A year later

A year ago I was just 4 weeks away from my surgery.  I can't even begin to explain just how much my life has changed.  I'm going to try my best to share all the marvelous things I have experienced.

This post was supposed to wait until my actual Surgiversary but today I hit a HUGE milestone.  I am finally in Onderland.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that means, my weight is in the 100's.  When I woke up this morning I weighed in at 200.00 lbs.  After a long poo and stripping off all my clothes I weighed in at 198.9.  If I wasn't so sick from this head cold I would of screamed.  I am literally almost half the woman I was a year ago.

So besides the numbers on the scale what else has changed?

1.  For starters my clothes size.  I started out in a 28/30.  Today I fluctuate between a 10-14.  It's a funny thing actually,  This is the only group of sizes I have found to be so different.  When I was a size 20 I was a firm 20, same goes for every size from 16 and up.  A size 10-14 is a funny thing.  Some size 10s fit me awesome while others won't go over my thighs.  Some size 14s just fit and some fall right off.  I am officially in a size of clothes that I can't leach off my friends.  That feels weird.  I actually have to start buying clothes.  Thank goodness for Goodwill.

2.  My self confidence is through the roof.  I still have my insecure moments but at this point I see them as being normal.  I no longer hold my head down when I walk.  I know I am full of awesome and finally no one has to remind me of that.  I can thank my awesome online and real life support system for helping me realize just how much I rock!

3.  I have a job.  I stand on my feet for 9 hours a day and I freaking love it.  Most people would consider my job mediocre, but I love it.  I couldn't ask for a better work environment and I really feel good about what I do.  Plus it's like getting paid to work out.  You could ask for more?

4.  My friends.  The people I talked to prior to WLS aren't really around anymore.  Some have faded away for various reasons.  Some I had to release because I realized just how toxic they were for me.  I no longer have the patience for drama or negativity.  The people I now consider my friends compliment me in every way as I hopefully do them.  I value my friendships more than ever and maybe it's because I'm finally at a place in my life where I can see just how much we mean to each other.  Some of my closest friends I have never met face to face.  Its amazing how close you can be to people on the other side of the continent.  We fight the same battles and hold the same values.  My in person friends mean just as much to me.  My friends mean the world to me.  Thats not something I could of said a year ago.

5.  My family.  Family has taken on a whole new meaning for me.  The support they have shown me through the past year means so much.  They have never failed to lift me up whenever I've needed it.  My immediate family has shown me what it's really meant to be loved.  I couldn't wake up every day without knowing they have my back.  Through thick and thin they have shown me just how unconditional their love is.  We are closer than we've ever been.  I have no doubt that what our relationships lacked was hugely my fault.  I kept myself excluded from family activities and relationships.  My brothers wedding was a huge turning point for me when it came to how I interacted with those that mean so much to me.  It was the first time I saw just how much my energy had to do with how I enjoyed social family situations.

6.  My posture.  As silly as this might sound this is big for me.  I never realized how hunched over I was.  I stand straighter, sit straighter and my back thanks me for it.  It takes some getting used to but every day I make it a point to check how I"m sitting and standing.

7.  My energy level is amazing.  I never thought I would feel this active.  I can't sit still.  I go for walks in the morning and I'm almost ready to start jogging.  My ten year old thinks this is awesome.  He joins me for my morning walks most of the time and honestly it is the best quality time I could ask for.  We talk, we share and we enjoy the silent.

8.  Lastly the scale.  I can't wrap my head around what it says to me.  198lbs.... I know I still have plenty of weight to lose but honestly if I didn't lose another lb I would be happy right where I am.  To me 198lbs is heaven.

Sharing this past year on my blog has been quite the experience.  I still plan on posting although I can tell you now that sitting still long enough to type all of this out is hard.  If I'm not working the last place I want to be is tied down to my computer chair.  The best way I think to get updates at this point is my Facebook page.  I won't completely abandoned this blog though.  I still have a ton of reviews to post.  Hopefully the next thing I'll be posting is new pictures.  I look awesome and it's about time I share.

