Sunday, July 31, 2011

Things I may have forgotten

Posting more than once a day is confusing.  So rather than make two posts I'll save what I wanted to post today for tomorrow.  In the meantime I'd really appreciate it if you made your way over to Blackberry Mama's blog and wished her a Happy Birthday!  She has been influential and inspirational in every way.  I can't wait to go to my first event and be able to give her a real hug.  Until then, my virtual hug will have to do.  Visit her, you won't regret it! And don't forget to tell her who sent you!

As I was going through my Droid grabbing pictures for my next post I stumbled on hospital pictures I never shared.  Since I have a few friends about to have surgery I thought posting them was important.  There is only a few so don't worry about a long load time.  Enjoy!

Jully 11th, 2001 
 This was my view in pre-op as I waited to be brought upstairs for surgery.

I will never forget that day.  It will live with me for the rest of my life.  It was the day my life started all over.  It was the day that changed how I view and eat food.  It's the day I really started living. 

Look at that chubby, round, pale face.  I was scared and did everything I could not to show it.  This was pre-op still.  Waiting for my good friend Leann (who also works on the surgical floor) to wheel me upstairs.

This was the view from my bed post-op.  That black bag on the table is my CPAP machine bag.  Everyday I struggled to get out of bed and walk as much as I could.  My room was pretty spacious.  I won't lie and tell you I couldn't wait to come home, quite the contrary.  I LOVE staying in a hospital.  It's quiet, calm and relaxing.  People bring you food and fluff your pillow.  Who wouldn't like that?

Not much to see, just more of the view I had from bed.  The view from my window was boring so I didn't even bother to take a picture.

This was one of the highlights of my hospital stay.  I'm a geek, I know I am and I watch too much damn Grey's Anatomy.  My first highlight was the cute little Greys Anatomy scrubs the nurses wore.  The second highlight?  This big boy bag hanging up.  Potassium Chloride, this stuff will keep you hydrated and have the potential to kill you!  While I laid in bed I saw an episode of Law and Order that highlighted this very same substance.  Can you imagine the freaked out position I laid in as I looked at the TV then looked at this bag.  You can bet I grabbed my phone and Googled this stuff quick and in a hurry.  LoL

Tomorrow I have some Chike to review and I can't wait to share it with you!  I also will be doing my first giveaway next week so tell you're friends to come check out my blog if they want to win some yummy things to try!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Bariatric Foodie: Steak: A Love Story in Three Acts

Out of food ideas that sound yummy bust still new belly friendly?
Pre-op and curious about healthy, safe food options for once you are post-op?
Check out bariatric Foodie. She is amazing and her recipes are all within budget.
Enjoy and make sure you mention I sent you :)

Bariatric Foodie: Steak: A Love Story in Three Acts: "You might ask, 'Nik, why'd you put steak on brocolli slaw?' That would be a good question. The answer? It was the best garnish I had availab..."

Two Week Follow Up

I'm working on a Blog Badge so if you have any ideas EMAIL me.  I'm coming up blank.

Today was my two week follow up with Dr. Greenbaum, which was freakin awesome!  I love talking to him about and he loves that I'm using Vitalady!  He gets a kick out of me talking about him on the forums.

Ok before you ask, Stats:

375  Highest weight (June 22nd)
365  Surgery weight (July 11th)
337  2 week follow up weight (July 26th)

What's important for pre-ops to know though is that numbers will play tons of games with your mind.  IGNORE them all you can.  Instead pay attention to how your clothes fit.  Measure yourself.  Those are the things that are important.  The only numbers I plan on seeing are when my surgeon weighs me.  I refuse to look at the scale at my primary doctors.  I only list what I've lost before because it is the number one question people ask me. The reason for this?  As we loose massive amounts of weight in such a short period our bodys are going through this huge adjustment.  Once you loose a bundle of weight your body has to compensate for the fluid imbalance such as extra blood.  So you what you may interpret as a stall is just your body catching up with you.  Give it a week you'll notice inches have melted off and the scale will move again soon enough.

One of the things we talked about was my "fatty" liver.  He mentioned in the hospital that my liver was enlarged.  He biopsied it and according to him it's "not that bad"  I should receive a copy of my chart and surgical notes y the end of the week so I'll be able to see what the lab says for myself.  He did say though that now that I'm loosing weight it's size should go down too.

