was warned this was a bad idea and for some I've seen first hand how bad of an idea it can be, for me thought this whole DS experience has felt like a science experiment.  I weigh every day sometimes twice a day.  I can't imagine not weighing everyday.  I like to see how what I eat, how I move, and where my cycle is changes what I weigh at any given time.  I'm also such a huge loser that my 2 month long stall didn't even freak me out.  It almost felt like a mini vacation if that makes sense.  When I lose everyday my body almost feels tired.  Plus when I stall I almost always go down in a size or two and imho losing inches is far more satisfying than losing lbs sometimes.

I feel like 10lbs is this revolving goal.  I couldn't help but laugh about it this morning.  First it was 10 lbs or more that Greenbaum wanted me to lose before my surgery date.  Then I was waiting on the edge of my seat for 10 more lbs until I hit under 200lbs.  Then the tension in my house could be felt as I waited patiently for the last 10lbs before I hit The Century Club.  NOW I wait again for the last 10lbs before I'm in ONDERLAND!!! I'm not rushing it, right now I'm in a losing streak and for the past week have been averaging about a loss of 1 - 1.5 lbs a day.  Even if I stall thats ok too, I'm about to ovulate and that sometimes puts me in a little bit of a stall.

I say this every time I hit a "milestone", if I don't lose another lb I'd be happy where I am right now.  I weigh 209. 20freaking9.  I haven't weight that since I was a teenager.  More importantly I have NEVER felt this awesome in my life.  I also have to admit that I'm a bit scared of what seeing a 1 in front of my weight is going to feel like.  I don't ever remember seeing that.  I'm nervous and excited all at the same time.

One of the ways I help keep track of my weight is a nifty little app on my Android.  Check out my chart:

As of this morning:

HW: 379lbs (6/2011)
SW: 360lbs (7/11/11)
CW: 209lbs (3/30/12)
GW: 150lbs

And We Have a WINNER

We have a WINNER!!!  Well two actually :) 

Heidi D. has won one of my favorite goodies, a Pami Pocket!

You're very own Vanishing Mom has also won!  Although my win is more of a lose.  A 75lbs loss that is!!!

As of today I weigh in at 304.4lbs!  That is 75lbs down from my highest weight and 56lbs from my surgery date.  Ready for the best part?  Pictures!!

 In both pictures on the left I weighed in at 379, and on the right I weighed in at 305 (that was yesterday, today I'm a lb lighter)

I am sooo happy.  I can't wait to see what the following months have to come!  What makes this the best is I get to share it with you!  Yes you!  I have people I love to watch me shrink away.  Never in a million years did I ever think I could mutter the numbers that make up my weight to anyone, let alone all of cyber space.  I do it with the hopes of helping just one person.  If I can make the difference in just one persons life than I feel like I've done my job.  There are countless vets and pros who have given me tons of advice and support.  This is the best way I can find to pay it forward. 

Confessions of a Scale-O-Holic

First thing first, I know you love the new look!  I needed something simple. This works for now but it's not what my final look will be.  I'm soo indecisive. 


OK I'll admit it.  I've been weighing myself.  Mostly out of curiosity.  It's been beaten into my brain to stay away from it but I can't help it.  The worst thing about weighing yourself has already happened to me, I've stalled for a week and it didn't freak me out.  I expected that to happen.  For the past few days I've been losing at an amazing rate.  So fast in fact that I'm expecting my next stall.  I've lost about 3lbs a day for 3 days now.  Here are my stats so far:

379 - 2 week Pre-Op visit
360 - Day of surgery (7/11/11)
309 - Today (9/5/11 which is 8 weeks.  I'm not celebrating anything until my official two months next week)

I have officially lost 70 lbs.  Thats HUGE!  I feel amazing!  I have so much energy.  I can move in ways I couldn't just 70lbs ago.  I'm still not comfortable in my body though.  A 3x is still tight on me so I'm making that my first small goal.  I am so happy it's ridiculous.

I've stopped telling everyone around me about how fast I'm losing because it's starting to piss some people off.  It's a jealousy thing for sure.  Before my surgery if someone kept tell me how they lost 3lbs in their sleep I'd be super jealous too.  I just wish they knew this wasn't as easy as it looks.  I mean, it's not hard at this very moment but it's not a walk in the park either.

