Happy New Year!

This past year has been filled with laughter, love, tears, compassion, hardship, but most of all for me it's been about perseverance.

For my blog readers you have been able to see a small snippet into my life and experience some of what I'm talking about.  For friends and family you have seen first hand what this past year has entailed for me.  For both my readers and my loved ones I owe all of you a HUGE thank you.  Without the support and compassion that I have seen there is no way I would be where I am right now.

Here is a small list of the things I have experienced this past year.  I will try my best to keep them in order.  For those who are keeping track.  There is plenty to be thankful for in my life online but this is my DS blog therefore I'm going to try my hardest to keep on track with the theme.

1.  Life Came to a HALT:   In the beginning of the year, around January, I realized at 30 years old my health was declining faster than it should.  I was overweight, unhappy, uncomfortable but most importantly, unhealthy.  I started on my journey to a healthier new me.  I joined OH and started seeking out surgical options.  I also scheduled a doctors appointment with my new PCP to discuss what I could possibly do.  At this point, the option I liked best was the Lap band.  By February I had done enough research to learn that with my weight, lifestyle and for best overall results the only way for me to go was a Duodenal Switch.

2.  Time to Move On!:  By the time February rolled around I was determined on the DS.  I started to research doctors and found Dr. Greenbaum.  Not only was he one of the top docs for my surgery in the country but he was right up the street (literally 5 minutes from my house).  The best part was he took my insurance!  That was it.  mind made up, surgeon picked and support system in place!  for the next few months I researched, hit some road blocks and kept on 'truckin.

3.  Life is Forever Changed:  By June I had completed my testing, had gotten approved by insurance and had my surgery date scheduled.  On Monday, July 11th 2011 weighing in at 360lbs (I lost 19 lbs on my pre-op diet) my life changed forever.  By the end of that day I had custom designer guts and would never be the same again.  For those that paid attention I have the COOLEST surgiversary date ever!  Every year on 7/11 7-Eleven offers free Slurpees.  That means every year on the day I will relive one of the moments that changed my life forever I get a free Slurpee (I will be going for the sugar free version this year).

4.  Reality Slowly Slips Away:  Since 7/11 I have not had one week where my body hasn't changed.  If pounds weren't melting off the inches were.  I've seen frustration with my vitamins and water.  I've been furious over the fact that I can never seem to eat enough.  I've watched my immediate family change their eating habits and my wife lose weight in her own amazing way.  Nothing about my life is the same as it was.  I don't have any of the same clothes I had a year ago, My feet are smaller, I swear I'm shorter but mostly I have never felt so amazing in my life.

The old me vs the new me?

This time last year:
I weighed 379lbs.
I was wearing a size 28/30 or a 5xl with my shoes at a 10.5
I ran out of breath going across the room.
Stairs were my worst enemy.
My sleep apnea setting was the highest it's ever been, 16.
My blood sugar was completely out of control.
My cholesterol and blood pressure was getting higher every day.
Because I had no energy parenting was a chore.  To think about how this effected my son makes me sick.
Although I thought I was cooking healthy I had no idea what I was really doing to my family.
I hated going out because face it, at 379lbs taking a shower was a chore.  Going out to the car and moving around was torture.

Today:

I weigh 240lbs.

I am wearing an 18 or a 1x and my shoes are a 9 - 9.5 (I steal my sons clothes now)

I have to run around the block to run out of breath.

I love stairs.  I love the burn they make my legs feel after I've run up and down them a few times.

I am about to have a new sleep apnea study because my setting of 16 is entirely too high.

My blood sugar?  Normal.  All the diabetes signs I had such as the black rings around my neck are gone!

My cholesterol?  Normal.

My blood pressure?  Low.

My son doesn't have as much energy as I have.  Sometimes he can't even keep up with me.  

I now cook only healthy.  Everyone in my house is benefiting from the way I cook.  

I hate sitting in the house.  I look for every excuse to take a shower, get dressed and go out.

This past year has been memorable in so many ways.  I could keep going on and on but you'd get bored.  One thing is for sure, I may be thinner but I feel huge with the amount of love and people I now have in my life because of a surgery I never thought I would have the guts to have.