Heidi had asked how my pain level is.  Honestly I'm not really in pain anymore.  I'm uncomfortable and I'm still getting used to how my new belly feels but I feel pretty good.  The only real pain I'm having is my suture line.  It stings a bit and also itches at time which is all normal.  It's part of the healing process.  Nothing some tylenol won't fix although I normally ignore it.  Since my steri strip fell off two days ago I've been babying my belly.  I keep having visions of it being hit and my insides spilling out on the floor.  Silly I know, but do you blame me? LoL

My biggest  complaint right now, nausea.  I didn't have morning sickness this bad with my son.    Things that turn my face green?  Smells, like cigarette smoke, perfume, air freshener, certain foods and the way my son smells after playing outside. Some foods make me sick, not even eating them but thinking about the way they smell or taste.  Some times for no reason at all I'll feel sick.  Dr. G smiled when I said I've been feeling nauseous, I could of slapped him for thinking it was so awesome but according to him it's pretty normal.   So today he prescribed me Zofran which so far has helped ALOT.

I also get to start mushie foods net week!  I've been having a few already but honestly my belly feels better with mostly liquids so I'm not pushing it.  I know some doctors say mushies are ok at this point but I like Dr. G to go against what he's told me.  

I've also been working my vitamin regimen up so that I'm almost on a full schedule.  I have pictures to post and I will by tomorrow.  I'm exhausted.  I drove for the first time today and I've most definitely walked more than I have since my surgery.  Although I feel awesome I am sooo ready for a nap.  

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Who Am I Kidding

It's like this kids.
No matter how much fluff or smiles I try to blog about there is nothing to hide my sadness.
I've been in hiding from confronting this and what a better place to do this than my blog.  I actually decided to post this because if you are thinking about, waiting for, or have already had weightloss surgery this is something that is going to smack you in the face, Hard.

I feel betrayed,
left in the cold,
I miss my soulmate..... FOOD!

I know as time goes on my friend will work it's way back into my life but right now I miss it.  The little nibbles I'm getting here and there do not make up for the chucks of food I miss going into my waiting belly. 

In reality I'm not hungry.  My belly's not growling and I'm not experiencing "head hunger".
I just want to bite into something big and juicy.
I want to rip my teeth through juicy medium rare steak.
I want to dip some chicken into barbeque juice drippings.
I want to crunch on a cold and dressed up salad with boiled egg, bacon bits, chicken and Cesar dressing.
I want to mush around a fresh baked potato swimming with butter and sour cream.
I said from the beginning I am NOT a sweets and chocolate kind of girl, I'm not craving sweets.  I'm craving what I love best.... PROTEIN!

I miss massive amounts of grab a smoke and lean back in your chair food.
I miss finding crumbs in my bra from the feast I just had at dinner.
I miss desperately searching for something to fit between my teeth to get that piece of steak thats stuck.
I miss everything there is about eating.

If I didn't miss these things I would think that this surgery was a huge failure.  I wouldn't have the need to restrict and produce malnourishment.  So far my surgery is doing exactly what I wanted it to do: Stop me from eating abusively. 

I'm a big girl and my love affair with food is not new.  It will probably never go away.  It is something I can learn to control even if it means forcefully doing so.  Those feelings I have about it though is something I need to work out on my own (or with the help of my shrink).  For right now I feel the best sharing these things with you. 

If you're a pre-op reading this, expect at some point to feel what I've said.  Even if you're feelings aren't exact you will feel some type of remorse for your food.  We didn't get fat by running laps at the Y and eating like a bird.  Food got us here.  The means of delivery will vary.  For some you may be emotional eaters to like to pick up something to eat at the first sign of being sad, or happy.  For others your crutch may be bordem.  For me it was a love affair.  I ate happy, sad, bored, busy, alone or with company.  Food was my friend.  I'm confident it will be again. We just have to find a place where I'm not taking advantage of our friendship.  I can't think of a better way to do this than through my DS.

The stuff you read over

Before I start to ramble I'd like to share something new, well ok, semi new.  I have a facebook page just for my blog.  right now it's not much more than a place for me to update you with my latest blog ramblings but soon it will be somewhere I share exclusive info and maybe even a contest for some weightloss related goodies!
Check it out HERE!