I gained some and I lost some

I'm almost 10 months post-op.  I've learned a lot in these past few months.  I've also lost a lot.

I've learned that friends come and go but family (blood or bond) will stick with you forever.
I've learned that I know nothing close to what I thought I knew.  Each and every day is a learning experience whether it's about Weight Loss Surgery or life in general.
I've learned to love my body no matter what misshapen form it may take on.  Right now I look like a deflated Macys balloon, but put on some clothes and I look like a million bucks!
I've learned that love knows no bounds.

I've lost a few friends along this journey and I miss them dearly but sticking up for myself and my beliefs are something that is easier to do now.  No matter what the circumstance I have finally learned that it is not ok to be trampled on or under appreciated.

My biggest accomplishment?  I've lost 175lbs!

My hair is finally starting to grow back!  See:

What you can't see is my "new growth" that takes me about half an hour to tame.  But it finally looks a bit fuller :)

Here is my most recent before and after for those keeping track :
Yellow shirt June, 2011 @ 379lbs / Purple shirt April, 2012 @205lbs

Happy New Year!

This past year has been filled with laughter, love, tears, compassion, hardship, but most of all for me it's been about perseverance.

For my blog readers you have been able to see a small snippet into my life and experience some of what I'm talking about.  For friends and family you have seen first hand what this past year has entailed for me.  For both my readers and my loved ones I owe all of you a HUGE thank you.  Without the support and compassion that I have seen there is no way I would be where I am right now.

Here is a small list of the things I have experienced this past year.  I will try my best to keep them in order.  For those who are keeping track.  There is plenty to be thankful for in my life online but this is my DS blog therefore I'm going to try my hardest to keep on track with the theme.

1.  Life Came to a HALT:   In the beginning of the year, around January, I realized at 30 years old my health was declining faster than it should.  I was overweight, unhappy, uncomfortable but most importantly, unhealthy.  I started on my journey to a healthier new me.  I joined OH and started seeking out surgical options.  I also scheduled a doctors appointment with my new PCP to discuss what I could possibly do.  At this point, the option I liked best was the Lap band.  By February I had done enough research to learn that with my weight, lifestyle and for best overall results the only way for me to go was a Duodenal Switch.

2.  Time to Move On!:  By the time February rolled around I was determined on the DS.  I started to research doctors and found Dr. Greenbaum.  Not only was he one of the top docs for my surgery in the country but he was right up the street (literally 5 minutes from my house).  The best part was he took my insurance!  That was it.  mind made up, surgeon picked and support system in place!  for the next few months I researched, hit some road blocks and kept on 'truckin.

3.  Life is Forever Changed:  By June I had completed my testing, had gotten approved by insurance and had my surgery date scheduled.  On Monday, July 11th 2011 weighing in at 360lbs (I lost 19 lbs on my pre-op diet) my life changed forever.  By the end of that day I had custom designer guts and would never be the same again.  For those that paid attention I have the COOLEST surgiversary date ever!  Every year on 7/11 7-Eleven offers free Slurpees.  That means every year on the day I will relive one of the moments that changed my life forever I get a free Slurpee (I will be going for the sugar free version this year).

4.  Reality Slowly Slips Away:  Since 7/11 I have not had one week where my body hasn't changed.  If pounds weren't melting off the inches were.  I've seen frustration with my vitamins and water.  I've been furious over the fact that I can never seem to eat enough.  I've watched my immediate family change their eating habits and my wife lose weight in her own amazing way.  Nothing about my life is the same as it was.  I don't have any of the same clothes I had a year ago, My feet are smaller, I swear I'm shorter but mostly I have never felt so amazing in my life.

The old me vs the new me?

This time last year:
I weighed 379lbs.
I was wearing a size 28/30 or a 5xl with my shoes at a 10.5
I ran out of breath going across the room.
Stairs were my worst enemy.
My sleep apnea setting was the highest it's ever been, 16.
My blood sugar was completely out of control.
My cholesterol and blood pressure was getting higher every day.
Because I had no energy parenting was a chore.  To think about how this effected my son makes me sick.
Although I thought I was cooking healthy I had no idea what I was really doing to my family.
I hated going out because face it, at 379lbs taking a shower was a chore.  Going out to the car and moving around was torture.