Thank you so much for every comment, message and like you have shown to my page.  I appreciate every single one of you.  Wether I've met you in real life, have already known you, or we know each other through IM's and forums, you have all made a tremendous difference in my life.  From the bottom of my heart, Thank you.

I can't ring in the new year and send out the old one without taking a moment to thank one of the most important people in my weight loss surgery journey.
R.I.P. Stephanie.  I will miss you forever and beyond.  I have you to thank for so many things.  Thank you for being all that you were and all that you will always be in my heart.  I dedicate my journey through WLS to you.  

-Forever Your's-

The Vanishing Mom

aka

Joianne

Sometimes Love Comes In Many Forms

If you know me personally you may have heard about my best friend and her battle with cancer.  If you don't know me personally you are about to find out a little more about me.  This has impacted me more than my DS has.  I've known this woman for over 12 years and her family has always meant as much to me as my own.

My best friend was diagnosed with cervical cancer a little over a year ago.  According to testing it was stage 2 aggressive.  She went under intensive radiation and chemo which did little to her cancer cells.  Finally they performed a hysterectomy this past fall.  Her surgery knocked her off her feet and caused several complications.  This past week her biopsy results came back and the cancer is still there.  She will be undergoing chemo and radiation again this coming new year.

My heart breaks for her.  She is a single mother to three children.  One is Autistic and one of them lost her father almost two years ago to cancer.  My friends life is anything but easy.  She is currently living in a state that offers little resources and since she is unable to work she is struggling more than someone should.  I wish there was more I could do to help.  Since there is very little I can do here states away from her I am spending my spare time researching everything I can in her area and looking for help in every nook and crany that I can.  One of the things I'm doing to help her along the way is setting up a donation site so that maybe I can get some food in her house and maybe a bill or two paid.  I know money is tight for everyone so if nothing else I am just asking that you pass this around.

As of last week her insurance refused to pay for a very much needed pet scan.  News such as this is such a blow to her.  I will make sure to keep my readers updated through here and my donation site.

Prayers, wishes, and thoughts are greatly appreciated for her.

Raise Money Online

Holidays Every Day

I didn't make too big of a deal about Christmas on here.

I have my reasons.  One of which is that I've been so darn busy with the family that coming online to do anything was almost impossible.

Another reason is because I have a problem with the "Holidays".  Yes, this time of year is magical and amazing but shouldn't the rest of the year be the same?  I try to find one thing in my day (in my week at least) that makes me feel just as magical the rest of the year.  This past year has been full of amazement for me.  I have a whole blog post of "Wows" ready for New Years so I'll save that rambling for this weekend.

Christmas here at the VM house was nothing short of amazing though.  It was simple, sweet, and filled with family, just the way it should be.

I indulged a little bit more than I normally do.  I had a bit of sweet potatoes, red potato salad and a tiny slice of my Sister in Laws Famous Apple Cake.  With all the carbs I managed to get down I lost 4lbs.  Crazy for the Normies with their Normie bellies but for my DS belly awesome stuff!  Carbs are normally a no-no for us.  Carbs are easy to digest therefore we absorb all those calories and they can have the same effect as it does for anyone else with some added gas.  However if you follow your DS diet and indulge a little bit on a rare occasion expect it to shake things up a bit, in more ways than one.  Every DSer reacts a bit differently but for me all I had was a tiny bit of extra gas and the loss of a few lbs.

For Christmas we go to my wife's Aunt for Christmas breakfast and than we come home and I have some of my family over for dinner.  This year we were able to have my dad, my Sister in Law and her awesome boyfriend, and on Monday we took a trip to my moms to spend some time with my Step Dad, my Mom and my Step Brother.  Like I said, simple and full of family.

How were your Holidays?

Tis the Season to Pay it Forward

It's 8:30am.
The boy is off to school.
My mug of coffee is almost done and I'm about to take my first round off vitamins.
Once that is done I'm off to the Wii Fit which will tell me I'm losing weight too fast but still overweight.
Then I think I might go for a power walk, with my bestie Adele of course.  Her album makes for the best workout session!


