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Showing posts with label weight problems. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight problems. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

A year later

A year ago I was just 4 weeks away from my surgery.  I can't even begin to explain just how much my life has changed.  I'm going to try my best to share all the marvelous things I have experienced.

This post was supposed to wait until my actual Surgiversary but today I hit a HUGE milestone.  I am finally in Onderland.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that means, my weight is in the 100's.  When I woke up this morning I weighed in at 200.00 lbs.  After a long poo and stripping off all my clothes I weighed in at 198.9.  If I wasn't so sick from this head cold I would of screamed.  I am literally almost half the woman I was a year ago.

So besides the numbers on the scale what else has changed?

1.  For starters my clothes size.  I started out in a 28/30.  Today I fluctuate between a 10-14.  It's a funny thing actually,  This is the only group of sizes I have found to be so different.  When I was a size 20 I was a firm 20, same goes for every size from 16 and up.  A size 10-14 is a funny thing.  Some size 10s fit me awesome while others won't go over my thighs.  Some size 14s just fit and some fall right off.  I am officially in a size of clothes that I can't leach off my friends.  That feels weird.  I actually have to start buying clothes.  Thank goodness for Goodwill.

2.  My self confidence is through the roof.  I still have my insecure moments but at this point I see them as being normal.  I no longer hold my head down when I walk.  I know I am full of awesome and finally no one has to remind me of that.  I can thank my awesome online and real life support system for helping me realize just how much I rock!

3.  I have a job.  I stand on my feet for 9 hours a day and I freaking love it.  Most people would consider my job mediocre, but I love it.  I couldn't ask for a better work environment and I really feel good about what I do.  Plus it's like getting paid to work out.  You could ask for more?

4.  My friends.  The people I talked to prior to WLS aren't really around anymore.  Some have faded away for various reasons.  Some I had to release because I realized just how toxic they were for me.  I no longer have the patience for drama or negativity.  The people I now consider my friends compliment me in every way as I hopefully do them.  I value my friendships more than ever and maybe it's because I'm finally at a place in my life where I can see just how much we mean to each other.  Some of my closest friends I have never met face to face.  Its amazing how close you can be to people on the other side of the continent.  We fight the same battles and hold the same values.  My in person friends mean just as much to me.  My friends mean the world to me.  Thats not something I could of said a year ago.

5.  My family.  Family has taken on a whole new meaning for me.  The support they have shown me through the past year means so much.  They have never failed to lift me up whenever I've needed it.  My immediate family has shown me what it's really meant to be loved.  I couldn't wake up every day without knowing they have my back.  Through thick and thin they have shown me just how unconditional their love is.  We are closer than we've ever been.  I have no doubt that what our relationships lacked was hugely my fault.  I kept myself excluded from family activities and relationships.  My brothers wedding was a huge turning point for me when it came to how I interacted with those that mean so much to me.  It was the first time I saw just how much my energy had to do with how I enjoyed social family situations.

6.  My posture.  As silly as this might sound this is big for me.  I never realized how hunched over I was.  I stand straighter, sit straighter and my back thanks me for it.  It takes some getting used to but every day I make it a point to check how I"m sitting and standing.

7.  My energy level is amazing.  I never thought I would feel this active.  I can't sit still.  I go for walks in the morning and I'm almost ready to start jogging.  My ten year old thinks this is awesome.  He joins me for my morning walks most of the time and honestly it is the best quality time I could ask for.  We talk, we share and we enjoy the silent.

8.  Lastly the scale.  I can't wrap my head around what it says to me.  198lbs.... I know I still have plenty of weight to lose but honestly if I didn't lose another lb I would be happy right where I am.  To me 198lbs is heaven.

Sharing this past year on my blog has been quite the experience.  I still plan on posting although I can tell you now that sitting still long enough to type all of this out is hard.  If I'm not working the last place I want to be is tied down to my computer chair.  The best way I think to get updates at this point is my Facebook page.  I won't completely abandoned this blog though.  I still have a ton of reviews to post.  Hopefully the next thing I'll be posting is new pictures.  I look awesome and it's about time I share.

Friday, March 30, 2012

10 lbs of Patience

( SCHOOLS DONE!!!!!  Well ok, almost done.  I have a week worth of tests and then I'm DONE!!!!  Which means, coming back to my blog and no more empty promises of posts.  )




I feel like I can't escape the dreaded ten lbs.