Today:

I weigh 240lbs.

I am wearing an 18 or a 1x and my shoes are a 9 - 9.5 (I steal my sons clothes now)

I have to run around the block to run out of breath.

I love stairs.  I love the burn they make my legs feel after I've run up and down them a few times.

I am about to have a new sleep apnea study because my setting of 16 is entirely too high.

My blood sugar?  Normal.  All the diabetes signs I had such as the black rings around my neck are gone!

My cholesterol?  Normal.

My blood pressure?  Low.

My son doesn't have as much energy as I have.  Sometimes he can't even keep up with me.  

I now cook only healthy.  Everyone in my house is benefiting from the way I cook.  

I hate sitting in the house.  I look for every excuse to take a shower, get dressed and go out.

This past year has been memorable in so many ways.  I could keep going on and on but you'd get bored.  One thing is for sure, I may be thinner but I feel huge with the amount of love and people I now have in my life because of a surgery I never thought I would have the guts to have.

Thank you so much for every comment, message and like you have shown to my page.  I appreciate every single one of you.  Wether I've met you in real life, have already known you, or we know each other through IM's and forums, you have all made a tremendous difference in my life.  From the bottom of my heart, Thank you.

I can't ring in the new year and send out the old one without taking a moment to thank one of the most important people in my weight loss surgery journey.
R.I.P. Stephanie.  I will miss you forever and beyond.  I have you to thank for so many things.  Thank you for being all that you were and all that you will always be in my heart.  I dedicate my journey through WLS to you.  

-Forever Your's-

The Vanishing Mom

aka

Joianne

Holidays Every Day

I didn't make too big of a deal about Christmas on here.

I have my reasons.  One of which is that I've been so darn busy with the family that coming online to do anything was almost impossible.

Another reason is because I have a problem with the "Holidays".  Yes, this time of year is magical and amazing but shouldn't the rest of the year be the same?  I try to find one thing in my day (in my week at least) that makes me feel just as magical the rest of the year.  This past year has been full of amazement for me.  I have a whole blog post of "Wows" ready for New Years so I'll save that rambling for this weekend.

Christmas here at the VM house was nothing short of amazing though.  It was simple, sweet, and filled with family, just the way it should be.

I indulged a little bit more than I normally do.  I had a bit of sweet potatoes, red potato salad and a tiny slice of my Sister in Laws Famous Apple Cake.  With all the carbs I managed to get down I lost 4lbs.  Crazy for the Normies with their Normie bellies but for my DS belly awesome stuff!  Carbs are normally a no-no for us.  Carbs are easy to digest therefore we absorb all those calories and they can have the same effect as it does for anyone else with some added gas.  However if you follow your DS diet and indulge a little bit on a rare occasion expect it to shake things up a bit, in more ways than one.  Every DSer reacts a bit differently but for me all I had was a tiny bit of extra gas and the loss of a few lbs.

For Christmas we go to my wife's Aunt for Christmas breakfast and than we come home and I have some of my family over for dinner.  This year we were able to have my dad, my Sister in Law and her awesome boyfriend, and on Monday we took a trip to my moms to spend some time with my Step Dad, my Mom and my Step Brother.  Like I said, simple and full of family.

How were your Holidays?

A Month?!

Has it really been that long?

School work and family has taken up so much of my time that my poor blog has been sitting by it's lonesome self.

I promise by the end of the day I will have an INCREDIBLE update with pictures to boot!

My Switched Scoop: The BAT (Bacon Avocado and Tomato)

I have to share another awesome recipe I found. This time it's another DSer!

For the past month I keep reading this post because it looked so good and today I finally made it. I'm so glad I did because it is DELICIOUS!  Thanks Maria!

