A year later

A year ago I was just 4 weeks away from my surgery.  I can't even begin to explain just how much my life has changed.  I'm going to try my best to share all the marvelous things I have experienced.

This post was supposed to wait until my actual Surgiversary but today I hit a HUGE milestone.  I am finally in Onderland.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that means, my weight is in the 100's.  When I woke up this morning I weighed in at 200.00 lbs.  After a long poo and stripping off all my clothes I weighed in at 198.9.  If I wasn't so sick from this head cold I would of screamed.  I am literally almost half the woman I was a year ago.

So besides the numbers on the scale what else has changed?

1.  For starters my clothes size.  I started out in a 28/30.  Today I fluctuate between a 10-14.  It's a funny thing actually,  This is the only group of sizes I have found to be so different.  When I was a size 20 I was a firm 20, same goes for every size from 16 and up.  A size 10-14 is a funny thing.  Some size 10s fit me awesome while others won't go over my thighs.  Some size 14s just fit and some fall right off.  I am officially in a size of clothes that I can't leach off my friends.  That feels weird.  I actually have to start buying clothes.  Thank goodness for Goodwill.

2.  My self confidence is through the roof.  I still have my insecure moments but at this point I see them as being normal.  I no longer hold my head down when I walk.  I know I am full of awesome and finally no one has to remind me of that.  I can thank my awesome online and real life support system for helping me realize just how much I rock!

3.  I have a job.  I stand on my feet for 9 hours a day and I freaking love it.  Most people would consider my job mediocre, but I love it.  I couldn't ask for a better work environment and I really feel good about what I do.  Plus it's like getting paid to work out.  You could ask for more?

4.  My friends.  The people I talked to prior to WLS aren't really around anymore.  Some have faded away for various reasons.  Some I had to release because I realized just how toxic they were for me.  I no longer have the patience for drama or negativity.  The people I now consider my friends compliment me in every way as I hopefully do them.  I value my friendships more than ever and maybe it's because I'm finally at a place in my life where I can see just how much we mean to each other.  Some of my closest friends I have never met face to face.  Its amazing how close you can be to people on the other side of the continent.  We fight the same battles and hold the same values.  My in person friends mean just as much to me.  My friends mean the world to me.  Thats not something I could of said a year ago.

5.  My family.  Family has taken on a whole new meaning for me.  The support they have shown me through the past year means so much.  They have never failed to lift me up whenever I've needed it.  My immediate family has shown me what it's really meant to be loved.  I couldn't wake up every day without knowing they have my back.  Through thick and thin they have shown me just how unconditional their love is.  We are closer than we've ever been.  I have no doubt that what our relationships lacked was hugely my fault.  I kept myself excluded from family activities and relationships.  My brothers wedding was a huge turning point for me when it came to how I interacted with those that mean so much to me.  It was the first time I saw just how much my energy had to do with how I enjoyed social family situations.

6.  My posture.  As silly as this might sound this is big for me.  I never realized how hunched over I was.  I stand straighter, sit straighter and my back thanks me for it.  It takes some getting used to but every day I make it a point to check how I"m sitting and standing.

7.  My energy level is amazing.  I never thought I would feel this active.  I can't sit still.  I go for walks in the morning and I'm almost ready to start jogging.  My ten year old thinks this is awesome.  He joins me for my morning walks most of the time and honestly it is the best quality time I could ask for.  We talk, we share and we enjoy the silent.

8.  Lastly the scale.  I can't wrap my head around what it says to me.  198lbs.... I know I still have plenty of weight to lose but honestly if I didn't lose another lb I would be happy right where I am.  To me 198lbs is heaven.

Sharing this past year on my blog has been quite the experience.  I still plan on posting although I can tell you now that sitting still long enough to type all of this out is hard.  If I'm not working the last place I want to be is tied down to my computer chair.  The best way I think to get updates at this point is my Facebook page.  I won't completely abandoned this blog though.  I still have a ton of reviews to post.  Hopefully the next thing I'll be posting is new pictures.  I look awesome and it's about time I share.

Next stop, RELIEF!

When I first thought about starting a blog I promised myself I wouldn't hide the uglies when I blogged.

You see WLS comes with many pretties: 

Losing weight

Feeling fantastic

New clothes

The look on peoples faces

The amazing food I get to eat

The wonderful people I've met

The list could go on...

This comes with a price though.  Some of the uglies:

The vitamin regimen

Constant lab work

Saggy skin

Losing clothes you love

Losing friends because they can't handle your success

Body dis-morphia

Constipation due to vitamin supplements (this is my biggest ugly)

So in full disclosure and I warn you now this is about to get really ugly.  

Calcium sucks.  So does iron but that's another post.  Adding just one to my vitamins makes my insides turn to concrete right away.  I take an insane amount of calcium.  Right now my dosage is 600mg 3 x a day.  Thats 6 300mg pills a day.  Remember that I don't absorb most of the fat I eat so when dealing with constipation adding a healthy dose of fat can keep things moving.  With that in mind here's what I've added to my day to try and combat the constipation ugly:
A full tablespoon of Virgin Coconut Oil in my coffee with full fat creamer (I drink two cups of this a day)
A prune with each calcium dose
A magnesium oxide (140 mg) with each calcium dose (2 of these with my morning dose)
I eat my weight in fat, at least 2 sticks of butter a day and as much bacon as I can handle.
I try to add as much healthy fiber to my diet as possible.