One of the things I have come to love about is the ruthlessness of some of the members.  As much as they will tell you what an awesome surgery the DS is they are also quick to tell you the downsides.  Only thing is as much as I want to read about the crappy first few weeks or the lovely new stench my behind is producing there are things that are put in the storage part of my brain. Today is a product of just that.

I know the first few weeks are the pits.  I know how diligent I have to be about my shakes and H2O intake.  I know that I should probably be resting more and moving around less.  These things have been drilled into my head.  I just hate feeling so crappy.  I can't wait for the next few weeks when things seem to really kick into gear.

I'm not getting in enough protein.  I think alot of it has to do with my pre-op liquid diet and also the lack of intake I'm having now.  I feel weak, tired and generally just not well.  I know pre-op a month after I've started a liquid diet I would feel similar to this.  I wasn't sure if it was liquid diet related until I talked to my mom who confirms she remembers feeling like crap around the four week mark too.  Then take into consideration that I'm having a hard time getting anything into my body.  When I eat/drink my tummy makes this weird gurgling sensation and noises.  It's really weird.  So eating/drinking is a little unpleasant at the moment.   

I know I mentioned in my last post that I would be starting my vitamins and to a degree I have.  I'm taking all the vitamins the doctor wants me to take right now.  Next week I plan on going to Vitaladys full course of vitamin schedule.  I also have my first post-op appointment where I get to see my favorite doctor again.

The upside to all of this is you can really see the weight melting off my face.  I'll take some pictures in the next day or two to share.  Just as soon as I'm able to venture outside.  With this heat I'm scared to even get the mail.

I have a few online friends getting ready for their surgery over the next two weeks and I look forward to helping them through what the past two weeks have put me through. I also get to meet my first OH friend while she recovers in the hospital!  I'm soo excited! 

Friday, July 22, 2011

WTF did I just do?!

See the title up there?  "WTF did I just do?"  That was what I repeated out loud as I sat on the pot this morning.
I looked down at my disfigured belly, still a little swollen and freaked the fark out.
I totally lost it. 
I cried.
I pooped (I told you things were gonna get ugly on this blog)
I cried some more.
I got up and wobbled my way to the computer where I promptly logged onto and was once reassured that yup, I did it.  I went and had Weight Loss Surgery. 

This isn't a bad thing.  I reassure you that I am happy, if not thrilled, with my decision.  It's just a reality check more than anything.  You see I've talked about this for years.  This has been an ambition of mine long before I even had my son which if you were to ask me is when my life really started.  But at some point Post-Op you will be hit in the face with the permanent resolution of your decision.  This isn't like Atkins or Weight Watchers that may feel permanent because of your empty wallet but they are always reversible.  This my friend is non-refundable, end of the line, rest of my life permanent.  That's ok.  I can deal with it.  I can more than deal with it.  I feel awesome about my decision.  I just can't believe I really did it!

Today I'm going to sort out my vitamins.  I'm starting to feel what I think are effects from lack of vitamins.  Too early out you say?  Maybe, but because of the liquid diet I did pre-op I think that feeling the effects right now may be quite normal.  So tomorrow I want to really start getting used to my regimen.  I'm scared of the big pills so thank goodness Vitalady has mostly chewable or dissolve-able. Expect pictures of them all put together.  I'm weird like that and ohh so excited to be opening the bottles finally! 

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Food that doesnt SUCK: Mmmm TACO...muffins?

While I'm busy trying to figure out what my plan is this next week check these bad boys out.  I want some!  OHHH I can't wait to eat again!  Although short of the lettuce they do border on mushie foods.  Maybe next week!  While you're on her blog check out the pictures of her cuties, I fell in love!

Food that doesnt SUCK: Mmmm TACO...muffins?: "Muffins for a lack of a better word :) You do use a muffin tin though! Thanks a million to all the brainstorming with AZ! So, they're b..."

Migrating? Maybe.

I 'm here. 
Bored out of my mind. 
I feel like a newborn.  All I do is sleep, eat, exercise, shit and repeat. 
I want to add something new onto my regimen but honestly I'm not even two weeks out from major surgery, this is no time to be going to ceramics class or the newest water park. 
I do think I'm going to change blog servers though.  That should at least keep me busy.  What do you think?  Blogger is so boring, plus I'm limited on how it looks.  I think I like Wordpress which is what I used for an old blog.  What do you think?