My newest complaint?  Eating.  Who would of ever thought I would almost never be hungry?  I've set a timer to remind me to eat and if I don't I find myself going almost all day with nothing but water in my system.  I've been eating a small portion of protein centered food every 2 hours.  So when I go out that means packing myself a snack or two.  If I don't do these things my blood sugar drops (yes you read that right, the prediabetic is having low blood sugar problems).  My body will even itself out over time in this respect but it takes patience and getting used to "grazing" my food throughout the day.

Speaking of which.  I have a B.A.T. calling my name!  YUM!

Happy Birthday To ME!

For my Birthday this year do you know what I got myself?  A few things actually:

• A Brand Spanking New 60 lb weight loss!  (As of this morning I'm 319lbs)
• An awesome family that loves me
• A Hurricane!  Beat that one! 

I'm here, I'm alive and I'm sorry if I haven't updated.  I've been super busy with school and my family.  I've also had a hard time thinking of this to write about that didn't involve Stephanie.  It's also been hard knowing she won't be able to comment or write me about something I've blogged.  I have heard from her friends and family though.  They really are wonderful people.  I'm so glad to have met them even if it was through such an unfortunate experience. 

I wanted to check in before Irene pounded us.  For those that don't know I live in NJ right across the bridge from Philadelphia.  Go ahead, I'll wait while you go check the link again....

Today I'm going to go register and insure my new Van and then I'm going to Camp Mom-Moms to pick it up, do a load of laundry, and sing Happy Birthday to me! Believe it or not the best part of my trip is not the van.  The best part of my trip is my step dads Pesole soup!  I've been craving this for weeks and I can't WAIT!

When I return to all my wonderful blogging friends I will have a new giveaway and a review!  I miss you all!

Two Week Follow Up

I'm working on a Blog Badge so if you have any ideas EMAIL me.  I'm coming up blank.

Today was my two week follow up with Dr. Greenbaum, which was freakin awesome!  I love talking to him about ObesityHelp.com and he loves that I'm using Vitalady!  He gets a kick out of me talking about him on the forums.

Ok before you ask, Stats:

375  Highest weight (June 22nd)
365  Surgery weight (July 11th)
337  2 week follow up weight (July 26th)


What's important for pre-ops to know though is that numbers will play tons of games with your mind.  IGNORE them all you can.  Instead pay attention to how your clothes fit.  Measure yourself.  Those are the things that are important.  The only numbers I plan on seeing are when my surgeon weighs me.  I refuse to look at the scale at my primary doctors.  I only list what I've lost before because it is the number one question people ask me. The reason for this?  As we loose massive amounts of weight in such a short period our bodys are going through this huge adjustment.  Once you loose a bundle of weight your body has to compensate for the fluid imbalance such as extra blood.  So you what you may interpret as a stall is just your body catching up with you.  Give it a week you'll notice inches have melted off and the scale will move again soon enough.

One of the things we talked about was my "fatty" liver.  He mentioned in the hospital that my liver was enlarged.  He biopsied it and according to him it's "not that bad"  I should receive a copy of my chart and surgical notes y the end of the week so I'll be able to see what the lab says for myself.  He did say though that now that I'm loosing weight it's size should go down too.

Heidi had asked how my pain level is.  Honestly I'm not really in pain anymore.  I'm uncomfortable and I'm still getting used to how my new belly feels but I feel pretty good.  The only real pain I'm having is my suture line.  It stings a bit and also itches at time which is all normal.  It's part of the healing process.  Nothing some tylenol won't fix although I normally ignore it.  Since my steri strip fell off two days ago I've been babying my belly.  I keep having visions of it being hit and my insides spilling out on the floor.  Silly I know, but do you blame me? LoL

My biggest  complaint right now, nausea.  I didn't have morning sickness this bad with my son.    Things that turn my face green?  Smells, like cigarette smoke, perfume, air freshener, certain foods and the way my son smells after playing outside. Some foods make me sick, not even eating them but thinking about the way they smell or taste.  Some times for no reason at all I'll feel sick.  Dr. G smiled when I said I've been feeling nauseous, I could of slapped him for thinking it was so awesome but according to him it's pretty normal.   So today he prescribed me Zofran which so far has helped ALOT.

I also get to start mushie foods net week!  I've been having a few already but honestly my belly feels better with mostly liquids so I'm not pushing it.  I know some doctors say mushies are ok at this point but I like Dr. G to go against what he's told me.  

I've also been working my vitamin regimen up so that I'm almost on a full schedule.  I have pictures to post and I will by tomorrow.  I'm exhausted.  I drove for the first time today and I've most definitely walked more than I have since my surgery.  Although I feel awesome I am sooo ready for a nap.