Happy Birthday To ME!

For my Birthday this year do you know what I got myself?  A few things actually:

• A Brand Spanking New 60 lb weight loss!  (As of this morning I'm 319lbs)
• An awesome family that loves me
• A Hurricane!  Beat that one! 

I'm here, I'm alive and I'm sorry if I haven't updated.  I've been super busy with school and my family.  I've also had a hard time thinking of this to write about that didn't involve Stephanie.  It's also been hard knowing she won't be able to comment or write me about something I've blogged.  I have heard from her friends and family though.  They really are wonderful people.  I'm so glad to have met them even if it was through such an unfortunate experience. 

I wanted to check in before Irene pounded us.  For those that don't know I live in NJ right across the bridge from Philadelphia.  Go ahead, I'll wait while you go check the link again....

Today I'm going to go register and insure my new Van and then I'm going to Camp Mom-Moms to pick it up, do a load of laundry, and sing Happy Birthday to me! Believe it or not the best part of my trip is not the van.  The best part of my trip is my step dads Pesole soup!  I've been craving this for weeks and I can't WAIT!

When I return to all my wonderful blogging friends I will have a new giveaway and a review!  I miss you all!

Calm before the storm

My Theme song for today:
Born to Be Somebody by Justin Bieber  (don't judge me, I love this kid, his music is inspirational)


I am calm. I am centered. I am ready. Most of all I'm ready to ROCK this surgery!

I signed my Living Will today.  That was big. Huge even.  It caused some controversy in the Vanishing household.  Which is why I did it.  No one should be forced to make those decisions for me, so I'm doing it ahead of time. 

I have some shopping trips to do.  Tomorrow we're going for one last round of grocery shopping.  On Sunday I'm hitting staples for their super cheap penny and quarter back to school sale. 

I promised Vamoosh one last cleaning run of the house from me since I won't be able to do it for a while. 

I have to clean Trent's cage out tonight.  Vamoosh won't touch him and his cage is a mess.  I just fed him so he won't want to eat for at least a week or two.

I feel like I can't sit still.  It's the little things that I feel I still need to do.  So I'm working on breathing.  I've been stuck on this website I breathe and close my eyes and picture myself at my moms.  My moms is the most relaxing place I know.  I joke that when I die I want my ashes scattered along Route 130, but I really want to be made into a tree and planted in the middle of her huge backyard.  I want to be a part of her relaxing landscape. 

Ok... I'm rambling which means I need to force myself off of here before I lose readers. LoL

Ready, Set, Go!

So obviously I've been bad with my schedule.  I think I like the way I've been blogging better anyway. 

My bags are packed, my vitamins are stocked, and everything is ready.  I received my final shipment from Vitalady today. 

I have enough vitamins to last me until November, barring any additional things I may need depending on my levels.  I won't need to start taking these for a few weeks but I'm armed and ready.  The box you see is full of samples and protein packets.  The liquid prescription bottle is pain meds filled and ready and the pink boxes in the background are Ziplock baggies.  That's how I'm going to organize my vitamins at first.  I'll have a big bag with four smaller bags inside.  Each big bag will be good for one day and each little bag will be labeled which time of the day I take it.  I will of course re-use my bags.  I will eventually switch to The MedCenter 31 Day Organizer.

I have a few jars of baby food and a box of baby cereal.  I have plenty sugar free Jello and Crystal Light.  I stocked up on creamy soups on my last trip to Trader Joe's.  I told you I was an over-preparer.

In my hospital bag (no picture, sorry) is:
pads (because of course this is a popular time of the month)
underwear (hospital underwear suck)
a brush
my own shampoo and conditioner (again hospital handouts suck)
chapstick
deoderant
and on Sunday I will add my phone charger, laptop and MP3 player (aka my wifi only Droid)

Nothing fancy.  I'll be too drowsy to really care about much else. I almost thought about not bringing my laptop but it's mostly to communicate with my son through video chat.  Well one way video chat.  I can't find my webcam for my home computer but he'll be able to see his mom even if all I am doing is sleeping, walking and, well, sleeping.   

Tomorrow in the mail I should have my Long Reach Comfort Wipe.  I said when I started this blog I wouldn't hold anything back and I'm sticking to my promise.  For those who aren't familiar with major abdominal surgery (my surgery is open), my stomach muscles aren't going to work the way they should at first.  Taking my size into consideration on top of that leaves us with a very messy situation.  In the hospital I have no problem asking nurses for help.  I had to do it when I had my appendix out and I can do it again.  Once I get home though it's a different story.  Yes, Vamoosh can help, she's even offered.  But honestly that's not an image I want burned into her head of me.

Tomorrow I also receive my BlenderBottle.  I wish I had this when I first started my liquid diet.  Oh well lates better than never since I'll need it for my protein shakes.