This past week has been rather inspirational for me.  My wife and very good friend are both starting their journeys to a brand spanking new DS.  They've both talked to their primary doctors and received referrals for Dr. Greenbaum. I've set them both onto two of my favorite research sites Obesity Help and DSFacts.  They've both been to support groups with me and talked to other WLS friends.  Most of all though they've watched how I've slimmed down, grown and transformed over the past 5 months.  With both of them having several comorbalities they are excellent candidates for WLS.  I am so excited for them!  Being able to pass on the gift of health feels terrific.  Most of all I'm excited that my wife will be my partner in crime all the way!

The hardest part of passing on the gift of WLS is trying to get an excited newcomer to realize that with the good comes some bad.  It is major surgery.  There is a chance of major complications even if you do follow all the rules.  Your safest route is being informed.  When it comes to such a major life change there is no such thing as too much information.  So I've pointed them to a few blogs of wonderful people who have no problem sharing their stories.  I'm sure I've mentioned them before but in case you missed it and you're contemplating WLS of any kind please check them out.  These blogs are filled to the brim with helpful information that you will find useful in every step of your journey.

First up is BlackBerry Mama.  She has several blog posts that I refer to over and over again.  For instance when she explains how losing too much weight is an amazing adventure theres more to it than meets the eye. She also shared how she had a pretty intense hospital stay because she wasn't keeping up on her vitamins.  The latter of the two posts spoke volumes to me and every time I have a hard time with my vitamins I refer back to it to remind just how important it is that I keep on top of them.

Second is Melting Mama.  While she didn't have the DS she did have WLS and although her regimen isn't the exact as mine it comes pretty close.  She has a great story to tell and doesn't hold back from explaining how WLS can drastically change your life for good, bad, and in between.  MM also has an awesome support group that she runs through Facebook.  She is blunt., to the point, and doesn't hold back.  My favorite recent post exposes things that pre-ops don't normally think about: transfer addiction.  Check it out in Tis The Season To Transfer Your Addiction.

Third is Formerly Fluffy.  She holds awesome contests and always has fantastic recipes.  I use her as a resource for information up and beyond what I can find anywhere else.  If she doesn't know about it there is bound to be a link somewhere in her blog about it.

Of course I saved the best for last!  Dina runs a blog called Living the DS Life.  I had a super hard time keeping anything in my belly.  I wasn't vomiting but I couldn't eat because I had nausea soo bad.  I couldn't even get in my vitamins.  Dina is the one who walked me through fixing my belly and she was there for me every step of the way.  When new patients ask me about post op diet and ideas on what to eat I direct them to her blog.  She has an awesome resource section for Eating.  Her story is also remarkable and one to make sure you read.

Programs, Support and Progress

Yeah I know, it's been forever and a day since I've made a new post.  Honestly though life has been crazy over here.  I promise not to stay away this long again.  I miss sharing but most of all I miss all the awesome feedback I get.

Short recap:

1.  As of this morning I've lost 132 lbs.  Yeah you read that right!  I am 5 months and two days out of surgery and I've lost a whole fricken person!  This is a huge reason why I've been absent.  In the past few months I find sitting down to be one of my biggest struggles.  Removing the weight of one person gives you amazing energy.  I now look forward to waking up early, taking a shower and picking out my cute outfit for the day.  Six months ago just getting out of bed was a struggle.  Sitting down at the computer for more than a few minutes seems like torture now.  As a matter of fact I think you all deserve a picture.  Here's my most recent (Thank you Daddy for putting it together!).  It's about 3 weeks old so expect a new one soon.


2.  Sitting down requires a longer explanation.  I've got hemorrhoids.  Personal and a little too much information I'm sure, however I did promise to share all the nitty gritty though so there you have it.  About a month ago I had surgery to remove some of them but it's still a work in progress.  So while sitting long enough to write a blog post is torture on my soul it can sometimes be a pain in the rear too.

3.  I needed to get back to the basics of being a mommy.  As hard as I try to put myself first there is this little guy who walks around here.  He needs my attention more than I do.  Since school is now in session which means this Mommy has IEP's, functions and homework to help with.  My son has ADHD and severe migraines and because of these things he gets extra attention from us.  Cooking dinner is normally a whole day process since we don't eat anything processed.  Everything I make to eat is fresh and homemade.  No food dyes, artificial anything (food dyes, preservatives or enhancers), and nothing premade (yuk).  We also practice Positive Behavior Mod which takes more energy than someone can imagine.  So needless to say the little guy (although he's not so little anymore) is a huge part of why I don't blog so much anymore.