Monday, July 18, 2011


Hi!  I'm here.  Surgery is officially 7 days behind me and I've been home since Saturday.  I haven't forgotten about my blog I promise.  My mind has just been else where.  I miss writing though and I'm glad I've checked in.

There really is so much to write about.  But my attention span is only gonna give me a few more minutes so in a nut shell here goes nothing.

I feel like I got hit by a bus.  But not any bus, a cheery, happy, hippy filled bus.   As much as I feel like crap I feel awesome at the same time.  I'm having a hard time getting in all my water but I'm making my goal of 60 oz a day (I need 4 more oz but 60 is awesome).  I started my Multi with ADEK and tomorrow I'm going to start my iron since I feel so sluggish.  I'm getting in 30 oz of protein a day be it shakes, prosource jello or diet. 

My incision itches and stings a little but it's signs of healing, no redness, puss, swelling or bruising which is awesome!  I think the coolest scars though are the two on my neck from my central line.  It looks like vampire teeth marks.  I personally think my belly scar is small, which is awesome.  It runs  from the top of my belly (bottom of my rib cage) to just about my belly button.  I figured it would be like others I've seen and go around my belly button. 

I'm starting to feel the blues but I think that has to do with more being stuck in this house more than anything.  It's been 100 degrees outside and since I'm forcing fluids I'm scared to go outside and sweat too much since DSers dehydrate so fast.  As soon as my water intake is better I'm going to have to force myself not to run outside.

Ok, my attention span is officially dwindling......  See you tomorrow :)

Sunday, July 10, 2011

I am Woman!

Hear me ROAR!

Todays theme song:
I am Woman - Sex in the City Cast

This is it everyone!  Thanks for all the well wishes and wishes of luck!  Tomorrow starts the rest of my life!  The next time you hear from me I will be an official DSER!!!!!! I love you guys!!!

Here's my Surgery Happy Song Playlist:

Run The World - Beyonce
Somebody to Love - Justin Bieber
There Goes My Baby - Usher
She's So High - Tal Bachman
Landslide - Smashing Pumpkins
Today - Smashing Pumpkins
Lullaby - Shawn Mullins
Whenever, Wherever - Shakira
I'm a Woman - Cast of Sex In The City
No Day But Today - Cast of Rent (Movie)
Fuckin Perfect - Pink
Raise Your Glass - Pink
Sunrise - Norah Jones
One In A Million - Ne-Yo
Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
Steal My Sunshine - Len
Pray - Justin Bieber
Never Say Never - Justin Bieber Ft. Jaden Smith
Born To Be Somebody - Justin Bieber
Imagine - John Lennon
Not Afraid - Eminem
My Sacrifice - Creed
With Arms Wide Open - Creed
Higher - Creed
Shine - Collective Soul
Talking To The Moon - Bruno Mars
Empire State Of Mind (Part: II): Broken Down - Alicia Keys
Who Says - Selena Gomez and The Scene
By Your Side - Sade
What A Wonderful World - Kenny G
You're Beautiful - Kenny G
Did It On 'Em - Nicki Minaj
Good Riddance - Green Day

A Tisket, A Tasket

I've got Scentsy in my Basket!!!!!

Because my mind is on overdrive I can't help but do more than two things at once.  My surgery of course is no exception.

I really want some Scentsy.  Like really really break my heart bad.  But I can't afford that.  I'm having life altering surgery.  Do you know how much THAT costs?!  So to help with the costs of my fragrance habit I decided to have a Scentsy Party

If you don't know what Scentsy is think Partylite or any other candle company but with nothing but wick-less candles.  I also think their smells are stronger and they have a larger variety. 

I'm having a "Basket Party" which means that I have a display set up here at home where people who are going to come visit me after my surgery can sample and see what they're about and if they like they can put in an order.  I can also shamelessly whore myself out online to you guys and everyone over at OH to get online orders at my Scentsy Basket Party Page. My part ends the first week in August so take your time if you need it.  HOWEVER if your interested in the old scents they brought back you can only order them in the month of July. 