The only thing I'm missing now is my surgery time.  I'll find that out on Friday.  They say to call between 2 and 5.  Does anyone really wait until 5?  I will call promptly at 1:59 pm. 

I won't be able to update my blog obviously right away.  I am training Vamoosh on working Blogger so that when she comes home that night she can let you know how I did.  Anyone that knows me outside of my blog (friends and family) and wants a phone call, Email me.  I've already had a few people ask and I have a small list for Vamoosh to call. 


I'm soo excited.  I don't think even a trip to Disney World could top this feeling!

It's Not Physical It's Mental

I was on my way home from the grocery store today, with my son next to me snoozing away.  The wind was blowing through the car, the weather was amazing and for a split moment, my hectic world was peaceful.  It gave me a chance to reflect on the past week and a half, my upcoming surgery and everything else going on.  I love driving, it keeps me centered. 

Of course since my surgery is in just a few days the most prevalent thing on my mind was how my pre-op progress is going.  When I first started my liquid diet I resented myself for having to be pushed to this limit.  I despised the shakes and everything else that came along with it.  Regardless of how I felt I did my best to stick with it.   I went head on and did everything I could to liven it up with SF syrups and different blending methods.  A week and a half later and it's second nature to me.  I don't even think about food the way I did before.  I crave salt but that I make up for in broth.  I don't crave to chew, which I thought I would.  I've learned to focus on liquids and nothing else.  It gave me a whole new perspective on why Dr. Greenbaum makes you follow this protocol.  I feel better prepared to come home post-op and "eat" like this.  I've lost a little more than 10lbs so far but for me it's the mental training that it's done for me.  I don't crave foods.  I'm not focused on eating.  I find myself having more free time during the day instead of eating or thinking about what I'm going to eat next.  I grab my shake and cup-o-water and I go.  Life is more than food.  Without the DS I know this train of thought would be temporary.  With my soon to be switched stomach this train of thought will be easier to keep.  I can't wait to have my new tool!  I know not all doctors chose the two week liquid diet for their patients.  I know some post-ops are glad they didn't have to do it.  As a pre-op I have to say that so far this is the best thing I could of done.  Nothing can prepare me for whats about to come next but I can say I've tried my best, researched all I could and mentally and physically prepared myself for the next leg of my journey. For me and my journey this seems perfect. 


On my drive I also thought about how close I am.  This time next week I will be in the hospital recovering from my surgery.  HOLY CRAP! It's really about to happen!  I've had people ask me if I'm nervous or if I'm thinking about backing out.  I'm not nervous about the surgery or life as a DSer.  I'm nervous about the first few weeks home and taking care of my gut rearrangement and wound care.  I'm confident that I'll be fine but I want to make sure everything is right.  I over-prepare for everything and this worry is just part of the protocol.  And backing out?!  Heck no!  Never in a million years.  I'm gaining one of the best weight loss tools available to me and I worked damn hard to get it.  I'm on my way to being skinny! 

Reflections

I'm writing this on a Saturday because last night I grabbed the midget and decided to spend time at my moms for the weekend.  My partner had other family obligations and I have to admit, she was right.  She told me to use this weekend to spend quality time with my family.  As much as I would of loved her here to enjoy the weekend with us, this has really given me time to reconnect with my mom.  We had my celebratory Last Night o' Food and munchies.  My mom and step-dad treated us to some Mexican, and for dessert, a smoothie for me, and some ice cream for the rest of the bunch.  I of course came home (well to her house) and almost collapsed from all the food I ate.  It was a great ending to a great day. 

My mom lives in the woods.  

No really, I mean the woods, like Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs woods.

Nothing spells relaxing than the sound of nothing but trees and birds.

Her house is nicely tucked away and behind her house is a clearing with trees and plenty of woodland animals to make you feel like you steped into the story of Red Ridinghood.  It's relaxing, calm and the perfect start to my liquid diet.  I was totally apprehensive of coming here to start this. I have recently quit smoking, my monthly friend should be here by tomorrow and I just had to say good bye to my soul mate (food).  I had wanted to curl into a ball, put some Netflix on with my headphones and not leave the bed all weekend.  I'm glad I have family who pushes me.  My mom played guilt trip until I agreed to come and I am grateful for every minute of it.  I can go out on her deck and listen to the trees, or I can curl up on her couch with her and watch some QVC (hey, don't judge us), or I can sit at her kitchen table with an awesome view of everything that is calm.  Not to mention I made sure I packed my xanex for the tough moments.  Plus this isn't really good bye to food.  Since I chose the DS it's more like "I'll see you later good friend" My diet post surgery won't be restrictive like some of the other weight loss surgeries.  I'll be able to eat all I love again, it's just a matter of time. 

This is the perfect ending to a near perfect week.