4.  Thanks to this little nifty program I downloaded that was supposed to help make posting easier I lost 3 blog posts.  I never even thought to double check to make sure they made it on here.

     Like I said up top, I won't be gone this long again.  I miss you all.  Yeah I know I have a "therapist" and as wonderful as she is theres nothing better than spilling my guts on here.  Plus I have tons of new things to tell you about.  Rather than fill you're whole screen with nothing other than updates and all the awesomeness that I'm dealing with my way I'll split it up into a few posts.

     If you still are in the mood for reading head on over to one of my favorite WLS peeeps blog.  She's doing a contest right now for an awesome digital scale.  My Switched Scoop!

Fresh Beginings

On such a sad day when the world seems to come to a stop for some I like to think that it's a day of new beginnings. 

Today ten years ago I decided to keep a baby that I didn't think I was ready for.  Today my 9 1/2 year old stands besides me and reminds me of each life that was lost and how grateful I am am to them. We will always remember and cherish each and every family who lost a loved one. I hope one day he will grow up and help keep their memory alive. I can see the spark of hope in his eyes.  

At 8:46 my son and I held each other for a full minute, I had to wipe the tears but it led to a great discussion. We then sat down and talked about why 9/11 is so important, not just for a country but for him and I. We spoke of how almost 3,000 lives were lost that day but 2 were saved. We talked about why it's important for him to live his life with passion, hope and perseverance. One day that boy is going to make a difference in the world. He already has changed my world forever.

This year I reflected on how much the last 10 years have changed not just myself but those around me.  I think I can speak for all my loved ones that we are better people than we were 10 years ago.

So as I sit here sipping on my Chocolate/Banana Chike protein drink, I'm listening to the memorial at Ground Zero.  My heart goes out to all those who lost a loved one.  I also want to thank all those who have served/or are serving our country to keep our freedom.  

This year I've already taken the first steps to a new me.  I'm proud to be part of this country, a mother to my child and a DSer!  

Cleaning Up

For some Irene left a nasty mess of destruction.  For those people my heart goes out and I wish them a quick recovery. I've donated some of my protein samples to a few people I know.  I just wish there was more I could do.  If you made it through the storm as good as I've done consider donating to the Red Cross or other charities.  It's amazing how little help they get. 

For us though, the story is completely different. My basements got some water in it.  We were fortunate enough to grab some of the valuable things out first.  What we lose we didn't need anyway.  We were lucky.

There's a bunch of tree limbs and branches on my lawn and in the street but thankfully no trees. 

Really though, this is as bad as it got.

I have a grandmother still without power and most of the towns around us just got turned back on yesterday and the day before.  We lost power for maybe 5 minutes, like I said, we were lucky.

I've also been working on myself.  I started not to feel so good and thought for sure I was going to end up in the ER.  I had a hard time dealing with my emotions for this and didn't speak about it with friends or family.  I kind of just sucked it up.  Instead I reached out to some of the DS vets I know.  One of which is Awesome Dina.  Click on her name.  It'll bring you to her blog and it is completely worth the trip.   She has some of the best information for the DS and life afterwards available.  Her site is always my fall back.  Luckily I know her through some of the online sources I use so when in doubt she is always a message away.  She's been through a lot since her surgery so she has tons of advice and information to fill you up on. 

Turns out the 64oz of water a day that we need is just not enough for me so I'm working towards 100oz of water a day.  I also wasn't eating enough.  That my friends is a funny thing.  I used to always be hungry.  I never could get enough to eat.  Now?  I am never, and I mean NEVER hungry.  It's a weird feeling and it takes sometime to get used too.  It's teaching me to have a different relationship with food than I'm used too.  Before my surgery I ate what I felt like eating.  After my surgery I have to learn to eat what fuels my body and is good for me.  I'm starting to enjoy food more and appreciate it's worth. It's really hard to understand and wrap my head around but I'm loving every second of it. 