My infomercial is over.  Please tune in later for my regularly scheduled post.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

F****n Perfect

Theme song for today:
F****n Perfect by P!nk

Because of my surgery I have been working extra hard to let LV know just how perfect he is just the way he was born.  I tell him all the time he is perfect in every way to me.  I never want him to think that he will have to go to the extremes I am.  Instead we are working extra hard on showing him how to eat and live healthy.  We teach him why we eat certain foods and what they do to our bodies.  We push him as hard as we can to exercise.   Once I start to heal and can really start to walk outside he's going to be my walking buddy.  Of course I know from growing up that all the good parenting in the world can't prevent everything.  My parents were terrific.  My mom worked really hard at making sure we ate the right things.  We were always outside playing.  There was no need to push us to exercise.  Yet I still grew up to be the chubby girl in school and eventually the fat chick I am today.  My self esteem has been in the dump for years because of my weight.  I never want LV to feel like this.  Today's theme song is one we play a lot in my house for that exact reason.  Yes, curse words and all.   And LV can sing it at the top of his little lungs if he wishes.  He's actually a HUGE fan of Pink (my mom is too, must be a family thing).  Pink's music is empowering and  motivational.  Her music can touch you deep down to the core and really make you think twice about situations.  She can also make you feel like your on top of the world and can conquer anything. She's one of the top artists on my play list I made for my surgery.  Maybe tomorrow I'll share it. 

Tomorrow I start my clear liquid diet and I do a final check of my bags for the hospital.  LV will be off to my dads for the night (and the day of my surgery).  The anticipation is driving me nuts.  Since I'm sure Monday will be full of fun things in my IV, I can't wait until Tuesday, that will be the day I can sit in bed look at my belly and say "finally"! 

Friday, July 8, 2011

Calm before the storm

My Theme song for today:
Born to Be Somebody by Justin Bieber  (don't judge me, I love this kid, his music is inspirational)

I am calm. I am centered. I am ready. Most of all I'm ready to ROCK this surgery!

I signed my Living Will today.  That was big. Huge even.  It caused some controversy in the Vanishing household.  Which is why I did it.  No one should be forced to make those decisions for me, so I'm doing it ahead of time. 

I have some shopping trips to do.  Tomorrow we're going for one last round of grocery shopping.  On Sunday I'm hitting staples for their super cheap penny and quarter back to school sale. 

I promised Vamoosh one last cleaning run of the house from me since I won't be able to do it for a while. 

I have to clean Trent's cage out tonight.  Vamoosh won't touch him and his cage is a mess.  I just fed him so he won't want to eat for at least a week or two.

I feel like I can't sit still.  It's the little things that I feel I still need to do.  So I'm working on breathing.  I've been stuck on this website I breathe and close my eyes and picture myself at my moms.  My moms is the most relaxing place I know.  I joke that when I die I want my ashes scattered along Route 130, but I really want to be made into a tree and planted in the middle of her huge backyard.  I want to be a part of her relaxing landscape. 

Ok... I'm rambling which means I need to force myself off of here before I lose readers. LoL

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Ready, Set, Go!

So obviously I've been bad with my schedule.  I think I like the way I've been blogging better anyway. 

My bags are packed, my vitamins are stocked, and everything is ready.  I received my final shipment from Vitalady today. 

I have enough vitamins to last me until November, barring any additional things I may need depending on my levels.  I won't need to start taking these for a few weeks but I'm armed and ready.  The box you see is full of samples and protein packets.  The liquid prescription bottle is pain meds filled and ready and the pink boxes in the background are Ziplock baggies.  That's how I'm going to organize my vitamins at first.  I'll have a big bag with four smaller bags inside.  Each big bag will be good for one day and each little bag will be labeled which time of the day I take it.  I will of course re-use my bags.  I will eventually switch to The MedCenter 31 Day Organizer.

I have a few jars of baby food and a box of baby cereal.  I have plenty sugar free Jello and Crystal Light.  I stocked up on creamy soups on my last trip to Trader Joe's.  I told you I was an over-preparer.