Even with those precautions I still get stopped up when I take just a few of my calcium's. So what do I do?  I've researched, whined and complained on the forums and finally gave in and bought a giant bottle of Miralax.  Why Miralax?  This is how it was explained to me. It pulls water into your intestines and helps gently flush everything out and keeps things moving.  It's safer and gentler long term than stool softeners.  Up until today I've been living on enemas and misery.  I know I need my calcium so I have to find something that works.   Today shall start "The Great Miralax Experiment".  I'll make sure I keep you updated to see how this will play out.  Hopefully this will be the trick into keeping this look on my face:

Let's talk bread

I was once a lover of bread.

Crusty Italian bread,
Tender French bread,
Spinach dipping bowls made out of bread,
Warm fresh Ciabatta bread,
Chunks of bread dipped in Italian oils.

In other words if it was made with flour I was in love.

Then I had my surgery.....

A lover of bread I am no more.  

By choice really.  

I know plenty of WLSers who hunt for their perfect loaf that will not cause gas or bloating just to enjoy a slice.  Honestly, that gets expensive.  I've seen loaves of bread that are advertised as carb friendly for as high as $13.00 (no that's not a typo).

If and when I do crave bread now, I eat a bite.  

A bite.  

No more, no less.  

It satisfies my craving and it's enough for me to move on from it.  I hope I'm able to continue this although I know this might not always be true.  I don't crave bread the way I used to, so right now it's not too hard for me.

My family is full of bread lovers, mostly my son.  I find myself scouting out the best and cheapest varieties for him.  His diet is simple, no artificial flavors, colors, preservatives or additives, no MSG or nitrates either.  Because of health and food needs we are a label reading family.  Because of this I ran into something amazing I couldn't help but share.

This has everything we look for in a bread at only $2.00 a loaf!  My favorite part?  Should I want to indulge in a few bites there is only 11.5 net carbs a slice (label reads as a 2 slice serving, minus the fiber), and to top it off the kid loves it!  It also doesn't bother my tummy one bit.  After one slice I have had no gas, no anything.

I couldn't help but share this!  Finding a bread that is easy for our tummies to handle and doesn't push us over the carb limit is so hard.  Just please remember, sometimes my tummy decides to play "made of steel", just because it isn't a bother to me doesn't mean it won't bother you.  This is true for every food and every WLSer in every stage.  We vary in tastes, capacity, and mileage.  

This loaf was given to me from a friend who noticed the carb count and thought I would enjoy it, but I vow that on tomorrows grocery trip I will be hunting this down. 

Arnold Soft Family Honey Wheat (No Artificial Colors, Flavors or High Fructose Corn Syrup)!
(Sorry about the quality of the pictures, I was trying to hurry)

I know the label is hard to read so check out what I grabbed from their site below

List of ingredients from their site Arnold Bakery:

Ingredients: UNBLEACHED ENRICHED WHEAT FLOUR [FLOUR, MALTED BARLEY FLOUR, REDUCED IRON, NIACIN, THIAMIN MONONITRATE (VITAMIN B1), RIBOFLAVIN (VITAMIN B2), FOLIC ACID], WATER, WHOLE WHEAT FLOUR, YEAST, HONEY, SUGAR, WHEAT GLUTEN,SOYBEAN OIL, SALT, CULTURED WHEAT STARCH, ENRICHMENT (CALCIUM SULFATE, VITAMIN E ACETATE, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, VITAMIN D3), MONO- AND DIGLYCERIDES, DATEM, CITRIC ACID, GRAIN VINEGAR, MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE, SOY LECITHIN.

I gained some and I lost some

I'm almost 10 months post-op.  I've learned a lot in these past few months.  I've also lost a lot.

I've learned that friends come and go but family (blood or bond) will stick with you forever.
I've learned that I know nothing close to what I thought I knew.  Each and every day is a learning experience whether it's about Weight Loss Surgery or life in general.
I've learned to love my body no matter what misshapen form it may take on.  Right now I look like a deflated Macys balloon, but put on some clothes and I look like a million bucks!
I've learned that love knows no bounds.

I've lost a few friends along this journey and I miss them dearly but sticking up for myself and my beliefs are something that is easier to do now.  No matter what the circumstance I have finally learned that it is not ok to be trampled on or under appreciated.

My biggest accomplishment?  I've lost 175lbs!

My hair is finally starting to grow back!  See:

What you can't see is my "new growth" that takes me about half an hour to tame.  But it finally looks a bit fuller :)

Here is my most recent before and after for those keeping track :
Yellow shirt June, 2011 @ 379lbs / Purple shirt April, 2012 @205lbs

Speaking Out

We finally were able to find a decent car at a decent price.  That meant a whole lot of running around and doing errands yesterday. It also meant seeing a lot of people some of which I've never met and some of whom by chance got to see my old ID.  These stories are worth sharing and this was the first place I thought of.

