Oh No, I broke the rules

I did it. I didn't mean to but I couldn't help myself.

My wife keeps the scale in the kitchen.  I know what you're going to say.  Why in the world would anyone do that?!  It helps keep her on track with her diet which she is doing fabulous with.  I've done my hardest to stay off of the scale.  But today I couldn't help myself and I tiptoed on it and held my breath as I looked down.  330.4 lbs.... Are you kidding me?  I've been stuck at this number for at least a week now.  This is why we stay away from the scales.  I'm not as freaked out as you might think I am.  Because I have been following the advice of the wonderful people over at obesityhelp.com and have been measuring myself instead.  I also have been pay attention to how my clothes fit.  I know I've gone down in inches.  How many you ask?  Not enough that I feel comfortable with sharing just yet.  I'm going to update my numbers when I post my one month pictures (on Aug. 11th). The good news is that as long as I poop first I'll be able to go on a Wii Fit (crossing my fingers that I get one for my birthday in 2 weeks).

For the biggest question of the day: How are you feeling?
Honestly?  At four weeks I am feeling awesome!  I feel soo much better than I thought I would.  I have more energy and less pain than can be imagined.  I am also having fun cooking for my family.  They've been eating very similar to me which I've noticed is making a huge improvement with my son.  He's turned things down that a month ago he would of wanted second helpings of.  He's also excited about learning how to cook healthy.  What shocked me though is he wanted to weigh himself.  I put a quick halt to that mess.  There is no reason why a 9 year old needs to weigh themselves.  We had a nice long talk about diets vs. healthy eating and why at his age it's not something he needs to be concerned about.

Well I smell my dinner cooking.  We're having broiled cod with Quinoa and left over steamed brussell sprouts (fresh from the farmers market).

Don't forget to enter my giveaway from yesterday!  I'm giving away a free tub of CHIKE!  Make sure you spread the word.  If I have a good enough turn out I can do almost a giveaway a week of different products I've been sent to review!

Who Am I Kidding

It's like this kids.
No matter how much fluff or smiles I try to blog about there is nothing to hide my sadness.
I've been in hiding from confronting this and what a better place to do this than my blog.  I actually decided to post this because if you are thinking about, waiting for, or have already had weightloss surgery this is something that is going to smack you in the face, Hard.

I feel betrayed,
left in the cold,
I miss my soulmate..... FOOD!

I know as time goes on my friend will work it's way back into my life but right now I miss it.  The little nibbles I'm getting here and there do not make up for the chucks of food I miss going into my waiting belly. 

In reality I'm not hungry.  My belly's not growling and I'm not experiencing "head hunger".
I just want to bite into something big and juicy.
I want to rip my teeth through juicy medium rare steak.
I want to dip some chicken into barbeque juice drippings.
I want to crunch on a cold and dressed up salad with boiled egg, bacon bits, chicken and Cesar dressing.
I want to mush around a fresh baked potato swimming with butter and sour cream.
I said from the beginning I am NOT a sweets and chocolate kind of girl, I'm not craving sweets.  I'm craving what I love best.... PROTEIN!

I miss massive amounts of grab a smoke and lean back in your chair food.
I miss finding crumbs in my bra from the feast I just had at dinner.
I miss desperately searching for something to fit between my teeth to get that piece of steak thats stuck.
I miss everything there is about eating.

If I didn't miss these things I would think that this surgery was a huge failure.  I wouldn't have the need to restrict and produce malnourishment.  So far my surgery is doing exactly what I wanted it to do: Stop me from eating abusively. 

I'm a big girl and my love affair with food is not new.  It will probably never go away.  It is something I can learn to control even if it means forcefully doing so.  Those feelings I have about it though is something I need to work out on my own (or with the help of my shrink).  For right now I feel the best sharing these things with you. 

If you're a pre-op reading this, expect at some point to feel what I've said.  Even if you're feelings aren't exact you will feel some type of remorse for your food.  We didn't get fat by running laps at the Y and eating like a bird.  Food got us here.  The means of delivery will vary.  For some you may be emotional eaters to like to pick up something to eat at the first sign of being sad, or happy.  For others your crutch may be bordem.  For me it was a love affair.  I ate happy, sad, bored, busy, alone or with company.  Food was my friend.  I'm confident it will be again. We just have to find a place where I'm not taking advantage of our friendship.  I can't think of a better way to do this than through my DS.