Now that I'm all juiced up and feeling terrific again I'll be posting again.  It was so hard to come on here and offer advice when I felt like sludge.  I hate whining so it was even harder to blog since I hadn't really told my family about it and they read my blog.  

I have a post all ready to go for later today I just didn't want to bombard you with two at the same time.  I have a product review for the PamiPocket and Tomorrow I have a review for Banana CHIKE!  (so far my favorite flavor)!

Happy Birthday To ME!

For my Birthday this year do you know what I got myself?  A few things actually:

• A Brand Spanking New 60 lb weight loss!  (As of this morning I'm 319lbs)
• An awesome family that loves me
• A Hurricane!  Beat that one! 

I'm here, I'm alive and I'm sorry if I haven't updated.  I've been super busy with school and my family.  I've also had a hard time thinking of this to write about that didn't involve Stephanie.  It's also been hard knowing she won't be able to comment or write me about something I've blogged.  I have heard from her friends and family though.  They really are wonderful people.  I'm so glad to have met them even if it was through such an unfortunate experience. 

I wanted to check in before Irene pounded us.  For those that don't know I live in NJ right across the bridge from Philadelphia.  Go ahead, I'll wait while you go check the link again....

Today I'm going to go register and insure my new Van and then I'm going to Camp Mom-Moms to pick it up, do a load of laundry, and sing Happy Birthday to me! Believe it or not the best part of my trip is not the van.  The best part of my trip is my step dads Pesole soup!  I've been craving this for weeks and I can't WAIT!

When I return to all my wonderful blogging friends I will have a new giveaway and a review!  I miss you all!

Two Week Follow Up

I'm working on a Blog Badge so if you have any ideas EMAIL me.  I'm coming up blank.

Today was my two week follow up with Dr. Greenbaum, which was freakin awesome!  I love talking to him about ObesityHelp.com and he loves that I'm using Vitalady!  He gets a kick out of me talking about him on the forums.

Ok before you ask, Stats:

375  Highest weight (June 22nd)
365  Surgery weight (July 11th)
337  2 week follow up weight (July 26th)


What's important for pre-ops to know though is that numbers will play tons of games with your mind.  IGNORE them all you can.  Instead pay attention to how your clothes fit.  Measure yourself.  Those are the things that are important.  The only numbers I plan on seeing are when my surgeon weighs me.  I refuse to look at the scale at my primary doctors.  I only list what I've lost before because it is the number one question people ask me. The reason for this?  As we loose massive amounts of weight in such a short period our bodys are going through this huge adjustment.  Once you loose a bundle of weight your body has to compensate for the fluid imbalance such as extra blood.  So you what you may interpret as a stall is just your body catching up with you.  Give it a week you'll notice inches have melted off and the scale will move again soon enough.

One of the things we talked about was my "fatty" liver.  He mentioned in the hospital that my liver was enlarged.  He biopsied it and according to him it's "not that bad"  I should receive a copy of my chart and surgical notes y the end of the week so I'll be able to see what the lab says for myself.  He did say though that now that I'm loosing weight it's size should go down too.

Heidi had asked how my pain level is.  Honestly I'm not really in pain anymore.  I'm uncomfortable and I'm still getting used to how my new belly feels but I feel pretty good.  The only real pain I'm having is my suture line.  It stings a bit and also itches at time which is all normal.  It's part of the healing process.  Nothing some tylenol won't fix although I normally ignore it.  Since my steri strip fell off two days ago I've been babying my belly.  I keep having visions of it being hit and my insides spilling out on the floor.  Silly I know, but do you blame me? LoL

My biggest  complaint right now, nausea.  I didn't have morning sickness this bad with my son.    Things that turn my face green?  Smells, like cigarette smoke, perfume, air freshener, certain foods and the way my son smells after playing outside. Some foods make me sick, not even eating them but thinking about the way they smell or taste.  Some times for no reason at all I'll feel sick.  Dr. G smiled when I said I've been feeling nauseous, I could of slapped him for thinking it was so awesome but according to him it's pretty normal.   So today he prescribed me Zofran which so far has helped ALOT.

I also get to start mushie foods net week!  I've been having a few already but honestly my belly feels better with mostly liquids so I'm not pushing it.  I know some doctors say mushies are ok at this point but I like Dr. G to go against what he's told me.  