For me speaking out about my weight loss is easy.  I don't think twice about it.  Some of the "vetts" who have had this surgery far longer than I taught me that speaking out and paying it forward is the best thing I can do.  Because of them I've even gone as far as print up full color business cards as my "before" picture for moments just like the ones below.  As soon as I can snap a good picture of them I'll post them on my Facebook Fan Page for you to see.

My first trip yesterday was to the insurance company to give them a copy of the title for my new car so I could head to DMV and get it registered.  I love my insurance company.  They are sweet, always remember who I am and probably the chattiest bunch of kind women I have ever met.  One of them in particular always remembers who I am and it never fails to make me feel special.  She always remembers who I was until yesterday that is.  I haven't seen them since August, and even then I think she had off for the day, so I haven't seen her in probably a year.  Yesterday she had a full conversation with me and had no clue who I was until she heard my name and her jaw dropped to the floor.  I spent the next half hour with some of the women from the insurance company crowded around to hear all about my surgery and I even passed on my "before and during" card.  I don't know that I made a difference with any of them per say but even if in passing they mention it to a friend who contemplates it or what I had to say simply lowered the stigma of WLS in general than I did my job.    Not to mention the flattery that comes along with someone being so shocked to see the new you.  I absolutely love it and I'm finally starting to get used to the compliments.


Next, I stopped by my dads house to grab him so he could keep me company on my all day adventure and while I was there he had an old family friend there who hasn't seen me in ages although has been following my updates on Facebook.  The look on her face when I walked in is what I live for!  I wanted to squeeze her and never let go.  My favorite comment?  "You look like you're already at 150lbs" Bless her heart! Thank you "S" for making my day!

My last and final trip of amazement believe it or not was the Department of Motor Vehicles.  They wanted to confiscate my license because I was over due for a new picture!  This of course led to a whole conversation with the picture ladies who I also ended up passing my card onto.  I love when I leave a place such as a store or office and as I'm leaving, after the conversation of my weightloss is over I still here on the way out "Keep it up girl!" and "Congratulations!".  By the time I made it home last night I was on cloud 9.

My lesson in all of this is, don't be afraid to be open about you're surgery.  You never could imagine the way a few compliments from a stranger or a conversation with an old friend will make you feel but better yet how great it will make them feel.  You don't have to take it to the lengths I have by blogging.  Sometimes just a little info for someone who has never heard of your surgery or met someone with WLS can be the encouragement someone needs to start taking control of their own life.  I wish I would of met someone who had WLS years ago, maybe I wouldn't of waited so long.

10 lbs of Patience

( SCHOOLS DONE!!!!!  Well ok, almost done.  I have a week worth of tests and then I'm DONE!!!!  Which means, coming back to my blog and no more empty promises of posts.  )

I feel like I can't escape the dreaded ten lbs.

I've always been a weigher.  I was warned this was a bad idea and for some I've seen first hand how bad of an idea it can be, for me thought this whole DS experience has felt like a science experiment.  I weigh every day sometimes twice a day.  I can't imagine not weighing everyday.  I like to see how what I eat, how I move, and where my cycle is changes what I weigh at any given time.  I'm also such a huge loser that my 2 month long stall didn't even freak me out.  It almost felt like a mini vacation if that makes sense.  When I lose everyday my body almost feels tired.  Plus when I stall I almost always go down in a size or two and imho losing inches is far more satisfying than losing lbs sometimes.

I feel like 10lbs is this revolving goal.  I couldn't help but laugh about it this morning.  First it was 10 lbs or more that Greenbaum wanted me to lose before my surgery date.  Then I was waiting on the edge of my seat for 10 more lbs until I hit under 200lbs.  Then the tension in my house could be felt as I waited patiently for the last 10lbs before I hit The Century Club.  NOW I wait again for the last 10lbs before I'm in ONDERLAND!!! I'm not rushing it, right now I'm in a losing streak and for the past week have been averaging about a loss of 1 - 1.5 lbs a day.  Even if I stall thats ok too, I'm about to ovulate and that sometimes puts me in a little bit of a stall.

I say this every time I hit a "milestone", if I don't lose another lb I'd be happy where I am right now.  I weigh 209. 20freaking9.  I haven't weight that since I was a teenager.  More importantly I have NEVER felt this awesome in my life.  I also have to admit that I'm a bit scared of what seeing a 1 in front of my weight is going to feel like.  I don't ever remember seeing that.  I'm nervous and excited all at the same time.

One of the ways I help keep track of my weight is a nifty little app on my Android.  Check out my chart:

As of this morning:

HW: 379lbs (6/2011)
SW: 360lbs (7/11/11)
CW: 209lbs (3/30/12)
GW: 150lbs

A Resolution!

One of my New Years resolutions was to have more participation so lets start with a giveaway!

Up for grabs is:
2 bottles of DaVinici Sugar Free Syrup in flavors Vanilla and Raspberry 12.7 Fl Oz.  

4 samples of Chike 

For your first entry you must do the folowing:

1. Follow my blog. (see the buttons on the side)

2.  Like me on Facebook.  Click HERE

3.  Follow me on Twitter.  Click HERE

4.  Leave me a comment below.  

For additional entries you may promote this contest once a day through Facebook or Twitter.

This contest will end at midnight on Sunday, January 8th, 2012.  I will pot the winners Monday (1/9) morning by 10am.  