In my hospital bag (no picture, sorry) is:
pads (because of course this is a popular time of the month)
underwear (hospital underwear suck)
a brush
my own shampoo and conditioner (again hospital handouts suck)
and on Sunday I will add my phone charger, laptop and MP3 player (aka my wifi only Droid)

Nothing fancy.  I'll be too drowsy to really care about much else. I almost thought about not bringing my laptop but it's mostly to communicate with my son through video chat.  Well one way video chat.  I can't find my webcam for my home computer but he'll be able to see his mom even if all I am doing is sleeping, walking and, well, sleeping.   

Tomorrow in the mail I should have my Long Reach Comfort Wipe.  I said when I started this blog I wouldn't hold anything back and I'm sticking to my promise.  For those who aren't familiar with major abdominal surgery (my surgery is open), my stomach muscles aren't going to work the way they should at first.  Taking my size into consideration on top of that leaves us with a very messy situation.  In the hospital I have no problem asking nurses for help.  I had to do it when I had my appendix out and I can do it again.  Once I get home though it's a different story.  Yes, Vamoosh can help, she's even offered.  But honestly that's not an image I want burned into her head of me.

Tomorrow I also receive my BlenderBottle.  I wish I had this when I first started my liquid diet.  Oh well lates better than never since I'll need it for my protein shakes.

The only thing I'm missing now is my surgery time.  I'll find that out on Friday.  They say to call between 2 and 5.  Does anyone really wait until 5?  I will call promptly at 1:59 pm. 

I won't be able to update my blog obviously right away.  I am training Vamoosh on working Blogger so that when she comes home that night she can let you know how I did.  Anyone that knows me outside of my blog (friends and family) and wants a phone call, Email me.  I've already had a few people ask and I have a small list for Vamoosh to call. 

I'm soo excited.  I don't think even a trip to Disney World could top this feeling!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

It's Not Physical It's Mental

I was on my way home from the grocery store today, with my son next to me snoozing away.  The wind was blowing through the car, the weather was amazing and for a split moment, my hectic world was peaceful.  It gave me a chance to reflect on the past week and a half, my upcoming surgery and everything else going on.  I love driving, it keeps me centered. 

Of course since my surgery is in just a few days the most prevalent thing on my mind was how my pre-op progress is going.  When I first started my liquid diet I resented myself for having to be pushed to this limit.  I despised the shakes and everything else that came along with it.  Regardless of how I felt I did my best to stick with it.   I went head on and did everything I could to liven it up with SF syrups and different blending methods.  A week and a half later and it's second nature to me.  I don't even think about food the way I did before.  I crave salt but that I make up for in broth.  I don't crave to chew, which I thought I would.  I've learned to focus on liquids and nothing else.  It gave me a whole new perspective on why Dr. Greenbaum makes you follow this protocol.  I feel better prepared to come home post-op and "eat" like this.  I've lost a little more than 10lbs so far but for me it's the mental training that it's done for me.  I don't crave foods.  I'm not focused on eating.  I find myself having more free time during the day instead of eating or thinking about what I'm going to eat next.  I grab my shake and cup-o-water and I go.  Life is more than food.  Without the DS I know this train of thought would be temporary.  With my soon to be switched stomach this train of thought will be easier to keep.  I can't wait to have my new tool!  I know not all doctors chose the two week liquid diet for their patients.  I know some post-ops are glad they didn't have to do it.  As a pre-op I have to say that so far this is the best thing I could of done.  Nothing can prepare me for whats about to come next but I can say I've tried my best, researched all I could and mentally and physically prepared myself for the next leg of my journey. For me and my journey this seems perfect. 

On my drive I also thought about how close I am.  This time next week I will be in the hospital recovering from my surgery.  HOLY CRAP! It's really about to happen!  I've had people ask me if I'm nervous or if I'm thinking about backing out.  I'm not nervous about the surgery or life as a DSer.  I'm nervous about the first few weeks home and taking care of my gut rearrangement and wound care.  I'm confident that I'll be fine but I want to make sure everything is right.  I over-prepare for everything and this worry is just part of the protocol.  And backing out?!  Heck no!  Never in a million years.  I'm gaining one of the best weight loss tools available to me and I worked damn hard to get it.  I'm on my way to being skinny! 

4 Things

Yes I know this is dated the 5th.  I couldn't sleep so excuse the middle of the night editing.