It's Not Physical It's Mental

I was on my way home from the grocery store today, with my son next to me snoozing away.  The wind was blowing through the car, the weather was amazing and for a split moment, my hectic world was peaceful.  It gave me a chance to reflect on the past week and a half, my upcoming surgery and everything else going on.  I love driving, it keeps me centered. 

Of course since my surgery is in just a few days the most prevalent thing on my mind was how my pre-op progress is going.  When I first started my liquid diet I resented myself for having to be pushed to this limit.  I despised the shakes and everything else that came along with it.  Regardless of how I felt I did my best to stick with it.   I went head on and did everything I could to liven it up with SF syrups and different blending methods.  A week and a half later and it's second nature to me.  I don't even think about food the way I did before.  I crave salt but that I make up for in broth.  I don't crave to chew, which I thought I would.  I've learned to focus on liquids and nothing else.  It gave me a whole new perspective on why Dr. Greenbaum makes you follow this protocol.  I feel better prepared to come home post-op and "eat" like this.  I've lost a little more than 10lbs so far but for me it's the mental training that it's done for me.  I don't crave foods.  I'm not focused on eating.  I find myself having more free time during the day instead of eating or thinking about what I'm going to eat next.  I grab my shake and cup-o-water and I go.  Life is more than food.  Without the DS I know this train of thought would be temporary.  With my soon to be switched stomach this train of thought will be easier to keep.  I can't wait to have my new tool!  I know not all doctors chose the two week liquid diet for their patients.  I know some post-ops are glad they didn't have to do it.  As a pre-op I have to say that so far this is the best thing I could of done.  Nothing can prepare me for whats about to come next but I can say I've tried my best, researched all I could and mentally and physically prepared myself for the next leg of my journey. For me and my journey this seems perfect. 


On my drive I also thought about how close I am.  This time next week I will be in the hospital recovering from my surgery.  HOLY CRAP! It's really about to happen!  I've had people ask me if I'm nervous or if I'm thinking about backing out.  I'm not nervous about the surgery or life as a DSer.  I'm nervous about the first few weeks home and taking care of my gut rearrangement and wound care.  I'm confident that I'll be fine but I want to make sure everything is right.  I over-prepare for everything and this worry is just part of the protocol.  And backing out?!  Heck no!  Never in a million years.  I'm gaining one of the best weight loss tools available to me and I worked damn hard to get it.  I'm on my way to being skinny! 

Lingering

I'm still here.  I'm working on tomorrow's blog which I'm researching for.  I'm also trying to hide from all the barbecues going on. 

In other news I cheated today.  Ok so not too big of a deal I had a bite of steak from the grill and a string cheese.  All protein, no carbs and between me and you I deserved it. 

To keep myself busy tomorrow and stay away from the house which will be full of awesome smelling food I will be at the laundromat with my shakes and my water.  I will also have laptop in tow so that I can finish my blog, that is of course if I'm too busy playing angry birds or doing homework.

If I seem quiet the next few days though it's because I'm trying to keep busy.  I'm starting to get anxious about my surgery which is normal.  I'm more nervous about things running smoothly at home and with our son while I'm in the hospital. 

Now I have to go finish the potato salad for tomorrow that I promised to make while I try not to nibble.

Wednesday Review

Yesterday upon arriving home from the dentist and running a few errands I found a mysterious box on my doorstep.  Imagine my surprise when I opened it and found 5 bottles of the coveted DaVinici Sugar Free Syrups that I've heard so much about from my favorite forum at ObesityHelp.com. I couldn't wait to break one open and try some.  Since it was nearing time for my dinner shake of my liquid diet I figured why not go for my all time favorite drink Kahlua and Cream!

I was not disappointed.    

I used:

1 packet of the Champion Nutrition Ultramet Vanilla 

4 ice cubes

12 oz. of water

And about an ounce of  DaVinci Gourmet Classic Sugar Free Syrup, Kahlua

I blended everything on high until it was nice and frothy, which tends to be more filling, which is a great tip when all you get to eat is 3 shakes a day.  Then I sipped, then I licked my fingers, then the spoon I used to scrape the sides of the blender and had my DP not have stopped me I may have even licked the inside of the blender. Let me tell you, I was in heaven.  When I first ordered the flavors from Dr. Greenbaum I had only grabbed a few vanilla because It doesn't tend to be my favorite flavor.  Oy Vey I wish I had gotten more vanilla.  Mixing vanilla with these wonderful syrups really gives me a whole new variety of drinks to choose from.  