Good Luck!

Happy New Year!

This past year has been filled with laughter, love, tears, compassion, hardship, but most of all for me it's been about perseverance.

For my blog readers you have been able to see a small snippet into my life and experience some of what I'm talking about.  For friends and family you have seen first hand what this past year has entailed for me.  For both my readers and my loved ones I owe all of you a HUGE thank you.  Without the support and compassion that I have seen there is no way I would be where I am right now.

Here is a small list of the things I have experienced this past year.  I will try my best to keep them in order.  For those who are keeping track.  There is plenty to be thankful for in my life online but this is my DS blog therefore I'm going to try my hardest to keep on track with the theme.

1.  Life Came to a HALT:   In the beginning of the year, around January, I realized at 30 years old my health was declining faster than it should.  I was overweight, unhappy, uncomfortable but most importantly, unhealthy.  I started on my journey to a healthier new me.  I joined OH and started seeking out surgical options.  I also scheduled a doctors appointment with my new PCP to discuss what I could possibly do.  At this point, the option I liked best was the Lap band.  By February I had done enough research to learn that with my weight, lifestyle and for best overall results the only way for me to go was a Duodenal Switch.

2.  Time to Move On!:  By the time February rolled around I was determined on the DS.  I started to research doctors and found Dr. Greenbaum.  Not only was he one of the top docs for my surgery in the country but he was right up the street (literally 5 minutes from my house).  The best part was he took my insurance!  That was it.  mind made up, surgeon picked and support system in place!  for the next few months I researched, hit some road blocks and kept on 'truckin.

3.  Life is Forever Changed:  By June I had completed my testing, had gotten approved by insurance and had my surgery date scheduled.  On Monday, July 11th 2011 weighing in at 360lbs (I lost 19 lbs on my pre-op diet) my life changed forever.  By the end of that day I had custom designer guts and would never be the same again.  For those that paid attention I have the COOLEST surgiversary date ever!  Every year on 7/11 7-Eleven offers free Slurpees.  That means every year on the day I will relive one of the moments that changed my life forever I get a free Slurpee (I will be going for the sugar free version this year).

4.  Reality Slowly Slips Away:  Since 7/11 I have not had one week where my body hasn't changed.  If pounds weren't melting off the inches were.  I've seen frustration with my vitamins and water.  I've been furious over the fact that I can never seem to eat enough.  I've watched my immediate family change their eating habits and my wife lose weight in her own amazing way.  Nothing about my life is the same as it was.  I don't have any of the same clothes I had a year ago, My feet are smaller, I swear I'm shorter but mostly I have never felt so amazing in my life.

The old me vs the new me?

This time last year:
I weighed 379lbs.
I was wearing a size 28/30 or a 5xl with my shoes at a 10.5
I ran out of breath going across the room.
Stairs were my worst enemy.
My sleep apnea setting was the highest it's ever been, 16.
My blood sugar was completely out of control.
My cholesterol and blood pressure was getting higher every day.
Because I had no energy parenting was a chore.  To think about how this effected my son makes me sick.
Although I thought I was cooking healthy I had no idea what I was really doing to my family.
I hated going out because face it, at 379lbs taking a shower was a chore.  Going out to the car and moving around was torture.

Today:

I weigh 240lbs.

I am wearing an 18 or a 1x and my shoes are a 9 - 9.5 (I steal my sons clothes now)

I have to run around the block to run out of breath.

I love stairs.  I love the burn they make my legs feel after I've run up and down them a few times.

I am about to have a new sleep apnea study because my setting of 16 is entirely too high.

My blood sugar?  Normal.  All the diabetes signs I had such as the black rings around my neck are gone!

My cholesterol?  Normal.

My blood pressure?  Low.

My son doesn't have as much energy as I have.  Sometimes he can't even keep up with me.  

I now cook only healthy.  Everyone in my house is benefiting from the way I cook.  

I hate sitting in the house.  I look for every excuse to take a shower, get dressed and go out.

This past year has been memorable in so many ways.  I could keep going on and on but you'd get bored.  One thing is for sure, I may be thinner but I feel huge with the amount of love and people I now have in my life because of a surgery I never thought I would have the guts to have.

Thank you so much for every comment, message and like you have shown to my page.  I appreciate every single one of you.  Wether I've met you in real life, have already known you, or we know each other through IM's and forums, you have all made a tremendous difference in my life.  From the bottom of my heart, Thank you.

I can't ring in the new year and send out the old one without taking a moment to thank one of the most important people in my weight loss surgery journey.
R.I.P. Stephanie.  I will miss you forever and beyond.  I have you to thank for so many things.  Thank you for being all that you were and all that you will always be in my heart.  I dedicate my journey through WLS to you.  

-Forever Your's-

The Vanishing Mom

aka

Joianne

Support

No matter where you are there is support to be found for almost everything.  For me I thrive on support for my surgery.  I find that the best people to turn to when I need advice about my DS are people who have already had the surgery.  Support such as this can be found in person through support groups such as Dr. Greenbaums  or online through websites such as WeightLossSurgery.

Without the support I have found through WeightLossSurgery I don't know what I would do.   Some of the vets have been my backbone, Dear Abbey, and answer to almost everything DS related.