I've also been working my vitamin regimen up so that I'm almost on a full schedule.  I have pictures to post and I will by tomorrow.  I'm exhausted.  I drove for the first time today and I've most definitely walked more than I have since my surgery.  Although I feel awesome I am sooo ready for a nap.  

Who Am I Kidding

It's like this kids.
No matter how much fluff or smiles I try to blog about there is nothing to hide my sadness.
I've been in hiding from confronting this and what a better place to do this than my blog.  I actually decided to post this because if you are thinking about, waiting for, or have already had weightloss surgery this is something that is going to smack you in the face, Hard.

I feel betrayed,
left in the cold,
I miss my soulmate..... FOOD!

I know as time goes on my friend will work it's way back into my life but right now I miss it.  The little nibbles I'm getting here and there do not make up for the chucks of food I miss going into my waiting belly. 

In reality I'm not hungry.  My belly's not growling and I'm not experiencing "head hunger".
I just want to bite into something big and juicy.
I want to rip my teeth through juicy medium rare steak.
I want to dip some chicken into barbeque juice drippings.
I want to crunch on a cold and dressed up salad with boiled egg, bacon bits, chicken and Cesar dressing.
I want to mush around a fresh baked potato swimming with butter and sour cream.
I said from the beginning I am NOT a sweets and chocolate kind of girl, I'm not craving sweets.  I'm craving what I love best.... PROTEIN!

I miss massive amounts of grab a smoke and lean back in your chair food.
I miss finding crumbs in my bra from the feast I just had at dinner.
I miss desperately searching for something to fit between my teeth to get that piece of steak thats stuck.
I miss everything there is about eating.

If I didn't miss these things I would think that this surgery was a huge failure.  I wouldn't have the need to restrict and produce malnourishment.  So far my surgery is doing exactly what I wanted it to do: Stop me from eating abusively. 

I'm a big girl and my love affair with food is not new.  It will probably never go away.  It is something I can learn to control even if it means forcefully doing so.  Those feelings I have about it though is something I need to work out on my own (or with the help of my shrink).  For right now I feel the best sharing these things with you. 

If you're a pre-op reading this, expect at some point to feel what I've said.  Even if you're feelings aren't exact you will feel some type of remorse for your food.  We didn't get fat by running laps at the Y and eating like a bird.  Food got us here.  The means of delivery will vary.  For some you may be emotional eaters to like to pick up something to eat at the first sign of being sad, or happy.  For others your crutch may be bordem.  For me it was a love affair.  I ate happy, sad, bored, busy, alone or with company.  Food was my friend.  I'm confident it will be again. We just have to find a place where I'm not taking advantage of our friendship.  I can't think of a better way to do this than through my DS.

The stuff you read over

Before I start to ramble I'd like to share something new, well ok, semi new.  I have a facebook page just for my blog.  right now it's not much more than a place for me to update you with my latest blog ramblings but soon it will be somewhere I share exclusive info and maybe even a contest for some weightloss related goodies!
Check it out HERE!

One of the things I have come to love about ObesityHelp.com is the ruthlessness of some of the members.  As much as they will tell you what an awesome surgery the DS is they are also quick to tell you the downsides.  Only thing is as much as I want to read about the crappy first few weeks or the lovely new stench my behind is producing there are things that are put in the storage part of my brain. Today is a product of just that.

I know the first few weeks are the pits.  I know how diligent I have to be about my shakes and H2O intake.  I know that I should probably be resting more and moving around less.  These things have been drilled into my head.  I just hate feeling so crappy.  I can't wait for the next few weeks when things seem to really kick into gear.

I'm not getting in enough protein.  I think alot of it has to do with my pre-op liquid diet and also the lack of intake I'm having now.  I feel weak, tired and generally just not well.  I know pre-op a month after I've started a liquid diet I would feel similar to this.  I wasn't sure if it was liquid diet related until I talked to my mom who confirms she remembers feeling like crap around the four week mark too.  Then take into consideration that I'm having a hard time getting anything into my body.  When I eat/drink my tummy makes this weird gurgling sensation and noises.  It's really weird.  So eating/drinking is a little unpleasant at the moment.   