One of the most interesting and delightful things I noticed was that I didn't even realize it was sugar free!  I tend to be very sensitive to sugar substitutes.  I can taste the chemical after taste even with something as simple as Splenda, not so with this syrup.  I had no chemical aftertaste.  I actually felt as if I had cheated on my liquid diet. 

I can't wait to try the other flavors and I promise to not just let you know how they go but for the pre-op's dealing with a liquid diet I'll see if I can dig up some friendly recipes to go with them. 

Whether your on a liquid diet, or need a kick for your protein shakes, grab some.  You won't be disappointed.  Your taste buds will thank me.  And when you realize that chugging down the things we need just got a little bit easier, let me know.  I love to see the love spread around!

Day 4

Sometimes coming up with a good blog title can be daunting.  Since today is day 4 of my liquid diet I decided to go with the obvious .  And since I have no suggestions for today's blog here just a run down of what's been going on in the Vanishing Household. 

On day four of my liquid diet I'm still ready to rip heads off and have even thought about cheating but who the hell am I kidding?  This is for me!  I've worked to hard to give up now.  Thanks to my wonderful DP I've been able to stay relatively on track.  In an effort to help her own weight loss she's cutting out all carbs which really helps me.  We've been cheering each other on.  I want to chew, and no gum doesn't help.  I want to chew, swallow, and feel satisfied.  I want to taste a juicy rubbed steak and pick gristle out of my teeth.  Soon enough, soon enough.

Good news for today is that I received my shipment of samples from DaVinci that I will start sampling tomorrow for my first "Wednesday Review".  I think I'm going to try the Kahlua sample first.  Check it out!  I was so excited to find this at my doorstep today!

 

That's all for today.  I was going to go crawl into my hole and be miserable, but I think I'm going to go for a walk instead.  

Would you like your torture Shaken or Stirred?

WARNING: I will complain, I will bitch, I hold nothing back.  I am a food addict.  This is withdraw.  By Tuesday I should be back to my normal happy self but in the meantime...... deal with it!


Day  2 of my liquid diet and I have to disagree with who ever came up with this idea.  It's not horrible as in there's no way I can do it.  It is horrible in the way that I'd rather have my teeth pulled with no Novocaine and rusty dental equipment.  

Thank Goodness for my mother who happened to have sugar free syrups to make this a little more interesting.  So far I've been able to turn my banana shakes into 'Banana Fosters', my chocolate shakes into 'Chocolate Raspberry Truffles', and my vanilla shakes into 'Irish Cream Heaven'.  Ohh don't forget my lavish chicken broth that I have seasoned with every type of salt and pepper concoction I can come up with. This coupled with long naps to combat the lack of energy I'm feeling and this short term liquid diet is totally livable.  Let's just hope my sunny disposition is just as cheery this time next week.

To combat the blues and the lack of explosions on my taste buds I have made my lemon water a staple.  It's half pure lemon juice, half water poured over as many ice cubes as I can fit in a 16oz tumbler.  I like my lemon water.  No, let me rephrase that, I LOVE my lemon water!  It's such a nice pick me up.

To start my official countdown I've added a ticker tot he top of my blog.  Now you can count down with my too!

Now that wasn't too bad, was it?  I complained and maybe even went a little over board but nothing my favorite people couldn't handle.

Reflections

I'm writing this on a Saturday because last night I grabbed the midget and decided to spend time at my moms for the weekend.  My partner had other family obligations and I have to admit, she was right.  She told me to use this weekend to spend quality time with my family.  As much as I would of loved her here to enjoy the weekend with us, this has really given me time to reconnect with my mom.  We had my celebratory Last Night o' Food and munchies.  My mom and step-dad treated us to some Mexican, and for dessert, a smoothie for me, and some ice cream for the rest of the bunch.  I of course came home (well to her house) and almost collapsed from all the food I ate.  It was a great ending to a great day. 

My mom lives in the woods.  

No really, I mean the woods, like Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs woods.

Nothing spells relaxing than the sound of nothing but trees and birds.

Her house is nicely tucked away and behind her house is a clearing with trees and plenty of woodland animals to make you feel like you steped into the story of Red Ridinghood.  It's relaxing, calm and the perfect start to my liquid diet.  I was totally apprehensive of coming here to start this. I have recently quit smoking, my monthly friend should be here by tomorrow and I just had to say good bye to my soul mate (food).  I had wanted to curl into a ball, put some Netflix on with my headphones and not leave the bed all weekend.  I'm glad I have family who pushes me.  My mom played guilt trip until I agreed to come and I am grateful for every minute of it.  I can go out on her deck and listen to the trees, or I can curl up on her couch with her and watch some QVC (hey, don't judge us), or I can sit at her kitchen table with an awesome view of everything that is calm.  Not to mention I made sure I packed my xanex for the tough moments.  Plus this isn't really good bye to food.  Since I chose the DS it's more like "I'll see you later good friend" My diet post surgery won't be restrictive like some of the other weight loss surgeries.  I'll be able to eat all I love again, it's just a matter of time. 