I urge you to visit the forums and get involved.  Even if you just browse and lurk for a while.  You'll find everyone welcoming and full to the brim with knowledge.  Enjoy your stay and look me up, vanishingmom!

Programs, Support and Progress

Yeah I know, it's been forever and a day since I've made a new post.  Honestly though life has been crazy over here.  I promise not to stay away this long again.  I miss sharing but most of all I miss all the awesome feedback I get.

Short recap:

1.  As of this morning I've lost 132 lbs.  Yeah you read that right!  I am 5 months and two days out of surgery and I've lost a whole fricken person!  This is a huge reason why I've been absent.  In the past few months I find sitting down to be one of my biggest struggles.  Removing the weight of one person gives you amazing energy.  I now look forward to waking up early, taking a shower and picking out my cute outfit for the day.  Six months ago just getting out of bed was a struggle.  Sitting down at the computer for more than a few minutes seems like torture now.  As a matter of fact I think you all deserve a picture.  Here's my most recent (Thank you Daddy for putting it together!).  It's about 3 weeks old so expect a new one soon.


2.  Sitting down requires a longer explanation.  I've got hemorrhoids.  Personal and a little too much information I'm sure, however I did promise to share all the nitty gritty though so there you have it.  About a month ago I had surgery to remove some of them but it's still a work in progress.  So while sitting long enough to write a blog post is torture on my soul it can sometimes be a pain in the rear too.

3.  I needed to get back to the basics of being a mommy.  As hard as I try to put myself first there is this little guy who walks around here.  He needs my attention more than I do.  Since school is now in session which means this Mommy has IEP's, functions and homework to help with.  My son has ADHD and severe migraines and because of these things he gets extra attention from us.  Cooking dinner is normally a whole day process since we don't eat anything processed.  Everything I make to eat is fresh and homemade.  No food dyes, artificial anything (food dyes, preservatives or enhancers), and nothing premade (yuk).  We also practice Positive Behavior Mod which takes more energy than someone can imagine.  So needless to say the little guy (although he's not so little anymore) is a huge part of why I don't blog so much anymore.

4.  Thanks to this little nifty program I downloaded that was supposed to help make posting easier I lost 3 blog posts.  I never even thought to double check to make sure they made it on here.

     Like I said up top, I won't be gone this long again.  I miss you all.  Yeah I know I have a "therapist" and as wonderful as she is theres nothing better than spilling my guts on here.  Plus I have tons of new things to tell you about.  Rather than fill you're whole screen with nothing other than updates and all the awesomeness that I'm dealing with my way I'll split it up into a few posts.

     If you still are in the mood for reading head on over to one of my favorite WLS peeeps blog.  She's doing a contest right now for an awesome digital scale.  My Switched Scoop!

Happy Birthday To ME!

For my Birthday this year do you know what I got myself?  A few things actually:

• A Brand Spanking New 60 lb weight loss!  (As of this morning I'm 319lbs)
• An awesome family that loves me
• A Hurricane!  Beat that one! 

I'm here, I'm alive and I'm sorry if I haven't updated.  I've been super busy with school and my family.  I've also had a hard time thinking of this to write about that didn't involve Stephanie.  It's also been hard knowing she won't be able to comment or write me about something I've blogged.  I have heard from her friends and family though.  They really are wonderful people.  I'm so glad to have met them even if it was through such an unfortunate experience. 

I wanted to check in before Irene pounded us.  For those that don't know I live in NJ right across the bridge from Philadelphia.  Go ahead, I'll wait while you go check the link again....

Today I'm going to go register and insure my new Van and then I'm going to Camp Mom-Moms to pick it up, do a load of laundry, and sing Happy Birthday to me! Believe it or not the best part of my trip is not the van.  The best part of my trip is my step dads Pesole soup!  I've been craving this for weeks and I can't WAIT!

When I return to all my wonderful blogging friends I will have a new giveaway and a review!  I miss you all!

Pami Pocket

The mail just came.  

This has been the favorite part of my day for the past few weeks.  At least once a week I've been getting all kinds presents in the mail.

Even if they are school uniforms for my son that I got on an awesome Old Navy sale.  

Today though I got my Pami Pocket!  I am soo excited about this!  It's a pocket that you can hang on your shoulder or neck.  The possibilities for this are endless.  I can't wait to take it on outings to carry my vitamins, phone and maybe a few dollars. 

It's soft and cute, plus it has an extra pocket on the outside! I'm going to use it the next few days and let you know just how much I love it!

Ohhh!  Do you hear that sound?  It sounds like a hundred horses running down the street.  I never knew such a tiny tummy could be so loud!  I guess that's my cue to go and feed myself.  

Don't forget to enter my giveaway!  Who wouldn't want a tub of the best protein powder out there?!  

Free CHIKE!

Oh No, I broke the rules

I did it. I didn't mean to but I couldn't help myself.