I know I mentioned in my last post that I would be starting my vitamins and to a degree I have.  I'm taking all the vitamins the doctor wants me to take right now.  Next week I plan on going to Vitaladys full course of vitamin schedule.  I also have my first post-op appointment where I get to see my favorite doctor again.

The upside to all of this is you can really see the weight melting off my face.  I'll take some pictures in the next day or two to share.  Just as soon as I'm able to venture outside.  With this heat I'm scared to even get the mail.

I have a few online friends getting ready for their surgery over the next two weeks and I look forward to helping them through what the past two weeks have put me through. I also get to meet my first OH friend while she recovers in the hospital!  I'm soo excited! 

WTF did I just do?!

See the title up there?  "WTF did I just do?"  That was what I repeated out loud as I sat on the pot this morning.
I looked down at my disfigured belly, still a little swollen and freaked the fark out.
I totally lost it. 
I cried.
I pooped (I told you things were gonna get ugly on this blog)
I cried some more.
I got up and wobbled my way to the computer where I promptly logged onto ObesityHelp.com and was once reassured that yup, I did it.  I went and had Weight Loss Surgery. 

This isn't a bad thing.  I reassure you that I am happy, if not thrilled, with my decision.  It's just a reality check more than anything.  You see I've talked about this for years.  This has been an ambition of mine long before I even had my son which if you were to ask me is when my life really started.  But at some point Post-Op you will be hit in the face with the permanent resolution of your decision.  This isn't like Atkins or Weight Watchers that may feel permanent because of your empty wallet but they are always reversible.  This my friend is non-refundable, end of the line, rest of my life permanent.  That's ok.  I can deal with it.  I can more than deal with it.  I feel awesome about my decision.  I just can't believe I really did it!

Today I'm going to sort out my vitamins.  I'm starting to feel what I think are effects from lack of vitamins.  Too early out you say?  Maybe, but because of the liquid diet I did pre-op I think that feeling the effects right now may be quite normal.  So tomorrow I want to really start getting used to my regimen.  I'm scared of the big pills so thank goodness Vitalady has mostly chewable or dissolve-able. Expect pictures of them all put together.  I'm weird like that and ohh so excited to be opening the bottles finally! 

Migrating? Maybe.

I 'm here. 
Bored out of my mind. 
I feel like a newborn.  All I do is sleep, eat, exercise, shit and repeat. 
I want to add something new onto my regimen but honestly I'm not even two weeks out from major surgery, this is no time to be going to ceramics class or the newest water park. 
I do think I'm going to change blog servers though.  That should at least keep me busy.  What do you think?  Blogger is so boring, plus I'm limited on how it looks.  I think I like Wordpress which is what I used for an old blog.  What do you think?  https://thevanishingmom.wordpress.com/

Tired

Hi!  I'm here.  Surgery is officially 7 days behind me and I've been home since Saturday.  I haven't forgotten about my blog I promise.  My mind has just been else where.  I miss writing though and I'm glad I've checked in.

There really is so much to write about.  But my attention span is only gonna give me a few more minutes so in a nut shell here goes nothing.

I feel like I got hit by a bus.  But not any bus, a cheery, happy, hippy filled bus.   As much as I feel like crap I feel awesome at the same time.  I'm having a hard time getting in all my water but I'm making my goal of 60 oz a day (I need 4 more oz but 60 is awesome).  I started my Multi with ADEK and tomorrow I'm going to start my iron since I feel so sluggish.  I'm getting in 30 oz of protein a day be it shakes, prosource jello or diet. 

My incision itches and stings a little but it's signs of healing, no redness, puss, swelling or bruising which is awesome!  I think the coolest scars though are the two on my neck from my central line.  It looks like vampire teeth marks.  I personally think my belly scar is small, which is awesome.  It runs  from the top of my belly (bottom of my rib cage) to just about my belly button.  I figured it would be like others I've seen and go around my belly button. 

I'm starting to feel the blues but I think that has to do with more being stuck in this house more than anything.  It's been 100 degrees outside and since I'm forcing fluids I'm scared to go outside and sweat too much since DSers dehydrate so fast.  As soon as my water intake is better I'm going to have to force myself not to run outside.

Ok, my attention span is officially dwindling......  See you tomorrow :)