Damnit!  I had this wonderful post.  It was a great article on how as a nation we view America and how it's affected how we view ourselves.  I went to spell check it and click "Publish" and it's gone.  One minute one of my furballs was walking across my keyboard, and the next minute my article was gone.  This cat drives me insane.  I love him to pieces but why must he plop down and use my desk as his cleaning/cuddle station?

Since I couldn't have my original article to share and it is the 4th of July I thought I would share 4 random things you didn't know about me.  They'll probably help you understand future posts a little bit better but honestly, they are completely random. 

1.  Although not totally random, a valuable bit of info.  I am a mom to a wonderful 9 year old little boy.  I've mentioned him before and I will again because along with his unwillingness to give up the soft cuddles of his Mommy, his weight is also becoming an issue with the doctors.  I think we shall call him "Little Vanisher" or "LV" for short.  I am also a wife to a wonderful woman.  We've been married for 5 years come this August.  It feels like forever.  I couldn't imagine life without her.  I've been calling her my DP (Domestic Partner) but she needs a fun name.  We shall call her "The Vamoosh".  She is all my son knows.  I am his biological mom (it's everyones first question) but you almost couldn't guess because they mesh together so well. 

2.  I drove my mother crazy as a teenager.  One of the things I used to do was dye my hair.  I don't mean a kool-aid packet or spray color fun, I mean over bleach my hair and dye it a new crayola color every other week.  My best friend and I would go to the hippie store in the mall grab a new bottle of Manic Panic, then swing by Sally Beauty Supply for some cream developer and bleach powder.  We'd then go to her house, sit on her back steps and go to town.  This was probably considered mild to the other things I was doing to make my mom's hair prematurely grey, I'm sure the older boyfriends and "experimentations" played a bigger part.  On the upside we're best friends now.  She's the jelly to my peanut butter roll up, the icing on my Cinnabon, the bacon to my eggs, you get the point.  I love my Mommy :)

3.  We have pets.  I have a Ball Python.  I love him.  He is only MY snake, Vamoosh and LV refuse to mess with him.  LV likes to show him off to his friends and is getting braver but he still won't hold him long.  He's awesome.  Not as awesome as my Dumpy Frog I once had but pretty darn close.  His name is Trent after Trent Reznor of NIN.  I named him that because Trent is one of the baddest MFers I know, so my snake should be just as bad ass, and he is.  I also have two rescued furballs.  Sayori, our Bengal, is pretty but selfish and doesn't like to be bothered to much so we keep our distance.  She thinks she's a princess.  She will cry for you to pet her but only on her time.  Valentino, our Toyger is spoiled rotten.  He plays with the magnets on the fridge.  Every morning we have to pick them up off the floor.  He loves to see what we're hiding in the fridge also, you can't open it without him trying to climb in.  He's a total lover and loves kids.  He will greet anyone at the door and expect to be petted and loved upon.  He thinks we're an item and is super territorial over the whole family.  He also thinks Vamoosh shouldn't sleep next to me and has been known to wiggle between us in the bed at night after he's yelled at her 3 inches from her sleeping face. He is normally found cuddled in my arms at the computer desk.  If I'm doing school work he sleeps in the chair next to me. Wherever I am he is not far behind.  Right now he is on the chair I put next to me, stretched out with his head on my lap.

4.  My favorite color is lime green.  Upon meeting me you would think my favorite color is pink.  And it is awesome.  I do love me some pink.  Pantone #230 C  and #18-2120 to be exact.  Almost everything I own is pink.  Pink makes me happy.  Pink is calming, but green is exciting.  It makes your blood rush and your eyes pop open.  Green is fresh and new!  Sometimes it stimulates me too much so I stick to pink.  But deep down I have a love affair for green.  Lime green specifically but all greens win my heart. 

So now you know 4 new things about me.  I think I like random fact days.  I'll have to do them more often.  Whats a random fact about you?

Sunday, July 3, 2011


I'm still here.  I'm working on tomorrow's blog which I'm researching for.  I'm also trying to hide from all the barbecues going on. 

In other news I cheated today.  Ok so not too big of a deal I had a bite of steak from the grill and a string cheese.  All protein, no carbs and between me and you I deserved it. 