My wife keeps the scale in the kitchen.  I know what you're going to say.  Why in the world would anyone do that?!  It helps keep her on track with her diet which she is doing fabulous with.  I've done my hardest to stay off of the scale.  But today I couldn't help myself and I tiptoed on it and held my breath as I looked down.  330.4 lbs.... Are you kidding me?  I've been stuck at this number for at least a week now.  This is why we stay away from the scales.  I'm not as freaked out as you might think I am.  Because I have been following the advice of the wonderful people over at obesityhelp.com and have been measuring myself instead.  I also have been pay attention to how my clothes fit.  I know I've gone down in inches.  How many you ask?  Not enough that I feel comfortable with sharing just yet.  I'm going to update my numbers when I post my one month pictures (on Aug. 11th). The good news is that as long as I poop first I'll be able to go on a Wii Fit (crossing my fingers that I get one for my birthday in 2 weeks).

For the biggest question of the day: How are you feeling?
Honestly?  At four weeks I am feeling awesome!  I feel soo much better than I thought I would.  I have more energy and less pain than can be imagined.  I am also having fun cooking for my family.  They've been eating very similar to me which I've noticed is making a huge improvement with my son.  He's turned things down that a month ago he would of wanted second helpings of.  He's also excited about learning how to cook healthy.  What shocked me though is he wanted to weigh himself.  I put a quick halt to that mess.  There is no reason why a 9 year old needs to weigh themselves.  We had a nice long talk about diets vs. healthy eating and why at his age it's not something he needs to be concerned about.

Well I smell my dinner cooking.  We're having broiled cod with Quinoa and left over steamed brussell sprouts (fresh from the farmers market).

Don't forget to enter my giveaway from yesterday!  I'm giving away a free tub of CHIKE!  Make sure you spread the word.  If I have a good enough turn out I can do almost a giveaway a week of different products I've been sent to review!

Chike Giveaway!!

The wonderful guys over at Chike! gave me a call today.  

It seems that they are thrilled that I like their product!

I heart those guys.

They really are the best.

 

They want to make sure you love them just as much.  

So they are allowing me to hook my readers up with some of their product!

A 1.59 tub of their Strawberry Burst!

So here's the rules:

1.  You have to "like" and share my Facebook page. Click HERE

2.  You have to "like" and share Melting Mama.  Without her I wouldn't know Chike!  Click HERE

3.  Most importantly you have to "like" and share CHIKE!'s Facebook's page.  Click HERE

4.  When you're all done leave me a comment and let me know.  I will enter your name into a random generator (aka a paper bag) and let my assistant (my son) randomly pick a winner.

5.  The deadline is August 11th at 8pm.  

Spread the word.  The more people I'm able to have participate in this contest will determine if I'm able to do this again. 

Chike Review

My baby's back and I couldn't be happier.  I feel like I can officially resume life again.  That includes this blog.

So let's talk Chike!

Apparently I must of forgot to take pictures.  So I'll grab some from them so you can get an idea of what their product looks like. 

Let's start off with the fact that I hate protein drinks.  Actually I've only met a handful of people who do like them.  Part of my dislike for them is that for them to taste good you have to make up creative and sometimes odd concoctions in order to ingest them.  So from the door, when I received my samples I was pretty hesitant to like it.  

For my reviews I will only use water with a splash of soymilk if I feel it should be creamy.  For this review I strictly used water and followed the package directions:

"Fill shaker with 7oz. of water or your favorite beverage.

Add 1 packet (48g) of Chike.

Shake well and ENJOY!"

(The only thing I did extra was add two ice cubes after I was done shaking)

Made with strictly water and 2 ice cubes Chike's Strawberry Burst is full of flavor and just the right consistency.  I also didn't experience any nasty protein after taste that I normally do.  One of my favorite parts about this drink is that I only had to add 7oz of liquid.  The amount of liquid I have to add is super important to me since I'm an early post-op and can still only ingest a little bit at a time.  I find that other protein drinks require more liquid which means longer to ingest and by the time I'm done them they are warm and gross.  I also look for protein drinks that are true to their flavor.  If it's strawberry I want it to literally burst with Strawberry goodness into my mouth.  I don't want something that vaguely resembles pink liquid with some sweetness to it.  Chike  delivered enough strawberry goodness to my taste buds that I was almost disappointed it was gone.  I wanted more.  I'm going to wait to try the other flavors before I order because if their Strawberry was this good I can only imagine how good Chocolate, Banana and Vanilla must be!

Keep your eyes peeled for my first giveaway this week.  I will be giving away some Torani Syrup and some protein samples to try it with!  Spread the word so we can make this happen and have fun with it!

Things I may have forgotten

Posting more than once a day is confusing.  So rather than make two posts I'll save what I wanted to post today for tomorrow.  In the meantime I'd really appreciate it if you made your way over to Blackberry Mama's blog and wished her a Happy Birthday!  She has been influential and inspirational in every way.  I can't wait to go to my first event and be able to give her a real hug.  Until then, my virtual hug will have to do.  Visit her, you won't regret it! And don't forget to tell her who sent you!

As I was going through my Droid grabbing pictures for my next post I stumbled on hospital pictures I never shared.  Since I have a few friends about to have surgery I thought posting them was important.  There is only a few so don't worry about a long load time.  Enjoy!

Jully 11th, 2001 

 This was my view in pre-op as I waited to be brought upstairs for surgery.

I will never forget that day.  It will live with me for the rest of my life.  It was the day my life started all over.  It was the day that changed how I view and eat food.  It's the day I really started living. 

