It's Not Physical It's Mental

I was on my way home from the grocery store today, with my son next to me snoozing away.  The wind was blowing through the car, the weather was amazing and for a split moment, my hectic world was peaceful.  It gave me a chance to reflect on the past week and a half, my upcoming surgery and everything else going on.  I love driving, it keeps me centered. 

Of course since my surgery is in just a few days the most prevalent thing on my mind was how my pre-op progress is going.  When I first started my liquid diet I resented myself for having to be pushed to this limit.  I despised the shakes and everything else that came along with it.  Regardless of how I felt I did my best to stick with it.   I went head on and did everything I could to liven it up with SF syrups and different blending methods.  A week and a half later and it's second nature to me.  I don't even think about food the way I did before.  I crave salt but that I make up for in broth.  I don't crave to chew, which I thought I would.  I've learned to focus on liquids and nothing else.  It gave me a whole new perspective on why Dr. Greenbaum makes you follow this protocol.  I feel better prepared to come home post-op and "eat" like this.  I've lost a little more than 10lbs so far but for me it's the mental training that it's done for me.  I don't crave foods.  I'm not focused on eating.  I find myself having more free time during the day instead of eating or thinking about what I'm going to eat next.  I grab my shake and cup-o-water and I go.  Life is more than food.  Without the DS I know this train of thought would be temporary.  With my soon to be switched stomach this train of thought will be easier to keep.  I can't wait to have my new tool!  I know not all doctors chose the two week liquid diet for their patients.  I know some post-ops are glad they didn't have to do it.  As a pre-op I have to say that so far this is the best thing I could of done.  Nothing can prepare me for whats about to come next but I can say I've tried my best, researched all I could and mentally and physically prepared myself for the next leg of my journey. For me and my journey this seems perfect. 


On my drive I also thought about how close I am.  This time next week I will be in the hospital recovering from my surgery.  HOLY CRAP! It's really about to happen!  I've had people ask me if I'm nervous or if I'm thinking about backing out.  I'm not nervous about the surgery or life as a DSer.  I'm nervous about the first few weeks home and taking care of my gut rearrangement and wound care.  I'm confident that I'll be fine but I want to make sure everything is right.  I over-prepare for everything and this worry is just part of the protocol.  And backing out?!  Heck no!  Never in a million years.  I'm gaining one of the best weight loss tools available to me and I worked damn hard to get it.  I'm on my way to being skinny!