To keep myself busy tomorrow and stay away from the house which will be full of awesome smelling food I will be at the laundromat with my shakes and my water.  I will also have laptop in tow so that I can finish my blog, that is of course if I'm too busy playing angry birds or doing homework.

If I seem quiet the next few days though it's because I'm trying to keep busy.  I'm starting to get anxious about my surgery which is normal.  I'm more nervous about things running smoothly at home and with our son while I'm in the hospital. 

Now I have to go finish the potato salad for tomorrow that I promised to make while I try not to nibble.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Friday Rewind!

Because I make it a habit of posting once a day there's not too much to tell you that you haven't already heard [read].  So instead here are some of my thoughts and hopefully some inspirations!

Being fat sucks.  Being a fat lesbian sucks.  This is something I've always known but recently I've started to see how much I regret it in completely different ways than I once did. The stigma that comes along with being a heavy person goes far beyond what one might comprehend.  People immediately think your dirty, stupid, ignorant, lazy and sloppy.  These are qualities that don't come with size but yet as personalities.  I hate that these are the things that are immediately thought of me.  And in a lot of instances people don't take the time to get to know a person to find out that these things aren't true.  No matter what my size ends up being I will never put a persons look, size or situation ahead of getting to know them because I will always be "that girl" deep down.

I've had jobs turn me down simply because of my size, regardless of being qualified or not.  I've had medical problems go ignored and blamed simply on my weight.  People have lost out on being friends with me because they never took the time to get to know me.  This all makes me realize what a sad, sad world we live in.  Being fat isn't the only obstacle that will get you ignored the way I have been.  Being a different color, having a disability, age, dressing beyond the norm, being GLBT are just a few among the many of things that will have others look the other way.  If nothing else this journey has taught me to be more tolerant of others.  This is something I would like to spread around a bit as well.

I challenge my readers this weekend.  I receive about a hundred unique views a day on my blog.  I challenge each and every one of you to warmly say hi and possibly engage in a conversation with someone who normally wouldn't.  Even if it's a warm smile to the gay couple walking across the street, or offering the elderly woman help with reaching something in the grocery store, compliment the shoes on heavy set girl who is obviously trying to blend in by wearing something cute.  I'm not asking you to befriend everyone who might run into today.  I'm just asking that you say hello, and smile.  You have no idea how much of a difference that makes in a persons day who is normally met with shrugs, frowns, abuse or being ignored.  And who knows, maybe that help will brighten your day too.

Friday, July 1, 2011


I want to introduce you to one of the best vitamin supports I've been able to find. Whether it's following her schedule or using her site to navigate the schedule your surgeon will give you, you couldn't ask for a friendlier, support team.  I will tell you up front that they are not doctors nor do they play them on TV.  The only one who can give you the vitamin requirements that are right for you is your surgeon.  HOWEVER, once your labs are in and you've spoken to your doctor, consider Vitalady's schedule.  In my research her schedule and lab sheets create less of a complication rate than some other vitamin protocols available.  Her regimen also makes any problems with labs easier to pinpoint and correct.  I've called them a few times with questions and I've badgered them by email a few times also.  Not only have they been super helpful but I can always hear their smiles through the phone.  They have some of the best information available and I encourage you to visit their site.  

At this point I can only give you my Pre-Op opinion of them but I'm sure if you hop on over to and mention the name Michelle or Vitalady you're going to get a million and one responses from Post-Ops who have way more experience than I do.   So far though, I'm in love.  With the help of a family member I've placed my first very large order.  The customer service was awesome and the package was delivered quick and safe.  When I received my package I was greeted by a rose which was a nice surprise.  I'm missing a few bottles but we already knew they would be coming in a second package.  The amount of vitamins is overwhelming but between the literature that accompanied my order and the phone support I'll be able to get from them will be awesome.  I promise not to bother them with my obsessive phone calls until I'm Post-Op and ready to set them up. I also have to wait until my surgeon gives me the ok to start my regimen. 

Vitalady is on tour right now and next week she will be within 45 minutes of my house.  I can't tell you how sad I am I won't be able to meet her.  My poor little car won't be able to make it to her.  So if you're reading this Michelle, wave to me as you pass my little section of New Jersey and go to your next stop.  Maybe next year I'll be able to come out and meet you, and by then you'll be able to meet the skinny version of me!
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