Look at that chubby, round, pale face.  I was scared and did everything I could not to show it.  This was pre-op still.  Waiting for my good friend Leann (who also works on the surgical floor) to wheel me upstairs.

This was the view from my bed post-op.  That black bag on the table is my CPAP machine bag.  Everyday I struggled to get out of bed and walk as much as I could.  My room was pretty spacious.  I won't lie and tell you I couldn't wait to come home, quite the contrary.  I LOVE staying in a hospital.  It's quiet, calm and relaxing.  People bring you food and fluff your pillow.  Who wouldn't like that?

Not much to see, just more of the view I had from bed.  The view from my window was boring so I didn't even bother to take a picture.

This was one of the highlights of my hospital stay.  I'm a geek, I know I am and I watch too much damn Grey's Anatomy.  My first highlight was the cute little Greys Anatomy scrubs the nurses wore.  The second highlight?  This big boy bag hanging up.  Potassium Chloride, this stuff will keep you hydrated and have the potential to kill you!  While I laid in bed I saw an episode of Law and Order that highlighted this very same substance.  Can you imagine the freaked out position I laid in as I looked at the TV then looked at this bag.  You can bet I grabbed my phone and Googled this stuff quick and in a hurry.  LoL

Tomorrow I have some Chike to review and I can't wait to share it with you!  I also will be doing my first giveaway next week so tell you're friends to come check out my blog if they want to win some yummy things to try!

Two Week Follow Up

I'm working on a Blog Badge so if you have any ideas EMAIL me.  I'm coming up blank.

Today was my two week follow up with Dr. Greenbaum, which was freakin awesome!  I love talking to him about ObesityHelp.com and he loves that I'm using Vitalady!  He gets a kick out of me talking about him on the forums.

Ok before you ask, Stats:

375  Highest weight (June 22nd)
365  Surgery weight (July 11th)
337  2 week follow up weight (July 26th)


What's important for pre-ops to know though is that numbers will play tons of games with your mind.  IGNORE them all you can.  Instead pay attention to how your clothes fit.  Measure yourself.  Those are the things that are important.  The only numbers I plan on seeing are when my surgeon weighs me.  I refuse to look at the scale at my primary doctors.  I only list what I've lost before because it is the number one question people ask me. The reason for this?  As we loose massive amounts of weight in such a short period our bodys are going through this huge adjustment.  Once you loose a bundle of weight your body has to compensate for the fluid imbalance such as extra blood.  So you what you may interpret as a stall is just your body catching up with you.  Give it a week you'll notice inches have melted off and the scale will move again soon enough.

One of the things we talked about was my "fatty" liver.  He mentioned in the hospital that my liver was enlarged.  He biopsied it and according to him it's "not that bad"  I should receive a copy of my chart and surgical notes y the end of the week so I'll be able to see what the lab says for myself.  He did say though that now that I'm loosing weight it's size should go down too.

Heidi had asked how my pain level is.  Honestly I'm not really in pain anymore.  I'm uncomfortable and I'm still getting used to how my new belly feels but I feel pretty good.  The only real pain I'm having is my suture line.  It stings a bit and also itches at time which is all normal.  It's part of the healing process.  Nothing some tylenol won't fix although I normally ignore it.  Since my steri strip fell off two days ago I've been babying my belly.  I keep having visions of it being hit and my insides spilling out on the floor.  Silly I know, but do you blame me? LoL

My biggest  complaint right now, nausea.  I didn't have morning sickness this bad with my son.    Things that turn my face green?  Smells, like cigarette smoke, perfume, air freshener, certain foods and the way my son smells after playing outside. Some foods make me sick, not even eating them but thinking about the way they smell or taste.  Some times for no reason at all I'll feel sick.  Dr. G smiled when I said I've been feeling nauseous, I could of slapped him for thinking it was so awesome but according to him it's pretty normal.   So today he prescribed me Zofran which so far has helped ALOT.

I also get to start mushie foods net week!  I've been having a few already but honestly my belly feels better with mostly liquids so I'm not pushing it.  I know some doctors say mushies are ok at this point but I like Dr. G to go against what he's told me.  

I've also been working my vitamin regimen up so that I'm almost on a full schedule.  I have pictures to post and I will by tomorrow.  I'm exhausted.  I drove for the first time today and I've most definitely walked more than I have since my surgery.  Although I feel awesome I am sooo ready for a nap.  

Who Am I Kidding

It's like this kids.
No matter how much fluff or smiles I try to blog about there is nothing to hide my sadness.
I've been in hiding from confronting this and what a better place to do this than my blog.  I actually decided to post this because if you are thinking about, waiting for, or have already had weightloss surgery this is something that is going to smack you in the face, Hard.

I feel betrayed,
left in the cold,
I miss my soulmate..... FOOD!

I know as time goes on my friend will work it's way back into my life but right now I miss it.  The little nibbles I'm getting here and there do not make up for the chucks of food I miss going into my waiting belly. 