This is the perfect ending to a near perfect week.

But I like my food crunchy!

Well guys and gals, this is it!  Saturday morning I officially start my liquid diet.  I get to drink all of these for the next 14 days!

They asked me what flavors I preferred and I picked chocolate and banana although I think I should of thrown some more strawberry in there too.  Honestly though, no matter what flavor I got it's not going to be fun.  Hopefully with a little bit of DaVinci's syrup I can try and make it fun!

What I thought was a pre-op class wasn't.  My class will be on Monday starting at 8:30 for testing.  The appointment I had yesterday was a pre-op appointment with my surgeon Dr. Greenbaum.

For those curious about the brand of shakes I'll be drinking here is the nutritional information.  I'm about to do some of my school work and when I'm done I'm going to make a list of topics and what days I'll post so that I can spread the information out rather than bombard you all at once.

The Diet

I'll be 31 this year and I can safely say that the number of diets I've tried rival the amount of years I've been around.

To name a few there was:
Richard Simmons (who to this day is my favorite)
Weight Watchers
OA (it's a way of life, not a diet)
The Lemonade Diet
Fen-Phen
Jenny Craig
Atkins
The Popsicle Diet (totally  made of by me and it was one of the best)
South Beach
and the Google Diets which consist of every combination of things I could find through Google including starvation. 

Writing all the means of torture I have put myself through is important. It helps to make it clear that WLS is not the easy way out.  Nor is it the Cure-All.  In order to get to this point in my life I needed to really try my hardest at everything else.  What I learned from those attempts is that I can easily lose the weight I need to be healthy, however keeping it off is another story.  I won't lie to you and tell you that these things are out of my control because they're not, I just need a little bit of help in that department.  To put it simply, I am unable to continue living the way I would need to stay at a healthy weight without some form of extreme intervention.  And that's what the DS is for me.  I will still need to "diet", but with my DS it will be different.  I will still need to watch what I eat, but with the DS I will have a tool that will assist me.

How will things be different?  I know your curious because frankly I was too.  At first I couldn't figure out why anyone would want to put themselves through major surgery willingly.  So here's the breakdown. 

First, absorption: 

Carbs, which are no good for us even with a normal stomach and intestinal track with can do more than make losing weight hard post DS.  Although eating simple carbs are not unheard of after my surgery they can make me gassy, bloated and plain uncomfortable if I over do it.  Complex carbs are normally tolerated. 

Fats, which are bad for you, will be good for me!  I will only absorb about 20% of fats.  Fats will be critical for my survival and healthy digestive system.  Constipated?  Try some bacon to lube things up!  As a matter of fact my diet will consist of a fat filled, high protein diet. I wouldn't suggest putting a straw in a bucket of bacon grease but just try to imagine if that cheesy, greasy hamburger was 80% fat free without taking away the taste? 

Protein, has always had a special place in my heart.  I would take a big juicy steak over a piece of chocolate cake any day!  Post-DS I will have to pack on the protein and diet won't be enough.  From what I've been able to learn from everyone who is already years out of surgery is that protein shakes will play a major role in my life for the rest of my life no matter how much protein I am already consuming.  Whey protein will help keep my energy up more so than all the protein I'll be able to get from food. 


Next Malnorishment:

Since I'll still have a portion of my stomach and I will still have my large intestines I will be able to absorb some things.  But just like I will be missing 80% of the fat I eat , the same thing holds true for other vitamins and nutrients.  Because I will be severely malnourished I will need a regimen of vitamins and supplements in order to survive.  The absorption rate varies per breakdown so the supplement list is pretty intense.  A full copy of supplements with more info can be found at  DSFacts.com and through Vitalady . As much as I would love to copy and paste what Vitaladys regimens are, I won't because she truly deserves the time it takes to click on her link.  Do check it out though.  It's pretty intense but following her regimens are critical to a healthy body.  There are also labs to be done every 3-6 months, following a strict vitamin regimen can help narrow down where you may need help if anything should ever fall low.


Ta Ta For Now as my favorite Tigger would say.  My Pre-op Class is on Wednesday and I have tons to prepare for!