Try it for yourself, it's super easy:

My Switched Scoop: The BAT (Bacon Avocado and Tomato)

Happy Birthday To ME!

For my Birthday this year do you know what I got myself?  A few things actually:

• A Brand Spanking New 60 lb weight loss!  (As of this morning I'm 319lbs)
• An awesome family that loves me
• A Hurricane!  Beat that one! 

I'm here, I'm alive and I'm sorry if I haven't updated.  I've been super busy with school and my family.  I've also had a hard time thinking of this to write about that didn't involve Stephanie.  It's also been hard knowing she won't be able to comment or write me about something I've blogged.  I have heard from her friends and family though.  They really are wonderful people.  I'm so glad to have met them even if it was through such an unfortunate experience. 

I wanted to check in before Irene pounded us.  For those that don't know I live in NJ right across the bridge from Philadelphia.  Go ahead, I'll wait while you go check the link again....

Today I'm going to go register and insure my new Van and then I'm going to Camp Mom-Moms to pick it up, do a load of laundry, and sing Happy Birthday to me! Believe it or not the best part of my trip is not the van.  The best part of my trip is my step dads Pesole soup!  I've been craving this for weeks and I can't WAIT!

When I return to all my wonderful blogging friends I will have a new giveaway and a review!  I miss you all!

The loss of a friend

I've been meaning to blog for the past few days.  I just haven't had it in me. 

As I sat down last night to blog to you about my one month Surgiversary I was greeted with terrible news. 
An online friend who you may have seen commenting on my blogs went for her DS surgery on 8/11.  She passed away two days later from complications. We don't know the final reasons just yet.  Quite a few people are pointing fingers at the surgeon.  Honestly I think that in such a tragic situation we all look to blame someone.  Until we have the test results and a reason why she passed away we need to curl our fingers back up.

Instead of dwelling on why, or how, I want to share with you who she was to me. 

Stephanie was a friend met through ObesityHelp.com.  She came to me with questions which quickly turned into a small online friendship.  We supported each others blogs and I shared with her all the tips I could as my progress went on.  Stephanie was always quick to help promote my blog and contests.  Without her I wouldn't have some of the traffic I do.  Through her trials and tribulations that she shared on her blog I was able to find strength and inspiration.  She wanted what all of us look for who are pursuing weight loss surgery, relief from obesity.  She was beautiful inside and out.  Stefanie is support by amazing family, friends, a sweet loving boyfriend and her cute lizard Osi.  She also leaves behind many online friends.  As an online community we will miss her soo much.  My only regret is that I never had the chance to meet her in person.  I keep checking online for new comments from her or a message telling me this was all a huge mistake and I have the wrong Stephanie.  I'm going to miss her sooo much.

Stephanie, We will miss you everyday.  You finally finished your journey, sleep with peace my friend.  This spot on the bench will always have your name on it.  *hugs*

For those that were not familiar with her, take the time to get to know an amazing person.  Her blog is HERE


I originally posted this comment on BlackBerry Mama's Blog and felt it was appropriate to add to this blog post:

"When preparing for my surgery death came up often, too much at one point. What made me feel comfortable is that my family understood. They knew exactly how I felt and agreed with me.
If I didn't die from trying to fix the problem, the problem was eventually going to kill me. I wanted to go down as a fighter. Had I of passed I wanted my son to know that his Mommy did EVERYTHING she could to be healthy. Everyone in my family agreed and understood, no matter how hard to reality of the situation was. 

Death is something that needs to be taken into careful consideration when deciding on surgery. It needs to be thought about when picking your surgery and surgeon. It needs to be thought about when preparing for your surgery and the life you live afterwards.

The friendship I had with Stephanie will always live within my blogs and online persona. As an online community her memory will be kept alive for all the other pre-ops who come after her.
I hurt for her family. I can't even imagine how they must feel. I've spoken to her boyfriend a few time and my heart breaks for him. The love they shared was immense."

Chike Giveaway!!

The wonderful guys over at Chike! gave me a call today.  

It seems that they are thrilled that I like their product!

I heart those guys.