In reality I'm not hungry.  My belly's not growling and I'm not experiencing "head hunger".
I just want to bite into something big and juicy.
I want to rip my teeth through juicy medium rare steak.
I want to dip some chicken into barbeque juice drippings.
I want to crunch on a cold and dressed up salad with boiled egg, bacon bits, chicken and Cesar dressing.
I want to mush around a fresh baked potato swimming with butter and sour cream.
I said from the beginning I am NOT a sweets and chocolate kind of girl, I'm not craving sweets.  I'm craving what I love best.... PROTEIN!

I miss massive amounts of grab a smoke and lean back in your chair food.
I miss finding crumbs in my bra from the feast I just had at dinner.
I miss desperately searching for something to fit between my teeth to get that piece of steak thats stuck.
I miss everything there is about eating.

If I didn't miss these things I would think that this surgery was a huge failure.  I wouldn't have the need to restrict and produce malnourishment.  So far my surgery is doing exactly what I wanted it to do: Stop me from eating abusively. 

I'm a big girl and my love affair with food is not new.  It will probably never go away.  It is something I can learn to control even if it means forcefully doing so.  Those feelings I have about it though is something I need to work out on my own (or with the help of my shrink).  For right now I feel the best sharing these things with you. 

If you're a pre-op reading this, expect at some point to feel what I've said.  Even if you're feelings aren't exact you will feel some type of remorse for your food.  We didn't get fat by running laps at the Y and eating like a bird.  Food got us here.  The means of delivery will vary.  For some you may be emotional eaters to like to pick up something to eat at the first sign of being sad, or happy.  For others your crutch may be bordem.  For me it was a love affair.  I ate happy, sad, bored, busy, alone or with company.  Food was my friend.  I'm confident it will be again. We just have to find a place where I'm not taking advantage of our friendship.  I can't think of a better way to do this than through my DS.

The stuff you read over

Before I start to ramble I'd like to share something new, well ok, semi new.  I have a facebook page just for my blog.  right now it's not much more than a place for me to update you with my latest blog ramblings but soon it will be somewhere I share exclusive info and maybe even a contest for some weightloss related goodies!
Check it out HERE!

One of the things I have come to love about ObesityHelp.com is the ruthlessness of some of the members.  As much as they will tell you what an awesome surgery the DS is they are also quick to tell you the downsides.  Only thing is as much as I want to read about the crappy first few weeks or the lovely new stench my behind is producing there are things that are put in the storage part of my brain. Today is a product of just that.

I know the first few weeks are the pits.  I know how diligent I have to be about my shakes and H2O intake.  I know that I should probably be resting more and moving around less.  These things have been drilled into my head.  I just hate feeling so crappy.  I can't wait for the next few weeks when things seem to really kick into gear.

I'm not getting in enough protein.  I think alot of it has to do with my pre-op liquid diet and also the lack of intake I'm having now.  I feel weak, tired and generally just not well.  I know pre-op a month after I've started a liquid diet I would feel similar to this.  I wasn't sure if it was liquid diet related until I talked to my mom who confirms she remembers feeling like crap around the four week mark too.  Then take into consideration that I'm having a hard time getting anything into my body.  When I eat/drink my tummy makes this weird gurgling sensation and noises.  It's really weird.  So eating/drinking is a little unpleasant at the moment.   

I know I mentioned in my last post that I would be starting my vitamins and to a degree I have.  I'm taking all the vitamins the doctor wants me to take right now.  Next week I plan on going to Vitaladys full course of vitamin schedule.  I also have my first post-op appointment where I get to see my favorite doctor again.

The upside to all of this is you can really see the weight melting off my face.  I'll take some pictures in the next day or two to share.  Just as soon as I'm able to venture outside.  With this heat I'm scared to even get the mail.

I have a few online friends getting ready for their surgery over the next two weeks and I look forward to helping them through what the past two weeks have put me through. I also get to meet my first OH friend while she recovers in the hospital!  I'm soo excited! 

WTF did I just do?!

See the title up there?  "WTF did I just do?"  That was what I repeated out loud as I sat on the pot this morning.
I looked down at my disfigured belly, still a little swollen and freaked the fark out.
I totally lost it. 
I cried.
I pooped (I told you things were gonna get ugly on this blog)
I cried some more.
I got up and wobbled my way to the computer where I promptly logged onto ObesityHelp.com and was once reassured that yup, I did it.  I went and had Weight Loss Surgery. 

This isn't a bad thing.  I reassure you that I am happy, if not thrilled, with my decision.  It's just a reality check more than anything.  You see I've talked about this for years.  This has been an ambition of mine long before I even had my son which if you were to ask me is when my life really started.  But at some point Post-Op you will be hit in the face with the permanent resolution of your decision.  This isn't like Atkins or Weight Watchers that may feel permanent because of your empty wallet but they are always reversible.  This my friend is non-refundable, end of the line, rest of my life permanent.  That's ok.  I can deal with it.  I can more than deal with it.  I feel awesome about my decision.  I just can't believe I really did it!

Today I'm going to sort out my vitamins.  I'm starting to feel what I think are effects from lack of vitamins.  Too early out you say?  Maybe, but because of the liquid diet I did pre-op I think that feeling the effects right now may be quite normal.  So tomorrow I want to really start getting used to my regimen.  I'm scared of the big pills so thank goodness Vitalady has mostly chewable or dissolve-able. Expect pictures of them all put together.  I'm weird like that and ohh so excited to be opening the bottles finally!