I've always been a weigher.  I was warned this was a bad idea and for some I've seen first hand how bad of an idea it can be, for me thought this whole DS experience has felt like a science experiment.  I weigh every day sometimes twice a day.  I can't imagine not weighing everyday.  I like to see how what I eat, how I move, and where my cycle is changes what I weigh at any given time.  I'm also such a huge loser that my 2 month long stall didn't even freak me out.  It almost felt like a mini vacation if that makes sense.  When I lose everyday my body almost feels tired.  Plus when I stall I almost always go down in a size or two and imho losing inches is far more satisfying than losing lbs sometimes.

I feel like 10lbs is this revolving goal.  I couldn't help but laugh about it this morning.  First it was 10 lbs or more that Greenbaum wanted me to lose before my surgery date.  Then I was waiting on the edge of my seat for 10 more lbs until I hit under 200lbs.  Then the tension in my house could be felt as I waited patiently for the last 10lbs before I hit The Century Club.  NOW I wait again for the last 10lbs before I'm in ONDERLAND!!! I'm not rushing it, right now I'm in a losing streak and for the past week have been averaging about a loss of 1 - 1.5 lbs a day.  Even if I stall thats ok too, I'm about to ovulate and that sometimes puts me in a little bit of a stall.

I say this every time I hit a "milestone", if I don't lose another lb I'd be happy where I am right now.  I weigh 209. 20freaking9.  I haven't weight that since I was a teenager.  More importantly I have NEVER felt this awesome in my life.  I also have to admit that I'm a bit scared of what seeing a 1 in front of my weight is going to feel like.  I don't ever remember seeing that.  I'm nervous and excited all at the same time.

One of the ways I help keep track of my weight is a nifty little app on my Android.  Check out my chart:


As of this morning:

HW: 379lbs (6/2011)
SW: 360lbs (7/11/11)
CW: 209lbs (3/30/12)
GW: 150lbs

Saturday, July 9, 2011

F****n Perfect

Theme song for today:
F****n Perfect by P!nk

Because of my surgery I have been working extra hard to let LV know just how perfect he is just the way he was born.  I tell him all the time he is perfect in every way to me.  I never want him to think that he will have to go to the extremes I am.  Instead we are working extra hard on showing him how to eat and live healthy.  We teach him why we eat certain foods and what they do to our bodies.  We push him as hard as we can to exercise.   Once I start to heal and can really start to walk outside he's going to be my walking buddy.  Of course I know from growing up that all the good parenting in the world can't prevent everything.  My parents were terrific.  My mom worked really hard at making sure we ate the right things.  We were always outside playing.  There was no need to push us to exercise.  Yet I still grew up to be the chubby girl in school and eventually the fat chick I am today.  My self esteem has been in the dump for years because of my weight.  I never want LV to feel like this.  Today's theme song is one we play a lot in my house for that exact reason.  Yes, curse words and all.   And LV can sing it at the top of his little lungs if he wishes.  He's actually a HUGE fan of Pink (my mom is too, must be a family thing).  Pink's music is empowering and  motivational.  Her music can touch you deep down to the core and really make you think twice about situations.  She can also make you feel like your on top of the world and can conquer anything. She's one of the top artists on my play list I made for my surgery.  Maybe tomorrow I'll share it. 

Tomorrow I start my clear liquid diet and I do a final check of my bags for the hospital.  LV will be off to my dads for the night (and the day of my surgery).  The anticipation is driving me nuts.  Since I'm sure Monday will be full of fun things in my IV, I can't wait until Tuesday, that will be the day I can sit in bed look at my belly and say "finally"! 

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

4 Things



Yes I know this is dated the 5th.  I couldn't sleep so excuse the middle of the night editing.

Damnit!  I had this wonderful post.  It was a great article on how as a nation we view America and how it's affected how we view ourselves.  I went to spell check it and click "Publish" and it's gone.  One minute one of my furballs was walking across my keyboard, and the next minute my article was gone.  This cat drives me insane.  I love him to pieces but why must he plop down and use my desk as his cleaning/cuddle station?


Since I couldn't have my original article to share and it is the 4th of July I thought I would share 4 random things you didn't know about me.  They'll probably help you understand future posts a little bit better but honestly, they are completely random. 



1.  Although not totally random, a valuable bit of info.  I am a mom to a wonderful 9 year old little boy.  I've mentioned him before and I will again because along with his unwillingness to give up the soft cuddles of his Mommy, his weight is also becoming an issue with the doctors.  I think we shall call him "Little Vanisher" or "LV" for short.  I am also a wife to a wonderful woman.  We've been married for 5 years come this August.  It feels like forever.  I couldn't imagine life without her.  I've been calling her my DP (Domestic Partner) but she needs a fun name.  We shall call her "The Vamoosh".  She is all my son knows.  I am his biological mom (it's everyones first question) but you almost couldn't guess because they mesh together so well. 