They really are the best.

 

They want to make sure you love them just as much.  

So they are allowing me to hook my readers up with some of their product!

A 1.59 tub of their Strawberry Burst!

So here's the rules:

1.  You have to "like" and share my Facebook page. Click HERE

2.  You have to "like" and share Melting Mama.  Without her I wouldn't know Chike!  Click HERE

3.  Most importantly you have to "like" and share CHIKE!'s Facebook's page.  Click HERE

4.  When you're all done leave me a comment and let me know.  I will enter your name into a random generator (aka a paper bag) and let my assistant (my son) randomly pick a winner.

5.  The deadline is August 11th at 8pm.  

Spread the word.  The more people I'm able to have participate in this contest will determine if I'm able to do this again. 

I'm still here

I've been in quite the funk lately.... My baby is gone.  He's off to summer camp and I miss him soo much.  

I haven't felt like doing much since he's been gone.  He gets back in two days and I'll be my old self again. 

Today I wanted to tell you about a blog that I'm hooked on.  I'm about to go grocery shopping for the first time post op.  Her blog was the first place I went for advice on how to stock up my kitchen.  I have the essentials that I will need but the every day, get meals prepared so I'm not grazing or ordering out with my new DS kind of stuff.  She has had a different surgery but eating wise it's pretty similar.  Take your butts over to her blog and make sure you let her know who sent you!  The World According To EggFace  You'll thank me. 

Things I may have forgotten

Posting more than once a day is confusing.  So rather than make two posts I'll save what I wanted to post today for tomorrow.  In the meantime I'd really appreciate it if you made your way over to Blackberry Mama's blog and wished her a Happy Birthday!  She has been influential and inspirational in every way.  I can't wait to go to my first event and be able to give her a real hug.  Until then, my virtual hug will have to do.  Visit her, you won't regret it! And don't forget to tell her who sent you!

As I was going through my Droid grabbing pictures for my next post I stumbled on hospital pictures I never shared.  Since I have a few friends about to have surgery I thought posting them was important.  There is only a few so don't worry about a long load time.  Enjoy!

Jully 11th, 2001 

 This was my view in pre-op as I waited to be brought upstairs for surgery.

I will never forget that day.  It will live with me for the rest of my life.  It was the day my life started all over.  It was the day that changed how I view and eat food.  It's the day I really started living. 

Look at that chubby, round, pale face.  I was scared and did everything I could not to show it.  This was pre-op still.  Waiting for my good friend Leann (who also works on the surgical floor) to wheel me upstairs.

This was the view from my bed post-op.  That black bag on the table is my CPAP machine bag.  Everyday I struggled to get out of bed and walk as much as I could.  My room was pretty spacious.  I won't lie and tell you I couldn't wait to come home, quite the contrary.  I LOVE staying in a hospital.  It's quiet, calm and relaxing.  People bring you food and fluff your pillow.  Who wouldn't like that?

Not much to see, just more of the view I had from bed.  The view from my window was boring so I didn't even bother to take a picture.

This was one of the highlights of my hospital stay.  I'm a geek, I know I am and I watch too much damn Grey's Anatomy.  My first highlight was the cute little Greys Anatomy scrubs the nurses wore.  The second highlight?  This big boy bag hanging up.  Potassium Chloride, this stuff will keep you hydrated and have the potential to kill you!  While I laid in bed I saw an episode of Law and Order that highlighted this very same substance.  Can you imagine the freaked out position I laid in as I looked at the TV then looked at this bag.  You can bet I grabbed my phone and Googled this stuff quick and in a hurry.  LoL

Tomorrow I have some Chike to review and I can't wait to share it with you!  I also will be doing my first giveaway next week so tell you're friends to come check out my blog if they want to win some yummy things to try!

Eggface

First post to be published by the time I go to bed tonight.  In the mean time check out one of my favorite Blogs for living with WLS.  She has AWESOME recipes, ideas and CONTESTS!!!  She also looks amazing!  Click the link below to check her out while wait for me to get off my lazy butt :)