2.  I drove my mother crazy as a teenager.  One of the things I used to do was dye my hair.  I don't mean a kool-aid packet or spray color fun, I mean over bleach my hair and dye it a new crayola color every other week.  My best friend and I would go to the hippie store in the mall grab a new bottle of Manic Panic, then swing by Sally Beauty Supply for some cream developer and bleach powder.  We'd then go to her house, sit on her back steps and go to town.  This was probably considered mild to the other things I was doing to make my mom's hair prematurely grey, I'm sure the older boyfriends and "experimentations" played a bigger part.  On the upside we're best friends now.  She's the jelly to my peanut butter roll up, the icing on my Cinnabon, the bacon to my eggs, you get the point.  I love my Mommy :)

3.  We have pets.  I have a Ball Python.  I love him.  He is only MY snake, Vamoosh and LV refuse to mess with him.  LV likes to show him off to his friends and is getting braver but he still won't hold him long.  He's awesome.  Not as awesome as my Dumpy Frog I once had but pretty darn close.  His name is Trent after Trent Reznor of NIN.  I named him that because Trent is one of the baddest MFers I know, so my snake should be just as bad ass, and he is.  I also have two rescued furballs.  Sayori, our Bengal, is pretty but selfish and doesn't like to be bothered to much so we keep our distance.  She thinks she's a princess.  She will cry for you to pet her but only on her time.  Valentino, our Toyger is spoiled rotten.  He plays with the magnets on the fridge.  Every morning we have to pick them up off the floor.  He loves to see what we're hiding in the fridge also, you can't open it without him trying to climb in.  He's a total lover and loves kids.  He will greet anyone at the door and expect to be petted and loved upon.  He thinks we're an item and is super territorial over the whole family.  He also thinks Vamoosh shouldn't sleep next to me and has been known to wiggle between us in the bed at night after he's yelled at her 3 inches from her sleeping face. He is normally found cuddled in my arms at the computer desk.  If I'm doing school work he sleeps in the chair next to me. Wherever I am he is not far behind.  Right now he is on the chair I put next to me, stretched out with his head on my lap.

4.  My favorite color is lime green.  Upon meeting me you would think my favorite color is pink.  And it is awesome.  I do love me some pink.  Pantone #230 C  and #18-2120 to be exact.  Almost everything I own is pink.  Pink makes me happy.  Pink is calming, but green is exciting.  It makes your blood rush and your eyes pop open.  Green is fresh and new!  Sometimes it stimulates me too much so I stick to pink.  But deep down I have a love affair for green.  Lime green specifically but all greens win my heart. 

So now you know 4 new things about me.  I think I like random fact days.  I'll have to do them more often.  Whats a random fact about you?

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Finally!

So I'm late with my first post. I know, it's just, well, ok, so I don't have a good excuse.

Let's start off with a little background info on that girl in the picture to the right.

Right away I'm going to tell you that I'm blunt. I tell it how it is. Sometimes what I write might be offensive, I refuse to apologize for that. It's your option to read what I write, you always have the option to press alt+F4.

I'm been chubby my whole life since about 12. I was that fat girl in school everyone teased. Looking back on it though I wasn't really all that heavy, I just wish I knew that then. Over the years I've watched myself get bigger, and bigger and bigger, with a break here and there when I would crash diet. I really put the pounds on after I had my son, and once the company I worked for (that I LOVED) filed for a reorganization and laid everyone off in 2006 everything really took a turn for the worst. This is officially the heaviest I've ever been. At 30 I now weigh in at 361lbs. My weight sickens me. When I think about it I get nauseous. I run out of breath just walking to my front door. It's hard to wipe my bum. No matter how much I shower, no matter how much I scrub I swear I still stink. My chin touches my chest. But what makes me even sadder is that no matter what I do, no matter how much I move around and watch what I eat, I know that no matter how much weight I lose it will come right back and with a few friends in tow. I have severe sleep apnea. I have pre-diabetes and my PCP has told me that if I don't change how I live now I will have full blown diabetes in a matter of a few months. Heart disease and diabetes runs in my family and so does a bunch of other fun fat diseases.

Today I take a stand against my weight. This stops now.  Over the past few months I have been through numerous tests.  I've been poked and prodded and I finally have my surgery approval.  On July 11th 2011 I will FINALLY get the tool I need to be successful in my weightloss.
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